To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

[Liesmorelies]

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

She wasn’t being snide. She was making conversation. You’re being sensitive here. Very common to ask a woman in her late 40s if she’s a grandmother. The majority of women in my family all became grandmothers in their 40s. It’s not a big deal.

It's called making conversation. 🫣

Nothing wrong with this at all, lots of women are grandparents at 49.

It’s not remotely like asking a woman if she is currently pregnant.

You're being a little sensitive.

Perhaps a reply like "not yet, my children aren't old enough" would do?

It really isn't unusual to be a grandparent in your late 40s at all.

you are being uber sensitive
she is just making conversation of course she isn’t snide
asking if you are pregnant is v rude as it suggests you have a big belly and it very personal question , having grandchildren is nothing of the sort ! Most people don’t do maths before chit chatting , maybe she knows a few young grannies ?
thats raging insecurity

It was rude!

I wouldn’t dream of asking a women in her 40’s if she had Grandchildren. It was very tactless but try not to take it to heart. I’m sure she meant no harm and just probably wasn’t thinking.

It's normal to have grandchildren at 49. I think it's insensitive to ask though. People keep asking my 18 year old why he's not at university which I find quite rude too.

It’s hard to figure out the age of someone, 49 could easily be 45 to 55. It really isn’t unusual for someone to be a grandparent at 50.

I became a ( foster) granny at 35 dead proud of that !

I'd not ask someone if they had grandkids, much like I'd not ask a woman if she had kids. It can be painful for some people.

But if I did ask that type of thing it wouldn't cross my mind to ask a 48 year old if she was a granny. That seems young to me (cos my DC was at primary when I was 48)

I’m a similar age to you and would also be horrified! Surely it isn’t that common to have grandchildren in your late 40s?? None of my friends have grandchildren yet

@Catinthereallysmallhat of course she might have been snide. Also no, it is absolutely not remotely common to ask women in their late 40’s if they have gc 😂😂. I’m late 30’s with teens and wouldn’t dream of asking someone in their 40’s if they have grandkids!
@Liesmorelies Does this coworker have form for being a bit of a wind up ? If you are in the UK this isn’t a normal question , there’s plenty of parents in their 50’s in my son’s secondary school, nope, wouldn’t ask if they are grandparents even if I didn’t know they had teenagers

Does she have GC or would like them?
When people ask these seemingly random questions it is sometimes because it's something they want to talk about or are interested in.
I wouldn't for one moment think she was being snide by asking you if you had GC.

It doesn’t imply you’re old though - you could have become a mother at 25 yourself with adult children now in their twenties having children - both pretty normal. She wasn’t insinuating that you look 75.

Regardless of someone's apparent age, I would never ask that question. Just like I wouldn't ask someone if they had children. It's way too personal, with all sorts of potential pitfalls, so I just wait for them to tell me. And they usually do!

Oh gosh I can’t think she meant any harm at all! It’s a perfectly innocent topic of conversation.

Sorry, OP, but going on what you’ve said I think you’re being prickly.

Why offended? Is it because you don’t want people to think you’re old enough to be a granny? Newsflash, you’re old enough to be a granny.

Its conversation is all, and to suggest that it’s the same as asking a woman if she’s pregnant is in fact incredibly offensive.

People get older, the sooner they drop the insecurity over that the better.

You might think you look younger than you do, but you’re not.

People tell me I look younger than I am, doesn’t change the fact that I’m 51 though.

Getting older is a fact of life, but if your kids are only teens then surely you just answer that they’re not old enough to have kids yet.

This is clearly about you and not about them.

In some ways YANBU, but also its making conversation. I'm shocked someone would ask a 50 yo though, a 50 yo grandmother would be quite rare these days! I find asking anything feels like it could be risky now. I live in a naice area, so I don't like asking people where they live because I feel like I'm showing off if they ask me back!

I'm really astonished that lots of people think it's reasonable to assume a 49 year old has grandchildren - around me lots and lots of 49 year olds have primary aged children, not grandchildren! It may not have been intentional but I'm not surprised it stung, OP. Is she a lot younger?

I'm 48 and noone my age is anywhere near having grandchildren, I'm shocked people think 49 is not uncommon at all!

I’m really surprised - if she knew you had children, why didn’t she just ask how old they are - that would give a big clue as to whether or not you might be a grandmother! I knew someone who was a grandmother in her late forties - I was surprised by that. I didn’t become a grandmother until I was over sixty.

A 49-year-old who had a child in their late twenties - not uncommon at all - will have an adult child in their early twenties who could have had children - less common than it used to be, but hardly rare or shocking, surely?