To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

[Liesmorelies]

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

You literally said anyone in their 20s having kids is an unplanned pregnancy. You also said a granny to you is a really old person sitting by the fire knitting

Id say it's depressing knowing there are so many people going around looking at young mums and thinking these nasty things but as they are so fond to remind us no one reproduces before 35 "in their circles and neighbourhood" and anywhere with young mums must be a "rough area/shithole" so I guess we don't need to worry too much

I said anyone I know. Not anyone full stop. Prob because I live in an area where it’s impossibly to rent and people are rarely in a stable enough situation to have kids young here. If you are lucky enough that you were that’s great for you. We aren’t all in that position in our 20s.
and I am aware people can be grannies at a young enough age but yes that is my image of a granny. Sorry if that makes me a bad person.

I don't think its shockingly rare to assume someone at 50 (because let's be honest, they probably didn't know your exact age and despite what we like to say to ourselves, we most likely DO look our age!) or 49 is a grandparent. She likely thought you were around 50ish.

I'm a middle class professional but still had my first at 27yrs old. I was married 2 yrs by then, and we'd bought our first proper home. I had qualified as a solicitor that year too. My sister had her first at 25yrs and made my Mum a grandparent at 49yrs. My Dad had just turned 50 at the time. Don't remember anyone finding it odd or being shocked that they were so young to be grandparents.... it was hardly like she was a teen mum!

Parents are now 65 and 66 and have 4 grandchildren, aged between 14 and 4!

The comments about mother's in their twenties are bad enough god knows what they think of teen mum's. Really these individuals old enough to be grandmas should know better than to say these nasty things about mother's half their age just minding their own business raising their children. Talking about no ambition, low class, "I don't know anyone like that because they only live in shit holes and I don't". Just pure spitefulness.

You are equally ignorant to not know the difference between in anamoly and norm.

I don't know anyone like that because they only live in shit holes and I don't.

Noone said what you wrote.

Really these individuals old enough to be grandmas should know better.

How agiest!

By your stretch of imagination, we can assume you think that the moment a woman turns 40, she is in the grandmother bracket. The right age for having kids is early 20s.
How cruel for those who struggled with fertitility.

I am going to ask admins to delete this thread. Posters are being very insensitive not only to young mothers but also to those who struggled with fertility or those who couldn't have children to be told you are old enough to be grandmothers. Like a woman has no other identity.

No one said that word to word but it's what they imply when they constantly say young mums only live in rough/poor areas and they claim not to know any young mums in their high and mighty paradise.
And I'm not ageist towards mums of any age my own mother was 40 when I was born I apologise if you misinterpreted anything I said and took offence.
But yes I do think grown woman in their 40s+ should know better than to pick on very young mums. They would not let anyone disrespect their daughters aged 16 but think it's fine to pick on someone else's daughter that age just because she's a mother

That is just your point of view though.

What an enlightening comment.