To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

Hmm maybe get your DH to talk to her about her 'clumsiness' and suggest making a doctor's appointment. If she protests, then raise the issue of how she has broken several things/been forgetful about how things work just in your home and these are the incidents you are aware of so maybe something like an infection that should be checked by a doctor.

Was DH in the room with her the whole time OP? What does he say happened?

She sounds more than just clumsy, for sure. DH is probably used to it though if he grew up with her "accidents" ruining his possessions that she didn't like etc. IDK how you deal with someone like this except to limit their access to your home so they can't break stuff. Also if it was a genuine accident surely she'd be apologetic and falling over herself to replace your stuff, how did she react after?

She’s offered to replace it, I hope?

Is she replacing the stuff she broke? She can’t just say ‘whoops’, shrug and pass it off.

Sounds like a bit of a leap to think your MIL is so deranged she's deliberately breaking plates to piss you off.

This reminds me of horrible grandma from Friday Night Dinner (the sitcom).

Personally I wouldn't have her in my house anymore. Has she at least offered to replace the broken items?

I could see the cordless hoover being an accident, but not the others. If I accidentally elbow something off a high shelf, it's at most one or two items. It sounds as though she was interfering or being nosy and dropped it, to be honest.

If she was doing it deliberately, why would breaking crockery in your home be of any benefit to her? Ironic that you call her judgey whilst at the same time being very disparaging yourself. Do you have sons? How will you feel if you have a DIL who hates everything you think and do?

Bloody hell, clumsy bugger. When is she replacing it? I'd be mortified to do something like that. She at least sounds incredibly careless and overstepping - how on earth was she faffing around with your TV so much to delete stuff off it?

I think you need to reach for a biscuit as there is nothing to be proved here. However, amazon is very useful for buying little cameras and you could always get one for her next visit?!

I'd think she was quite reasonable if I went round smashing her stuff up and not replacing it.

That was my thought too! Horrible Grandma.

It's possible, for sure. It's quite a thing to accuse her of though without proof and I'd think carefully about it before doing so, given the potential backlash.

She sounds like hard work but are your lives generally better for having her involved? If so, I'd hold my tongue for now.

I might be tempted to ask her 'How exactly did it happen? I'm a bit worried that the shelves are unstable, with little ones around!' and then assess her reaction. 🧐

Didn't DH see what she did?

Why on earth would she smash your Denby plates? To what end?
Understand she's annoying but it seems a stretch to think it was deliberate.

Is this a regular pattern outside your home? Does she break her own stuff , or shows this clumsy side elsewhere?

If DH cannot identify this as her regular self, maybe you kill her with kindness. ‘ MIL, I am worried about you, do you need to see a Dr?

Also next time she comes bring out the older mismatched china ( buy some from a charity shop) and explain you just cannot afford to keep replacing things ( I would do this but I had a short fuse with my MIL)

What did DH think?

did she offer to replace all the broken stuff?!

my gran was like this with my mum, utter gaslighting and sabotage so I know some MILs can be like this!

I was about to say the same about Horrible Grandma!

We don’t know if it was deliberate but can’t you imagine someone being spiteful? It happens.

That’s what I thought.

Was she mortified and offering to replace them?

Yeah it does...but the crockery? I dunno, just seems too randomly pointless to be an act of spite.

She better be replacing them! There’s accidents sure, but knocking something off a HIGHER shelf than what you’re reaching for screams deliberate

OP stated there were other things that had happened. Maybe she know the OP is fond of that set,

This is very annoying undoubtedly and I would expect her to pay to replace the items but a stretch to suggest she might do it on purpose because she thinks your parenting style is “interesting”.

Why would she? Has she mentioned not liking this set before or not keeping china in that cupboard in case it gets broken or anything like that which might serve as a motive for her to break it or be able to say “I told you so”? If not, it just seems a randomly spiteful reaction to something totally irrelevant and a very dangerous thing to do around young children if deliberate!