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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A 'Wifey' on DH's phone. And its not me.

204 replies

Needsomeadvice2234 · 30/05/2025 22:27

Real simple - snooped on DH phone and found a 'Wifey' saved in his contacts - he called this number unanswered a month ago but no history I can see. I called it and rang out then phoned right back. Like an idiot I hung up. Now I'm thinking I should call and find out who the Hell this is....
I'm feeling very sick and scared and just want to bury my head in the sand because I can't believe this...
I have the number. Do I call and find out or ask him first. I'm shaking.

OP posts:
Silvercoconut · 01/06/2025 18:09

I’d just call and listen to see who answers at first.Then I’d try to get hold of his phone bill with a list of numbers online. You might need his phone for this though. TBH at this point I’d probably be looking through emails, texts, calls photos and WhatsApp’s. Cuz he’s lying.

I'm afraid I agree. After being told by my exh he rung the number ONCE BY MISTAKE the online billing showed hundreds of calls, all had been deleted 😓

PizzaSophiaLoren · 01/06/2025 23:41

Just ask him?!!! Is everyone mad?!
ask him and warn him and give him a heads up to cover his tracks?!

MrsEverest · 01/06/2025 23:47

If this happened when single I’d assumed he’d met a woman somewhere and they exchanged numbers by her using his phone to call herself. Leaving the name ‘wifey’ as a flirty thing. And then now cringing because he hasn’t called and thinking it’s because she put a lame name in his phone and looked like an idiot.

inkognithia · 02/06/2025 06:44

Calliopespa · 31/05/2025 09:47

What I find is a bit patronising about MN is that at the first tangible sign of trouble women are told they have been naive just trusting their DH, of COURSE going to the gym is a sign he has someone else, did she not suspect when he got the membership?, of COURSE men aren’t at work all day when they say they are, of COURSE it wasn’t a conference he went away to. All these things should have been perfectly obvious because … men are men.

But yet looking at their phone would be a paranoid and gross breach of privacy. My DH and I look at each other’s phones all the time. It’s just interesting and sometimes useful. “ Oh, I wonder what the plumber texted back?” “ What time was that grocery delivery ordered for.” If DH was, say, in the shower, of course I’d just check his texts for the time slot. I can’t see a problem unless there’s something to hide … which brings us right back to the start of this post which is that someone women are supposed to have been ultra vigilant about every normal-looking incident.

Your response, whilst emotive and impassioned, doesn't really address what I said, does it?

Whilst we can ignore the first paragraph, as it in no way relates to either the content or inference of my post, I suspect you might find clarification helpful.
At no point did I suggest the OP is being naive; indeed, she may be absolutely spot on about an affair, but I think I made it pretty clear in the opening line that that's not the point I was making...

Which segues neatly to your second paragraph.
You mention that you and your DH allow each other to check your phones all the time. Whilst this practice may work for you personally, it is unusual. I'd gently suggest that personal privacy or, at least, a sense of the same, is absolutely sacred to most human beings. A desire for, and expectation of, privacy doesn't automatically equate to an admission of guilt, despite authoritarian regimes the world over really wanting it to ("If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" is, of course, a logical fallacy).

In respect of this particular thread, I repeat that I firmly believe everybody has the right to expect personal privacy and that "snooping" (the OP's word, not mine) on another person's device is an invasion of that privacy.

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