Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

i’m just sat here now, after spending my lunch break trying to find space to dry everything feeling a bit miffed that this has fallen to me without so much as a second being taken to ask if I’m alright to.

I think men think and feel differently to women in this sort of situation and I would definitely be letting this morning's one go. My husband would do it for me and I would do it for him. It is a worry and my main worry would be getting him sorted.

I agree with this.

The kids could have waited while he sorted some washing I would have thought.

No, it’s not where the conversation ended, but I didn’t think a full transcript was necessary.

he mentioned taking the kids out when he got out of the shower, in front of the kids. Couldn’t exactly tell him to clean his pissy sheets first.
also, as I’m sat working and trying to keep an eye of when loads are finishing etc I’m getting a bit more and more put out.

No, it’s not where the conversation ended, but I didn’t think a full transcript was necessary.

he mentioned taking the kids out when he got out of the shower, in front of the kids. Couldn’t exactly tell him to clean his pissy sheets first.
also, as I’m sat working and trying to keep an eye of when loads are finishing etc I’m getting a bit more and more put out.

Asking if I’m alright TO…..as in, asking if I’m alright to do the clean up.

And not take the kids out. As planned, on the last day of the holidays. What a waste of the day, when you were stuck at home working anyway. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Couldn’t exactly tell him to clean his pissy sheets first.

Yes, you could.

But sure, its everyone else's fault you can't use your words.

Shame to waste that skill in telepathy I suppose.

Also, you're waiting to hear a bloody machine jingle, not trying to spin 70 plates at once.

I think the bar for tolerance, understanding, sympathy for, and a desire to help one's partner in a time of crisis is also depressingly low on Mumsnet.

Agree

It wasn't planned, he conveniently mentioned it infront of them, probably to get out of cleaning his own urine soaked sheets because the house fairy can do that apparently.

But she's having to load a washing machine and wait for it to finish!

Op - have you never, ever, ever until this day done a load of washing whilst WFH, ever?

were you there?

As with ever post, we can only go by what op says and she said he mentioned taking the kids out infront of them after his shower.

As a by-the-by do you live in London (or another large city)? Theres no way you'd get laundry picked up & returned same day around here 🤣

& no way getting all of that done would only cost £20.

absolute minimum of £60 at the service laundrette. & you'd have to drop & collect.

No, I time my loads so I can hang one before I start, and to finish in time for me to hang whilst waiting for the kettle to boil when I start lunch.

Hes still an adult not to mention a parent and so should be able to manage his emotions. OP already made life as easy as possible by not having immediately challenging him/making him feel awakward and just quietly getting up and stripping the bed as asked. Thereafter as he caused it, he should be decent enough to do the bulk of the cleaning. It’s not like he was ill or anything. I’m sure if it actually happened to you and OH left it to you to clear up, you’d not be so forgiving. I guess it’s all ‘woman’s work’ - even in the man peed the bed. Nope not in my house. I wouldn’t expect my OH to clean up after me in such a way and vice versa.

erm….the crisis where he’s gone for a day out with the kids? Doesn’t sound like he’s in crisis mode!

Obviously I’m expecting too much.

personally I wouldn’t leave someone with this kind of mess unless I’d asked if that was ok first.

and yet throughout your working day you've time to keep up with your mumsnet correspondence very efficiently!

25 posts!

I can see how you're angry this is getting in the way of that

If the children are old enough to entertain themselves, you're working and presumably he isn't, then I would have put the duvet cover/fitted sheet/pillowcases/mattress protector into the wash. However, I'd have expected him to take the duvet and mattress topper to the nearest launderette, to be washed and dried. Disappearing off to take the children out and leaving you to deal with the rest isn't very fair. I understand he's mortified, but that's not really an excuse to leave all the bedding to you, when you're supposed to be working.

As in men assume it’s not their responsibility to clean sheets? QUITE.

A time of crisis?! He pissed the bed and left her to deal with it. My sympathy would show if, after he has been to the GP, there is evidence of a medical problem. Otherwise, he's just leaving her to deal with his wet sheets. That's not a crisis. That's lazy, at best.

Off topic but what the hec washing machine do you have that can fit that lot in- i need it

mandatory teams meeting which in no way relates to anything me or my department does.

can’t crack on with any actual work whilst I’m attending as I wouldn’t be able to fully concentrate on what I’m doing.

posting on here isn’t particularly taxing though, so I am able to.