To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

[Liesmorelies]

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

What a snobbish comment.
My husband, dad and grandpa all had babies by 22. My dad and grandpa were really posh and went to boarding school!

As if they reported you 😂 How embarrassing for them.

The world is circling a drain with this drivel. It’s not remotely offensive to ask of you have grandkids ffs.

The only people I know that are, are the stereotypical types that left school at 16 and still live in the same city in social housing. Not those that went to uni and have careers.

I was 21. I got my bachelors and masters degrees in my 30s. There’s more than one way to live a life.

Like, I wasn't calling them a cunt. Just their shitty opinion 🤷

@FancyCatSlave

Given I wasn’t far off 42 and her dad was 46 when DD was born I’d piss myself laughing if anyone asked me if I was a grandparent- DD is in Reception.
You never know, if DD marries the child of a young mother, you might look like a grandparent at the wedding.

it does imply that you're at least 60 though. I would never make a comment that implied anything around someone's age, basically.

My cleaning lady was a great grandmother at 56!

You sound so gross. I would absolutely assume someone in their late 40’s early 50’s doing the school run was a grandparent but not so rude as to mention it just incase. But then I guess I’m just an uneducated lowlife who never left home and lives in social housing…. Not.

It can be a bit insensitive if you don’t even know that the person you’re asking has kids.

Waiting till your late 30s to have kids can cause serious health issues with the child and the mother. Much safer the have kids under the age of 35. I would say it’s rather selfish to have kids later and increase the chances of miscarriage, still born and developmental delays.

What’s your definition of “rough” area then? Somewhere where people have kids in their 20s?

To be a grandmother at 49 could mean someone had a baby at 24 and that baby went onto have a baby at 24/25. That’s fairly normal no? I had my DC in my thirties but I wouldn’t consider anyone rough for having had them earlier.

This is insanely fear-mongering. The vast majority of babies born to mothers 35 or older are completely healthy babies.

I was definitely thinking it. 🤔

That is savage 🤣😂

She’s a bitch and it’s rude to ask that. I’d say don’t ask at all as the person will volunteer or if I did ask it would only be if the person was obviously 60+

I remember a bitchy lady at work asking a colleague similar. Colleague was early 50s and the woman was like “so Amanda are you looking forward to grandkids soon then” and my colleague just looked at her and was like “well my DD is 13 so I really fucking hope not”.

YABU it’s nothing like asking someone if they are pregnant. A lot of people have grandchildren at 49/ in their early 50s.

Selfish to have a miscarriage? Selfish towards whom precisely?

Yeah and there are plenty of 18 year olds who have babies but if I was chatting to a group of late teens I wouldn’t enquire about whether they had kids.

Didn’t say all babies. I said it can cause.. and yes it is fact, that there is a greater chance of those things happening. Have a look at the research.

Ffs what an old fashioned outlook!
I didn’t meet someone I wanted to make a baby with until I was 33, married at 35.
Fertility issues, completely unrelated to my age, I had a pituitary tumour, meant that I had my one and only ay 40. She is now mid twenties, perfectly healthy, confident and successful.
Our home was the one all her friends wanted to come to because it was open, friendly and relaxed. Being an older mother has much to recommend it.

The increased chance is tiny.
To say it’s selfish is absolutely mind blowing. What a nasty comment.

Plenty of women your age have children in their 20s or approaching 30. All you have to do is say "no not yet" or "no my DC are still teens" or "no I don't think they'll be having any", whatever applies. Or just no.
It's not like she asked someone in their 30s.

It’s more unusual though

I was a dgm in early 50s but none of my peers were

It shocked me when she told me because I was 40 and on maternity leave with my first!