To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

Tell DH to tell her she needs to replace it.

It does sound like something I might do completely accidentally (I am very clumsy and have almost no spatial awareness...). But if I broke my DILs china I would be so mortified that I'd still be apologising six months later and I'd replace the whole set with something more expensive!

I actually would genuinely get her to see a doctor. My grandmother became incredibly clumsy in the weeks prior to having a catastrophic brain haemorrhage.

Yeah I’m with you, OP. I’ve known people like this. (Funnily enough, all of them grandmothers but I do believe that to be a coincidence)
Starts off accidentally-yet-purposely breaking your things and buying you gifts that she knows that you will be able to tell are secondhand for example but nobody else can tell, only you so nobody else clicks on to it. Then it escalates to playing your DH off against you, then cancelling things you have planned (if she has/knows the details, obvs) including flights/hotels/restaurant reservations/anything which can’t be proven was her, so you still look paranoid if you call her out on it in front of others.

My mother does this. What she forgets is that people have cameras in places. I haven’t spoken to her in years but my sister says nothing changes.
i have a lovely piece of film on one of my old phones; sitting at my kitchen table and lifting up her mug and pouring coffee over the brand new tablecloth I’d just told her about. I’d foolishly nipped to the loo.

She sounds unhinged.

To piss the OP off. To punish her for not jumping to attention and altering the situation to MILs satisfaction when MIL gave her That Look about the DC running around.

OP I wouldn't have her in the house again. You can meet at a restaurant. None of these things are clumsiness. At best she's being nosey poking around where she shouldn't be, then carelessly breaking stuff whilst she's doing it and because she's feeling entitled to be nosey in the first place having an oh well shit happens attitude to your losses. At worst she's doing these things deliberately out of some kind of spite. My guess is she can't stand that she's not The Boss in your home. If she's passive aggressive I doubt you're imagining it. Sounds like barely concealed hatred of you, to me. Which is not necessarily anything to do with you, she may have felt this way about anyone her son was in a relationship with because she's perhaps one of these possessive types who can't let her DC fully grow up, go out in the world and live their own life, without feeling it's a personal insult that someone's stolen him away. Mothers like that are unhinged and basically see you as the OW. They just don't say it with words because they know it's not socially acceptable. They say it with behaviour instead.

I'd call her out on That Look next time. She'll deny it of course, but you'll be letting her know you're not going to tolerate it. Literally tell her to stop looking at you like that, there's nothing wrong with the DC running around in their own home playing before dinner and it doesn't make you a bad parent. I expect she wants them to sit down and give her an audience/entertain her. Like she's fricking royalty or something. Sees it as bad manners that they're not 100% focused on her the whole time she's there.

Unless she’s constantly breaking things elsewhere, I’d say this is deliberate.
And she chooses things she knows you like. Sly and vindictive.

Omg! Did you confront?

Indeed it is.

Now my MIL is a saint on earth, but earth has 7 billion and rising people on it. Some of those people are spiteful and vindictive, and spiteful, vindictive people have families too!

I think you need a lie down and a biscuit. Unless she is mental which is a possibility.

She should offer to replace it. If she doesn't offer, then your husband needs to ask her to replace it.

I'd be setting up a recently completed jigsaw and a hidden camera and trap the cow!

Genius!

She sounds unhinged.

Firstly she clearly didn't knock something from a high shelf by brushing it with her elbow.

Secondly, a normal MIL, having had an accident like that would have been very apologetic and upset about having done that. My MIL would have cried.

How the fuck can she break a vacuum and delete all your saved shows? This is sounding malicious.

She wasn’t worth the effort. This was quite sometime ago whilst I will still willing to give her a chance. I haven’t had anything to do with her for about fifteen years, she lost it all when she tried to play the grandchildren off against one another.

Made me think of Horrible Grandma too!

She sounds psychotic.

No idea - what does your DH think about latest incident?

My MIL used to insist on washing my clothes - which often felt odd and often tried to decline - and every time ruined them in a different way.

Upshot I always said firm no and hid my washing - even DH notice her odd behavior in end though took long time for him to admit - and fact it never affected his or the kids clothes. TBH though haven't been up since we got the cats so avoid the issue altogether now.

I hadn't thought about it before, but 20+ of my daughter's friends, partied at my house monthly for ages. Was supposed to be shared among all the parent's homes, but that never happened.
Apart from covering one precious table, I took no precautions yet nothing was ever damaged. Not the cream sofas, table lamps, nothing.
Strange how one person can cause three lots of damage.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, an item of expensive crockery for an item of expensive crockery.
I'd be having a smashing time at her place asap.

Horrible Grandmas was my first thought too!

Haha yes!

OP could be "clumsy" too.

Just don’t have her round so often.

she’s doing this because she knows short of camera evidence, it’s hard to prove these breakages are deliberate. And that you are unlikely to challenge her.

Did she say sorry?
My ex MIL did things like this, accidentally on purpose and NEVER said sorry. Just things like, well you shouldn’t have put it there etc. Blamed me for all the breakages.
I realised she was a nasty narcissist once it twigged my ex DH was one too.

Stop having her around.
Tell your husband you are done.
He visits at her house where she can break her own stuff.

Is your husband a bully?
Because no way a good decent man would think this is normal.