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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New GF taking the piss?

207 replies

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:30

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 02/06/2025 08:18

Depte · 02/06/2025 06:02

I can’t imagine being sexually attracted to a 37 year old unemployed leech who lives with her granny, but each to their own I suppose.

But this freeloading emotional vampire gives great head everyone’s a winner apparently.

Honestly I think the relationship bar on MN is so low, it’s actually subterranean

babystarsandmoon · 02/06/2025 08:20

I haven’t read the full post as the first parts are enough so day end it today.

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:25

This reply has been deleted

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Swiftie1878 · 02/06/2025 09:00

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:34

If history is anything to go off, I’ll now get the silent treatment for days and no apology just a “let’s forget about it”.

theres so much more to it - red flag wise - I KNOW its not good but I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself and I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

If she wasn’t gorgeous and great in bed, she’d be out by now. Stop pandering to your ‘shallow’ self, and have a bit of self respect.
This is not THE ONE. The longer you stay with her the longer it will be until you have the chance to meet someone with more to offer to a relationship.

Ilikeadrink14 · 02/06/2025 09:28

I’ve lost patience with this woman now. She has been advised by many that she should end the relationship but keeps coming back with feeble excuses not to. If that’s what she wants, then fine. But I can’t cope with reading all her rubbish about ‘potential’ etc. To stay with someone partly because the sex is good is ridiculous!
I am going to leave this post and let her stew in her own juice. You just can’t help some people!

ChaToilLeam · 02/06/2025 09:34

Christ almighty, get rid of this freeloader now! The fact you are scared to end it with her says it all - she is trouble with a capital T. Don’t let her leech off you and deprive you of time, money or peace of mins for a single minute more. Keep any messages she sends you and inform the police right away if she gets nasty.

TwistedWonder · 02/06/2025 09:36

Ilikeadrink14 · 02/06/2025 09:28

I’ve lost patience with this woman now. She has been advised by many that she should end the relationship but keeps coming back with feeble excuses not to. If that’s what she wants, then fine. But I can’t cope with reading all her rubbish about ‘potential’ etc. To stay with someone partly because the sex is good is ridiculous!
I am going to leave this post and let her stew in her own juice. You just can’t help some people!

Agree. I’m pretty sure this is same person under different username who had posted several times about this vile abusive woman and she just continues to make excuse after excuse - some people just thrive on the drama so let’s leave them to crack on with their dysfunctional lives.

Just feel for the poor kids involved with this toxic pair

merryhouse · 02/06/2025 19:42

not read the thread, not necessary

DUMP

everychildmatters · 02/06/2025 20:04

Total sponger.

EmeraldDreams73 · 02/06/2025 20:30

God. Get rid. This is someone who will fuck your life up and is already trying to. Stop making excuses and deal with it.

Catdoorman · 02/06/2025 20:41

You sound lovely, this relationship is toxic, you cannot mend her, You know that don't you. She will drag you down, nothing you do for her will ever be good enough. End it before it ends in more than just tears .

Bluedenimdoglover · 02/06/2025 20:43

What in earth are you doing with someone like this? I know "the heart wants what the heart wants" but you are being walked on. Break it off before you don't have a shred of self-respect left. She is taking you for a mug.

MyLimeGuide · 02/06/2025 20:44

Springadorable · 01/06/2025 20:35

Why are you with her? How does she enhance your life?

She's hot.

SleepQuest33 · 02/06/2025 20:47

And you are with her because…..???

Bennetty · 02/06/2025 20:47

It sounds like you're absolutely miserable, but you're kind of shocked that you managed to get someone this hot and good at sex. Grow up and move on.

Waterbaby41 · 02/06/2025 21:00

Throw this one back in the pond - fast.

Ajhmaialnntdoan · 02/06/2025 21:11

This reply has been deleted

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HevMc007 · 02/06/2025 21:12

Sounds like she (and you also tbh!) have BPD traits.
I hope both of you get help and I really hope the children aren't harmed by any of this nonsense.

Ajhmaialnntdoan · 02/06/2025 21:28

Well it seems you both have MH issues on both sides & why it's not working out! So what's the point in staying in it & as I've said it's NOT fair on the children & certainly won't be doing their MH any good - when your relationship didn't work out. And switching from a man to a woman the relationship is not working out either! You seriously need to look at your own MH as to why both relationships are not working

NDmumof2 · 02/06/2025 21:37

Hi, I'm also ND and I can totally relate to what you're going through. The anxiety of knowing what you need to do but not knowing when or how, will make you ill and send you under. My advice is to not finish things in person, you will only be manipulated into changing your mind. Do it by text, email or letter then stop all contact. Keep it simple and to the point. "I'm sorry but I'm not happy and I have decided that I no longer want to be in a relationship and I want to concentrate on my children." something like that. I know how scary it is but the relief you will feel afterwards will be worth it. If you are worried about any repercussions you could contact the police and discuss your concerns with them. They have specialists in abusive relationships and I'm sure they could offer you support /advice. Your GF sounds like she needs some professional help for her toxic behaviour. You and your children deserve so much better. Grit your teeth and put yourself first.
I hope that helps.

NeptuneOrion · 02/06/2025 21:39

Read in Control by Professor Jane Monckton Smith. Your GF is displaying controlling behaviour.

Make a plan to leave the relationship, tell people around you. Think about having her record checked under Claire's Law.

Coconutter24 · 02/06/2025 21:54

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 21:08

She’d potentially have my car/belongjngs smashed up, persist, have her friends watch me from afar on social media, maybe threaten me, conspire against me, paint a picture that I’ve destroyed her at the lowest point of her life etc. if history were to repeat itself!

These aren’t reasons to stay in a relationship! It doesn’t matter about rocking the boat or anything like that. You need her gone

YourDearCat · 03/06/2025 06:09

I was in a very similar situation. Get out while you can. I did after 27 years, and yes it cost a load (I didn't need to as we weren't married but I chose to) but it was money well spent. I am really chilled now and don't know why I didn't do it sooner. Good luck.

Thatfirstcoff · 03/06/2025 06:17

Classy username OP

Mind you, so much about this “relationship” is classy.

unbelieveable22 · 03/06/2025 06:40

This relationship is affecting your behaviour therefore will be affecting your children too. If you cannot walk away for yourself do it for your children before they are damaged. If their father is involved and aware of what is happening, hopefully he will move to protect your children. Think of the consequences for all of you if you continue your own current behaviour.