To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

wrong thread

Nope, not an accident.
Plates were on a high shelf and she needed to stretch to reach them.
She's a toxic cow.

Get a baby cam next time she is round and see what happens!

this.....Wheresthebeach have you any knowledge of this?....nope thought not.

"I'd have thought" ie I have never done this or tried to do it, I have zero idea what i am talking about but I will say it anyway.

Jealousy, spite?

My Denby plates have been dropped so many times into my slate tiles and they are amazing? I actually wish they would break as they are so old they have gone squeaky. No way can you break Denby by accident.

This!

Agree with this.

It is relatively inexpensive to get multiple cameras set up on wifi set to trigger recording on motion sensors. There will be quite a lot of footage to wade through but you will know which room it occurred in and can zero in on the footage.

Or don't invite her round anymore saying you are too busy with preparing for the arrival and after the baby is born, with the newborn.

Who needs this judgey grief anyway.

Your dh can take his mother out for a meal with the kids, to give you a rest.

She might not consciously being doing it but she's consciously being considerate of your things and because you're the only one dealing with the consequences she's just saying woops

Because I absolutely adore Denby, your post struck a very real nerve. She is a guest in your home and breaks your stuff, not once but time and time again🤷🏻‍♀️.

Id like to think positive about this lady, but this is happening too often to give her the benefit if the doubt - combined with the ‘look’ regarding the children.

It would be a long time before I invited her back, even if she voluntarily replaced every cherished piece of your Denby.

I would disagree with this.

It is both OP and her dh's house. Anyone who is invited to the house will need consent from both.

There are times where I don't want visitors because I know the cleaning and tidying ahead of the visit will fall on me and I have no bandwidth to entertain. So I say no and dh respects that.

I would never allow that MIL to house ever again. End of. No more drama. And suggest MIL gets checked out for dementia.

Our Denby plates are pretty weighty. You don't just brush them with your elbow from a high shelf. Deleting saved TV shows? OP have a lie down and a biscuit and know that your gut is right. I would be feeling the exact same as you. MIL's can be savage and nasty. The things you mention aren't clumsy, they're planned!

Is she clumsy like this at home with her own stuff?
i would be livid tbh, about all three incidents and she just doesn’t sound respectful of you, was she giving DH the “look” too as I find nothing more annoying when people look to just one parent to deal with the kids!
Has she offered to pay for the damage to the plates or the Hoover, as accident or not, she should be offering?
To me it doesn’t sound like an accident, what did DH see?

I guess if she’s clumsy these accidents also happen to her own property or the property of others?
does she offer to replace any of these items or clear up the mess? If she did replace them then I’d lean towards accident…

It’s not random when the Op loves those plates, breaking cherished possessions is a good way to upset someone.
There often isn’t logic to people’s actions when they’re being spiteful.

Get your next door neighbour to come round and do some conjuring tricks.

Whilst there is no absolute proof (not that there ever is such a thing in real life) it is suspicious. Oops sorry I accidentally stretched myself vertically to the max to reach for the gravy boat and just happened to put my elbow in the EXACT position to knock your Denby off a higher shelf. Get lost! No-one repeatedly breaks someone else's possessions unless they are mentally ill or malicious. As for deleting the TV shows, again, I just don't believe you can accidentally do that, think of the actions that would be needed to do that. I'd suggest keeping an eye on her when she is around anything you value and ask if she is intending to reimburse you for the broken items. If she comes back with the waaah-I'm-a-poor-wee-vulnerable-pensioner act, that will tell you all you need to know.

There is no solid evidence it's on purpose- but it seems to go way beyond clumsiness.
I would tell DH that you are really upset and you don't want your MIL in your home again until after the plates are replaced- and leave it up to him to break that to his mother.
Be certain DH doesn't pay for the replacements, insist on having the receipt "just in case".

I would be getting security cameras installed to catch her out.

Denby may not be top of the range but it's certainly not cheap either! (I know because I have the blue colourway and I wouldn't like to have to replace any of it.). I hope she offered to get you replacements? If not, fuck it, she's not coming around again.

If your husband's upset, tell him to replace the bloody plates.

No you are NOT unreasonable. It reminds me of that old question , " when is something too much too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence?"
My thoughts;

1. Let DH deal with his mother now and in the short term.
2. Just don't have her around at present. You have plenty going on just now without having unreasonable MIL behaviour. Give time for the dust to settle and you and DH can plan on how to move forward. No rush, just wait and see what happens.

Yes...that's the answer. Film her visits and resolve it in Ur mind. I don't think u r being unreasonable at all. If Ur Spidey senses are tingling then it's worth investigating.

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She’s not very good at coming up with convincing excuses, is she? You’d have to be about 8ft tall to have your elbow brush plates on a high shelf. Didn’t you or your husband point that out?