Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

What else is going on that you resent helping your DH with an embarrassing problem?

if I didn’t want to do it I would have clearly said “can you sort that out”.

however because I love my DH and he would help me if roles were reversed I wouldn’t be this pissed off about it. Life’s too short and reloading the washing machine isn’t exactly hard. As long as he remakes the bed we’d be all good.

Because I’d quite like to get in to a made bed tonight, and that wasn’t going to happen unless I did it

There's no woman here that in ops husbands shoes would have left him to deal with her urine soaked sheets and fucked off out.

He sould have at least put the first load in, he could have asked you nicely if you would help dry the stuff if he washed it all first, he could have taken responsibility for his mess and taken it to a laundrette but no, he just left it to op without a word.

It's disrespectful.

I'd also get some puppy pads for his side of the bed until an infection has been ruled out. Sorry if it sounds OTT but DH is prone to sporadic nightime pee urges due to diabetes/urine infections and I'm paranoid about not waking up in a damp bed!

That was the first thing that went through my mind. I'd never manage to shove a super-king of any tog into my machine.

Jesus, how big is your washing machine to take all that in one wash? I'm guessing you live in the USA, probably Texas, where everything is bigger.

I think that the only thing that I won’t be able to get dry by tonight is the protector, and it’s the only one I have that fits our bed so I will probably suggest he sleeps in the spare room which does have one until ours dries.

I've never washed a duvet for a wet bed.

Personally, I wouldn't have contemplated washing them. I'd have put them outside to let him deal with when he got home. Why are you washing them if you don't want to?

I don’t have a spare duvet of that size, so needed it sorted by tonight

I’d be so embarrassed I’d strip it and wash it myself. Put fresh sheets on and still take the children out.

Surely it makes sense for the person staying at home to put some washes on rather than the person who is taking the kids out for the day?
If you want him to do the washing then the kids would be stuck at home while your trying to work.
It's just a household chore, theres probably an underlying problem why its happened and that's what you need to be concentrating on.

It's like if a woman got period blood on the bed she shouldn't be made to clean it because she did it, your a family, deal with these life things together.

Tricky - I'd probably have done it to save him the embarrassment and just because I felt bad for him. But I do know what you mean. And, if the roles were reversed and I'd wet the bed I would 1000% have put the washing on myself.

I do do all the sodding washing in my household though regardless of the circumstances, and that isn't ideal so I clearly haven't got these negotiations licked.

Absolutely this! He should have changed his own piss-soaked sheets. That's the very minimum of respect for you. Who cares if he's embarrassed? He's a grown man. Monday, he calls the GP.

Do you actually LIKE your DH?! It’s not coming across at all that you are particularly fond of him or he is your team - I wouldn’t question for a second doing this for DP, I’d just be worried out him and trying my best to make sure he didn’t feel humiliated. Because he would do exactly the same for me!

Annoying as it is that you have had to deal with washing I wouldn’t be too annoyed as you have already said he was embarrassed, and knows he needs to see a doctor. He may have not even thought about the washing side of things and was preoccupied with worry.
He has taken the kids out which I am guessing was planned already. He may come back tonight and apologise after seeing all the washing you have done.
I would let this one go if it was me but secretly rage inside. I would sit down tonight and have a good chat once kids are in bed.

I agree with this in principle - a woman shouldn't be made to clean up period blood on sheets but I bet that in 99% of cases that is what happens.

Oooops, yeah - you got me!
absolutely can’t stand him. 🙄

I think leaving your wife to clean up the pee is embarrassing when you’re an able bodied healthy man. More embarrassing than peeing the bed.

Yanbu. If he'd randomly vomited on the bed, or pissed all over the toilet floor because of some weird body thing goin on and felt fine to crack on I bet some pp's would change their tune 🙄

There's no woman here that in ops husband's shoes would have left him to deal with her urine soaked sheets and fucked off out.

Tend to agree. He's having a nice day at the beach and you're doing multiple loads of washing because he wet the bed? That doesn't seem fair. He should have offered to sort the mess he caused. I don't think embarrassment is an excuse really.

I'm assuming that was his way of dealing with his embarrassment - getting away from it all and getting out with the kids.
Yes, he should have dealt with the wet bed himself, but he was likely feeling mortified and probably not thinking straight/ worrying about why this might have occurred.

If it was my partner I would try and deal with it in the same way I would if it was one of the kids that had wet the bed - reassure them, change the bed without making a big deal. If they didn't want to talk about it I would respect that.
Obviously as he's an adult it could be a medical issue that needs addressing, but regards the actual wet bed I'd just play it down.

If I was certain he was stone cold sober and not under the influence of anything, I'd not have been annoyed, no. When not caused by preventable behaviour, this is an awful thing to happen, worrying too, and I'd be wanting to make it as easy on him as I could. Just as I would with any other possible sudden onset illness. Certainly I'd not want to disrupt the DCs plans and have them standing around wondering why dad's suddenly washing the duvet instead of taking them on their outing.

Finding some of the other replies a bit weird, yes he probably is mortified but leaving someone else to sort it out is thoughtless, not "emotionally dealing with it". Many of us have accidentally bled on bed sheets, which can also be embarrassing, but there'd be no question that we'd be the ones washing our own bodily fluids off unless there was an out-loud conversation in which the other partner actually offered to do it

Had to smile at “ pissed off” OP!