I just screamed 'Stop bullying my fucking kids' at my husband.

[thenoodlemachine]

He was shouting at them and they were both crying. I lost it. I am feeling very fragile so please be nice.

Doesn't sound as though anyone handled it especially well. Time to sit down and talk things through calmly before a toxic environment sets in.

Why is he allowed to shout but you're acting like you are the only one who crossed the line?

He doesn't sound like a peach. Who keeps shouting at their crying child over a messy bedroom?! Odd behaviour all round.

Are your daughters okay?

Be a parent and stop freaking out, I would never have said anything like that to my husband and actually if he was at the end of his tether at a teenager not pulling there weight I can see why he was cross...Not how our marriage works we support each other in whatever is said to the kids and you would be lucky if you here anyone shout for the dog to get in other than that all peace when your on same page

I hope you feel better this morning.
I can understand that the shouting triggered you and you panicked. Basically, your DH was being abusive to DDs and there are two choices here which is to submit or react. But your brain doesn’t think through the reaction rationally when you are triggered, it just wants the situation to stop. Which is what you shouted.
I also think you should be kind to yourself about this situation evolving. You have done nothing wrong in asking your DH to address the unequal distribution of household tasks. I guess my question here is how much is he actually doing and how much is he just on DDs case to do stuff. Have you all got a rota or chore list? Because it reads a bit like he is addressing the unequal distribution of tasks by getting on at the other females in the house to do it. I don’t know, I am a single parent so I do most things anyway, but one reason I am single is that I didn’t want my DC to grow up in a battle zone. My ex would have absolutely behaved like your DH. Not saying you should leave your husband, but he’s not rolling up his sleeves and getting on with it - you are being accused of ‘escalating’ things and he’s displacing his own frustrations about being called out on his laziness on to the DDs, so that’s partly also what you are reacting to.

Thank you for your pomposity, it genuinely gave me a much-needed laugh. Also: *their

You apologised to HIM and he was screaming at 3 crying women?

Your poor poor children.
This is so wrong.
You should have asked him to leave.

I agree. What is going on in your house that you feel somehow you're at fault?
You lost the head and shouted at him AFTER he roared at your children (over bloody nothing) to the point where one child has to defend their siblings from him and you all ended up really upset??
What did you do wrong here??? I fail to see YOUR wrongdoing. Your husband however....

Don't beat yourself up, if you've never lost it before you must be a saint. When everyone calms down maybe all sit down and discuss it. Kids aren't innocent if their rooms are bad and you're having to get annoyed about them not keeping them decent. Maybe if there's a reason he's having a lie in it wasn't the best time to tackle it. He shouldn't be shouting at you all crying but he was trying to support you.

It isn't the end of the world and perimenopause can be tough. Confession time as I had an easy time with peri and menopause and was still capable of being a grump.

And *you're 😉😄

Have I understood this correctly, you asked your DH to do more round the house and his solution is to tell/shout at the female children to do it?
What is he actually doing in terms of household work?

"YourOnMute · Today 10:57

I agree. What is going on in your house that you feel somehow you're at fault?
You lost the head and shouted at him AFTER he roared at your children (over bloody nothing) to the point where one child has to defend their siblings from him and you all ended up really upset??
What did you do wrong here??? I fail to see YOUR wrongdoing. Your husband however...."

I agree with the above poster, really feel your husband caused all this upset and you reacted due to it reminding you of your childhood. Glad you apologised to your DDs, did your DH apologise for his part which I think is worse, shouting at a crying child who had tidied her room?

Would be a good idea if you all sat down and agreed a cleaning schedule. Your dc and dh should be doing their fare share of tasks.