Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has wet the bed…

1000 replies

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:31

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

OP posts:
Bessica1970 · 30/05/2025 14:33

But he hasn’t just gone out doing his own thing, he’s taken the kids out.

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:35

Bessica1970 · 30/05/2025 14:33

But he hasn’t just gone out doing his own thing, he’s taken the kids out.

Yup, just like I have for the rest of the week.

still wouldn’t think I could leave my mess for him to clean up (whilst working) without talking about it first.

OP posts:
SaintNoMountainHighEnough · 30/05/2025 14:35

Would imagine he's mortified and wasn't sure how to proceed with it. Cracking on with his day may be a way of emotionally coping with this.

Would suggest he will want a chat when you are back together.

x2boys · 30/05/2025 14:37

I would be more concerned about why he's done, this ,
Is he drinking more fluids ,than normal?
Excessive thirst can be a sign of Diabetes

Vroooooom · 30/05/2025 14:37

Could you work, whilst looking after the kids, if he’d sorted the bed though?

BusyExpert · 30/05/2025 14:38

Poor man he must be terribly embarrassed. I think that I would be a bit more understanding and encourage him to see a Dr

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:38

Vroooooom · 30/05/2025 14:37

Could you work, whilst looking after the kids, if he’d sorted the bed though?

My kids are old enough to sort themselves out whilst he deals with the multiple wash loads it’s going to take, so I wouldn’t have to.

OP posts:
doodleschnoodle · 30/05/2025 14:40

I find it a bit weird neither of you said anything about it in the first place! Presuming you’ve been together a long time to have kids etc., I can’t imagine just getting up and DH saying ‘Oh we need to change the bed’, there being pee all over it and no one mentioning it?! I’d be like ‘Is that pee? What happened? Are you okay?’ etc.

ItsBouqeeeet · 30/05/2025 14:40

'He's embarrassed' - you said. Yes YABU.

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:41

BusyExpert · 30/05/2025 14:38

Poor man he must be terribly embarrassed. I think that I would be a bit more understanding and encourage him to see a Dr

we discussed that he needs to see a doctor this morning, and I have been very understanding to him.

i’m just sat here now, after spending my lunch break trying to find space to dry everything feeling a bit miffed that this has fallen to me without so much as a second being taken to ask if I’m alright to.

OP posts:
millymoo1202 · 30/05/2025 14:41

I’d be annoyed too, cleaning up someone else’s pissy bedding. He should’ve had a conversation with you about it and he needs to see GP to be checked

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:42

doodleschnoodle · 30/05/2025 14:40

I find it a bit weird neither of you said anything about it in the first place! Presuming you’ve been together a long time to have kids etc., I can’t imagine just getting up and DH saying ‘Oh we need to change the bed’, there being pee all over it and no one mentioning it?! I’d be like ‘Is that pee? What happened? Are you okay?’ etc.

Edited

Huh?

he woke up up with morning telling me we need to change the bed - it was very much mentioned.

OP posts:
BusyExpert · 30/05/2025 14:45

What is he like normally?if he is a lazy entitled sod be miffed, if not my previous point stands, in the scheme of things doing some washing is nothing.

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/05/2025 14:46

Yes, he is not a child and should have been the one to change the bedding. I caught that at " he helped me...". No, you helped him!

Shellianotwheels · 30/05/2025 14:47

Why couldn’t he sort out the wet bed himself and you take the kids out?

ilovesooty · 30/05/2025 14:47

millymoo1202 · 30/05/2025 14:41

I’d be annoyed too, cleaning up someone else’s pissy bedding. He should’ve had a conversation with you about it and he needs to see GP to be checked

The OP said he would be seeing his GP. Presumably he's not expecting to be seeing a GP right now as an immediate emergency. He must be feeling pretty bad about this and at least he took the kids out. He didn't just scarper out on his own.

ilovesooty · 30/05/2025 14:48

Shellianotwheels · 30/05/2025 14:47

Why couldn’t he sort out the wet bed himself and you take the kids out?

She's working.

rebeccachoc · 30/05/2025 14:48

I understand him being embarrassed, but that doesn't mean he gets to shirk (is that the right word?) his responsibility of cleaning up his own mess! I started a new medication with that as the side effect and when I realised I just got on with sorting it myself. I didn't just tell my partner I'm off out see you later. Very selfish!

But on a medical side of things, has he had any back pain recently? There is a disease that in Latin is called horse tail syndrome and if you can't control your bladder or bowels suddenly, it's a serious emergency, like go to A&E. Hopefully it's not that, just a new medication or a really deep sleep but I thought I'd mention it.

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:48

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/05/2025 14:46

Yes, he is not a child and should have been the one to change the bedding. I caught that at " he helped me...". No, you helped him!

Good catch actually.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so annoyed - the default probably is that I’ll do it without checking first.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 30/05/2025 14:48

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower

So you both strip the bed, he goes for a shower because he’s obviously covered in wee, when you say you crack on do you mean you take the stuff to the washing machine?

ZippyPeer · 30/05/2025 14:49

If it was me who'd wet the bed I would 100% see this as my responsibility to resolve.

I imagine it's the pressumption that you will take care of it without even a discussion that feels galling. Like you're his mum and he's a little kid. Yuck

rwalker · 30/05/2025 14:50

It’s a one off he will be beyond embarrassed , mortified and humiliated
I presume you’ve got a machine and not having to drag it down to the river and beat it with rocks

why humiliate him further and make a big deal how would I feel if was you

itsmeits · 30/05/2025 14:50

BusyExpert · 30/05/2025 14:38

Poor man he must be terribly embarrassed. I think that I would be a bit more understanding and encourage him to see a Dr

Why not bag it up drop it at a laundrette, apologies say one of the kids/dog/cat had an accident on it.
@WFHbore2023 I agree he should have asked if you could help out not just leave you to it. Least he could habe done was start the frist load off.
Embarrassed or not if he was on his own would he have just left it 🤔

WearyAuldWumman · 30/05/2025 14:50

Bessica1970 · 30/05/2025 14:33

But he hasn’t just gone out doing his own thing, he’s taken the kids out.

I'd say that taking the kids out is possibly a bit easier to handle (unless there's missing info) than manhandling and washing a super-king-sized duvet. It's a much easier job for two pairs of hands.

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:50

Coconutter24 · 30/05/2025 14:48

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower

So you both strip the bed, he goes for a shower because he’s obviously covered in wee, when you say you crack on do you mean you take the stuff to the washing machine?

Edited

Yes, and put in the first load of soiled laundry.
and then repeat until it’s finished - I’m currently on the 4th load.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread