Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has wet the bed…

1000 replies

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:31

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

OP posts:
SantaToSSD · 30/05/2025 15:18

How hard is it to load and unload single large items into a washing machine? I would be much more worried about whether my dh had some medical condition than the fact that I had to put the washing machine on 4 times during the day.
If he was as embarrassed as you said, I can imagine he might want the children out of the house for the day to save them asking why you were having to clean every item from your bed.

MissMoneyFairy · 30/05/2025 15:18

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 15:06

I think that the only thing that I won’t be able to get dry by tonight is the protector, and it’s the only one I have that fits our bed so I will probably suggest he sleeps in the spare room which does have one until ours dries.

Show quote history

Tell him to get some inco pants and bed pads while he's out, if it happens again you'll just have another wet bed to wash.

Loopytiles · 30/05/2025 15:19

He should have dealt with his mess and entertained the DC at home while he did so, not assumed you should/would do it all. Especially without even asking.

purplecorkheart · 30/05/2025 15:20

Loopytiles · 30/05/2025 15:19

He should have dealt with his mess and entertained the DC at home while he did so, not assumed you should/would do it all. Especially without even asking.

This. You should not have had to deal with it.

Coconutter24 · 30/05/2025 15:20

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:50

Yes, and put in the first load of soiled laundry.
and then repeat until it’s finished - I’m currently on the 4th load.

Show quote history

Did he realise how many loads it would take or did he see you’d put a load in whilst he was in the shower and assumed that was it?
I honestly wouldn’t waste my time getting annoyed by it, he could of asked are you ok to put it in the wash while I shower but tbh if it’s a choice between he goes out with the kids for the day and I chuck some washing in whilst working from home or everyone stays home and he does the washing I’d much prefer the first option.

Ilikeadrink14 · 30/05/2025 15:20

What happened to the mattress? Surely that would have got soaked too!

Deja vu! I have definitely seen this before, a few months ago, word for word, if I remember correctly.

TesChique · 30/05/2025 15:21

Are you washing these by hand through beating them on a rock and then mangling them?

Because if so then YABU with your reaction.

This happened to a friend of mine and it was diabetes.

But yes you're quite right to be angry that no ones asked if you're ok.

Wells37 · 30/05/2025 15:21

Suddenly wetting the bed as an adult is a cause for concern. I think I would be more worried about that than a few wet sheets.
I expect he is probably quite worried and embarrassed if this is suddenly out of the blue and he hasn’t got any underlying medical issues.

springintoaction321 · 30/05/2025 15:22

Meh

Crack on then - you sound easily annoyed.

My DS wet the bed for YEARS. This has happened once and you're acting like it's the crime of the century...

Merryoldgoat · 30/05/2025 15:22

There’s a funny tone to these posts and I understand why PP asked if you like him.

Stuff like this happens and in a healthy equal relationship we just crack so I’m guessing that the bigger issue is he doesn’t pull his weight in which case you need to address that.

whitewineandsun · 30/05/2025 15:22

The bar for men on this site is so low. He's off having an enjoyable day with the children, leaving his wife to wash his piss-stained sheets, and that's fine because he's embarrassed. Maybe he should grow a pair.

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 15:22

Ilikeadrink14 · 30/05/2025 15:20

What happened to the mattress? Surely that would have got soaked too!

Deja vu! I have definitely seen this before, a few months ago, word for word, if I remember correctly.

Mattress protector.

can you point me in the direction of the previous post? Would be interested to see the replies there too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 15:23

springintoaction321 · 30/05/2025 15:22

Meh

Crack on then - you sound easily annoyed.

My DS wet the bed for YEARS. This has happened once and you're acting like it's the crime of the century...

You do understand the difference between a son and a partner, yes?

OP posts:
Goatinthegarden · 30/05/2025 15:23

I dunno, if DH and I stripped a bed and then he was off for a shower, I’d automatically put a load in the machine without thinking. He’d do the same for me if it was the other way around. The machine will take a while, he could be out with the kids before it needs emptying. Taking a duvet out the machine, wandering out to the line, hanging it up, sticking the next load on and then pottering back to work (x4) seems pretty low energy. If he’d gone for a solo bike ride instead of taking the kids out, I might be more annoyed.

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 15:23

x2boys · 30/05/2025 14:37

I would be more concerned about why he's done, this ,
Is he drinking more fluids ,than normal?
Excessive thirst can be a sign of Diabetes

Yes when my blood sugars are not well managed (rarely) excessive thirst & the need to wee during the night are certainly markers however it's NEVER caused incontinence.

@WFHbore2023 it seems a bit 'off' that he didn't discuss the additional laundry with you before just taking the kids out.

However, as a one off when he wasn't drunk, I'd be more worried about what's caused it, than about extra laundry.

Especially when he's taken the kids out do I could crack on with work and I know it's more 'work' for you, but it's not like you're having to hand wash them down at the river is it?

hooefulky you can get them all washed & dry today & make the bed up together later.

is the actual mattress's ok?

Personally I'd be hoping I was just in a ridiculously deep sleep & hoping it was a one off before trying to get an appointment with my GP. But if it happened again I'd make an appointment.

I'd see what he says when the kids are in bed tonight.

LardoBurrows · 30/05/2025 15:24

whitewineandsun · 30/05/2025 15:22

The bar for men on this site is so low. He's off having an enjoyable day with the children, leaving his wife to wash his piss-stained sheets, and that's fine because he's embarrassed. Maybe he should grow a pair.

Totally agree. It's depressing how fucking low the bar is.

VickiFromAmsterdam · 30/05/2025 15:25

You could’ve just asked him where he was going when there was laundry to be done. But then we wouldn’t be here on MN with the nosy ones fishing for what else is going on in your marriage 🙄

springintoaction321 · 30/05/2025 15:25

@WFHbore2023 yes thanks. I fully understand

Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 15:26

springintoaction321 · 30/05/2025 15:25

@WFHbore2023 yes thanks. I fully understand

So my reacting to cleaning up after my child would be quite different, as my children are not able bodied adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 15:27

TesChique · 30/05/2025 15:21

Are you washing these by hand through beating them on a rock and then mangling them?

Because if so then YABU with your reaction.

This happened to a friend of mine and it was diabetes.

But yes you're quite right to be angry that no ones asked if you're ok.

Edited

Can you quote me on that? Where have I said anything about anyone asking me if I’m ok?

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 30/05/2025 15:29

So de pressing how many women on here shaming you for not just quietly doing foirbmassive loads of laundry while also working because a poor male may be embarassed

i can GUARANTEE if you were asking if you were being unreasonable to expect your husband to do this if roles were reversed they would be on her banging on about he is AT WORK and they wouldn’t dream of not doing their own laundry and how easy and quick it would be. Bottom line - they think cleaning pissy sheets is the job of the one with the vagina regardless

its shit that he’s just assumed you’ll do it like your his mum.

cranberryshortcake · 30/05/2025 15:30

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:42

Huh?

he woke up up with morning telling me we need to change the bed - it was very much mentioned.

Show quote history

And that’s where the conversation ended???

That’s not “oh why do we need to change it honey”
”because I weed myself”
”oh that seems quite worrying in an adult, shall we call the GP?”

How on Earth do you manage to have something as unusual as an adult wetting the bed happen and not at least say “that’s unusual” when he says he’s going to take the kids to the beach.

A better alternative would have been
”It’s not raining so I’ll take the kids to the beach”
”But honey you just wet the bed, what do we do about this? And you’ll need to change the sheets first before you take the kids anywhere”

DontTouchRoach · 30/05/2025 15:31

You both stripped the bed and then he took the kids out while you put a wash on. Seems like a normal and fair division of labour? You both have stuff to do today, your stuff to do is at home and his stuff to do is out the home, so it seems logical that you're the one who puts the sheets in the washing machine. He can put clean sheets on the bed when he gets home if you don't want to do it.

It's not like he wet the bed on purpose. He couldn't help it. I'd be more worried about him than annoyed about having to wash some sheets.

2024onwardsandup · 30/05/2025 15:31

cranberryshortcake · 30/05/2025 15:30

And that’s where the conversation ended???

That’s not “oh why do we need to change it honey”
”because I weed myself”
”oh that seems quite worrying in an adult, shall we call the GP?”

How on Earth do you manage to have something as unusual as an adult wetting the bed happen and not at least say “that’s unusual” when he says he’s going to take the kids to the beach.

A better alternative would have been
”It’s not raining so I’ll take the kids to the beach”
”But honey you just wet the bed, what do we do about this? And you’ll need to change the sheets first before you take the kids anywhere”

Show quote history

So it’s still her fault because she didn’t raise the issue of the sheets he wet? This is the very definition of the mental load

ButterButterBattle · 30/05/2025 15:32

Has he assumed she would do it? Or has she just decided to do it? He's gone out. What if she just left the dirty bedding for him? That's what I would do. I'd wash the duvet and get it drying and remake the bed if possible, and leave the rest of the wash for my husband. Maybe he is assuming that is what she has done?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread