A 'Wifey' on DH's phone. And its not me.

[Needsomeadvice2234]

Real simple - snooped on DH phone and found a 'Wifey' saved in his contacts - he called this number unanswered a month ago but no history I can see. I called it and rang out then phoned right back. Like an idiot I hung up. Now I'm thinking I should call and find out who the Hell this is....
I'm feeling very sick and scared and just want to bury my head in the sand because I can't believe this...
I have the number. Do I call and find out or ask him first. I'm shaking.

What made you look at his phone? Did you have suspicions? Does he know you’ve got his password?

Think @thismummyslife suggestion is most likely. Is it the wife of one of his friends who he has been forwarded the number for, so that friend could later ring wife after say anticipated loss of charge on their own phone to eg organise lift home? Can you work out from the date of the call if he was out with friends at the time of the call?

I was brought up in the North East of England and I didn't know the term " wifey" until I met my first husband who was a Glaswegian. I was totally confused when he described a woman we knew as a " Sweetie wifey" . I'd no idea what he was talking about and had to ask him to explain.( It's a Scottish expression for a gossip.)
Of course having lived in Scotland now for many years wifeys and wee wifeys are just normal parlance for me now.

What's the point of the debate over the word "wifey"?

Presumably OP would know if her husband was Scots or Northern by now 😂😂 and how or if he uses the word.

Regardless of the question of whether DH is having a secret affair, I have a more pressing question:

What on earth possessed you to utterly betray somebody else's privacy by snooping on their device?

If the answer is that you couldn't be sure of honesty by just talking with your DH about your suspicions, then your relationship has much bigger problems than you think.

Really? 🤨

Well actually I agree with this.

Tbh I would have thought there was a possible innocent explanation until OP updated about him saying he couldn't remember and the hug. A strange reaction.

I have a "Wifey" in my phone contacts - because bloody Google FamilyLink has somehow merged all my dd13's contact list into mine. "Wifey" is one of her best friends.

My brother is also now listed as "Uncle XYZ" and my former DH is "Poppa Bear".

And I have no idea how to fix it 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

I do genuinely know someone with the surname Wife who is known as Wifey. Like Webby or Smithy.

I don’t think I would believe him and I usually like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
The fact the number was saved wifey suggests he knows them. I’ve saved numbers into WhatsApp before and it’s come up with a name- but never a nickname.

I don’t think I would let this go. He’s reacted well but is that just to pacify you and think it’s all innocent.

So ask him!

It’s not much of an “affair” if he’s only rung her once a month ago 🤦‍♀️

I thought this too! Given the only call was a month ago.

So he doesn’t remember saving someone’s phone number as ‘wifey’? Of course he doesn’t. I’d send a message, ask who they are, they may not respond of course.

Perhaps it’s a spelling mistake to begin with……just a suggestion. I’d call it but put 141 before the number to withhold yours, and see who answers.

Im sorry what your managers wife called you and you think this is normal?! I bet he was raging with her after that.

OP there’s honestly nothing suspicious about this wifey thing. The explanation that your husband got forwarded a number/saved it with a typo and doesn’t remember is way more likely than him saving an affair partner under this.

His reaction to you asking about it isn’t suspicious either. You are lucky he’s not angry at you for going through his saved numbers though as he’d have a right to be.

You are obviously an anxious person and you run the risk of seriously damaging your relationship through that anxiety. Don’t listen to posters here who are encouraging you to lean into it.

Well exactly. A woman who posted here about her DH subjecting her phone activities to this level of scrutiny would be told he’s controlling and to LTB. But plenty of posters here are egging on OP’s baseless anxieties for the drama.

I cannot imagine having anyone’s number in my phone saved as a contact and not know who they are. I have a lot of random people saved as contacts: the Airbnb owner from when I went to Spain 5 years ago. Some random farmer who is a friend of a friend who I needed to call to come emergency bale our hay when the guy we hired broke his baler and up and left. I even have the midwife from when I was in labour with my 7 year old who said I’m going in to the hospital to have lunch (had a home birth) but call me if you need me to come straight out to you. But I know who they are and I remember saving all of them, even in labour.

I sure as hell would know who some random man I put in my contacts as ‘babe’ or whatever and called a month ago. I suspect the messages have been deleted and the missed call was a one-off.

That said, if you were doing something you didn’t want your partner to know about, calling someone wifey isn’t very discreet.

Where was he at the time/day the call was made? It’s the sort of thing I can see a woman doing if he, say, handed his phone to her to put her number in. Perhaps because she didn’t really want to give him her name or number. But did want to leave something obvious behind so a partner would know what a knob he was being on a night out. Hence why no answer to his call.

What's bizarre about simply not remembering?

It's not 1984, you can switch your phone to hide number 😁

Is it possible he has just deleted most of the call logs and missed one?

OP, can your husband at least account for the use of the term "Wifey"? Is that a name he might use for a contact? Could he have been sent the contact by someone else using that name?

That's pretty weird about the colleagues wife tbh

Not remembering adding a contact with an unusual description? I'd say thats pretty strange.

We have instincts for a reason. You know exactly why you went through his phone in this way.

He knows exactly who wifey is.
And you exactly that something isn't right about it.

From a distance it feels this may have been a previous relationship/situationship that fizzled out. She may have even saved herself as that in his phone. Given last contact was a month ago, it didn't work out for whatever reason and he's likely embarrassed.

So you can decide.

Keep pushing and find out, creating new wounds. OR
Leave it. Just remember our instincts are the one tool women were given to really protect us.

All the best x