My sister is such a cow!!

[PIPERHELLO]

It’s a big milestone birthday for my mum (90), and I’m putting together a scrapbook of family photos, messages etc. Months ago I asked everyone to send brief messages / photos / memories for inclusion. Pretty much everyone has, except my eldest sister who tells me she ‘hasn’t got time’ and that it’s a gift from me, and she’s already got her gift sorted! 🤦‍♀️ Kind of not the point!!

Sadly, she has form here. She often doesn’t support me on this type of thing. So I’m not that surprised.

What I want to do is send her a reply saying she’s sort of missing the point, and how hard can it be to send a few photos & a message. But - am I right in thinking there’s little point! She’s not stupid. She’s doing it to try & sink my idea, simple as that. (She won’t - I’ve got loads of other nice stuff to include!)

AIBU in thinking she’s a complete cow??

Personally I’d just leave her out of it, if she’s going to be selfish then don’t include her in the scrap book and if mum asks tell her your sister didn’t want to participate in it.

Probably a cow. But you should continue with your gift and make it extra special, placing it in centre piece when you have a party, that way guests can admire it.

don’t try to make your sister jealous or anything. Just basque in the glory of your effort.

siblings, especially when parents are elderly, can be twats. But you may need her after your mums is gone so don’t burn bridges

Can you say that you understand you’re organizing it but everyone else has contributed so it would be nice if she did and noticeable if she didn’t?

It is fucking selfish isn’t it?!

Find a couple of photos of your Mum and your sister, where your sister looks ropey and include them! Then when she complains just tell her she had her chance to send over some that she liked and that you think she looks lovely in the pics 😂

That was exactly what I did in follow up number 4 this week. I said everyone else had got involved & it would seem a pity not to include her. And this was her response (in original post).

Hahahaha!! Love it!

YES! 💯 that’s such a brilliant subtle middle finger

It’s not really a gift from you if it involves effort from other people.

Given your mother’s age, I’m guessing you and your sister are likely in or around your 60s and too old for petty squabbles and oneupmanship?

She is but she'll realise that when the time comes OP.

that is one way of looking at it, but I don’t think sending a few photos & a short note on a piece of plain paper requires much effort. I’ve bought an embossed book, got input from multiple people, pressed flowers, collected tickets, drawings, stitched shells into the pages etc.

I agree it’s pretty petty, but on her part!

ok I’m gonna go against the grain here
Is there any backstory here with you and your sister or your sister and your mother?

like in theory it’s easy to send a pic and a message to go in the book but if shes saying she has her own present sorted then maybe she’s come up with her own special thing?

I have a different point of view I'm afraid. My relationship with my parents was very different to that of my sister's with them.

This sounds exactly like the kind of thing my sister would do and I would probably also decline to participate on the basis of saying nothing is better than saying what I would really want to say. I wouldn't feel the need to contribute nor would I worry that my non participation may be noticeable.

Only your sister knows why she is choosing not to join in but perhaps she has a similar reason.

She may feel more comfortable giving a less personal gift in such circumstances.

This is absolutely what I'd do, I'd include a cpuple of nicer ones too ...then she is in it

For memorablilia stuff if they went on holiday or a westend show id get some prints printed and included so it looks like a memento

Fair questions.

It is not - and I’m pretty sure about this - that she had a bad experience or childhood and therefore doesn’t want to participate. She’s got prior form with being an absolute bitch to me over the years, and to me it is clear that she’s just trying to undermine my idea.

Right and the people cheering on “find pics where your sister looks like shit and include them lol”
:-/ yikes

Maybe she doesn’t like you centering yourself as the one who is organising the gift.

Again, I think your thoughts are very valid. But no, she’s done similar sorts of personal gifts herself in the past so it’s not that.

Yes, I think this is part of the issue. She doesn’t like the fact that the gift that may well mean the most to my mum will have originated from me. Jealousy, possibly?!! 🤦‍♀️
Incidentally, the book says ‘We love you’ on it - the implication being everyone! So I am trying to make it super inclusive. And the messages from everyone was part of this, too.

Op, it really depends on any back story.
My husband’s sister tried to do something similar for their mum. She wanted photos and quotes off everyone to put into her gift.
She failed to consider that although my husband and his mum get on ok now, they aren’t close and in fact didn’t speak for about 7 years. My husband didn’t want to say lovely things about his mum that he didn’t think were 100% true and he would never have bought her this type of gift, and so didn’t want to be a part of it.
No he didn’t explain himself to his sister and yes he was called selfish and asked why he just couldn’t make the effort. He just ignored.

Sadly, she has form here. She often doesn’t support me on this type of thing.

What other similar types of thing have you done that you've asked for her support with?

i interpreted these posts as a joke!? I’m not actually going to do that! I’m just including nice pix of us all.

I think then just carry on with the people who did contribute

It's an absolutely lovely idea but the gift isn't from you.

It's from all of you and should be framed as such.

Perhaps she'd be more onboard if you gave it as a gift from the family, as that's what it is?

Does your sister not want to do this for your mum for a reason related to her and your mum?
Or, has she always been left out by you and your mum and she’s done with you both?