To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

My MIL is similar. Breaks something every time she is here. When the DC weee little, items would go missing and then turn up at her subsequent visit. I have always seemed utterly unconcerned.

Pick a nice replacement and send her the details as you assume she would like to replace it.

"Oh dear MIL let's make you a GP appointment to discuss your clumsiness, it can be sign of lots of serious illnesses. In the meantime it's probably best if you stay safe at your own house. DH would love to bring the children to you."

Definitely agree with the posts about Horrible Grandma from Friday Night Dinner. I wouldn't have her in my house .

Several things missing here, @AwayShow . Where was your husband when it happened? If he was with her, what's his version of events? What did he say to her? More to the point, what did you say to her? Did you ask her what she was even doing in your cupboards? Did you point out that the plates would have to be accessed deliberately because they were up high? Why did she need the gravy boat if you had finished eating?

This is what I would do

People pretty much do what they want to do. If I broke my DIL’s china I would be mortified and rush, apologetically, to replace it. If she hasn’t sincerely reacted this way then of course she did it on purpose. As to what she “gets out of it.” She gets what bullies get out of bullying: she enjoys the chaos snd distress of OP and the smug sense of getting away with it.

Time to set up some cameras and keep an eye on her next time. Sounds deliberate to me.

Did she offer to pay to replace the plates?

Maybe some pp haven't got experience with nasty malicious people, everyone in their family is lovely and it would be ludicrous to imagine any of them would do something like this on purpose, so they project that view onto others..

I have far too much experience of people who would do this sort of thing and inclined to pay attention to your instincts OP. However, without proof you'll end up being made her victim. She may be very good at this game.

If she is genuinely apologetic and insisting she will replace your stuff that's one thing.. is she doing that?

Be aware she may enjoy watching you get out old plates and bowls instead of the nice stuff, if it is deliberate.

I might be inclined to install a few hidden cameras in your home, you can get some that are photo frames.

Randomly I’m binge watching Friday night dinner right now lol. Has anyone seen the front room?? Recent horror (comedy) on sky….. now that is one strange MIL!!!!

Was she upset and really apologetic? Did she offer to replace the smashed items? If so, I would probably think that it was an accident.

If she's just saying 'oops' and seemingly unconcerned, I would suspect that it was deliberate.

As to why would she do it, possibly out of spite to upset her DIL. As there is a pattern of OP's stuff being broken, it is at least a possibility.

"Carol, I'm really worried about you. Every time you come over there's an accident that doesn't quite add up and puts you in harm's way. Is more of this happening at home when we're not there? I've discussed this with DH after last time, we really think you need to go to your GP to make sure there's nothing wrong neurologically or check your cognitive function. How are you feeling in general?"

If she's faking it, you call her.
If she's not, see does need to see her GP.
.

A women’s intuition is mostly right, sounds like she’s doing it on purpose. God what a miserable cow. Could you ask DH what he thinks and then call her out? I bet she wouldn’t do it again after that. Easier said than done though I’m sure.

Mmmm I think
She’s doing stuff on purpose NGL …you convinced me at ‘ passive aggressive ‘ ..

Does she replace the things she breaks?

She sounds like a weirdo op. Don’t let her near your rabbit!

Exactly. Well said.

Why would I do that?
Said by every perpetrator ever to shift the responsibility onto the victim to not only prove it happened but come up with some ideas about why the perpetrator did it. It's not the victim's responsibility to identify why the perpetrator did something.
"Because I could/wanted to/felt like it" is enough of a reason for some unhinged people.

The cordless vaccuum and deleting things off the box do sound like credible accidents, especially the latter if she isn't used to techy things. Smashing the dinner service does sound a bit odd though. Was she helping to wash up/put away and reaching to put the gravy boat away? Getting hold of your plates and deliberately smashing them all over the floor sounds pretty extreme by anyone's MIL stories. Was your DH in the kitchen at the time, what does he say?

I really can't imagine anyone being so vindictive and awful that they'd smash someone's crockery on purpose as soon as their back was turned. Then frame it as an accident?

You must think very little of her. Nobody normal would ever do such things on purpose to a family member.

She must replace what she broke and it's fine to be annoyed. Even possibly avoid inviting her round anymore.

But to say she smashed your best china deliberately places her in major psychopath territory and she isn't safe around your kids if it's true!

Lucky they didn’t land on her head if they were high up and she brushed them with her elbow. Or how high up is high up?

Edit; sorry, didn’t mean to quote OP.

What was she doing going to get your gravy boat in the first place?!
It's been done on purpose. She doesn't like your choice of chinaware, this way it's got rid of.
I would be very wary of having her round any more. Just don't invite her. Go to hers or meet at the park if she wants to see the children - and get DH to take them so you can rest / catch up with housework etc.

God knows whats going on it her head.

I'd send her links for replacements on the family what's app.

Are you sure about that? I can quite see it happening!

Is that you MiL?

Me too. Denby's probably about £20 a plate these days.

And I'd be serving her tea and coffee in a Tommy Tippee mug from now on if she's getting that clumsy. You don't want her trashing your carpets as well as your china.