Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Ha sorry I read it as he just said that and then there was no further mention of what had happened and he then went out, which would be weird!

I wouldn’t be that bothered about the laundry if he was out with the kids as we always split that kind of stuff anyway. My husband is generally the one who deals with bodily fluids in places they shouldn’t be though. Assuming he’s generally a good supportive partner, this wouldn’t bother me, I’d just be worried about why it happened in the first place.

I don't see the big deal, it's not like you are washing them by hand. I mean it's not good that he wet the bed and could do it himself but if he already had plans with the kids did you really expect him to cancel them so he can sit at home and do the many loads of washing when you are already at home. My husband works from home and does most laundry during the day so I don't see the difference.

If things are normally okay then you just need to have a quick conversation pointing this out and discussing the fact you felt like he left you to deal with everything. Tbh I suspect he was mortified and wasn’t thinking about things.
is he feeling okay? Especially stressed or tired at all.

I would feel like I should probably clean my soiled laundry.

jesus - it’s not the bed wetting I’m bothered about.
it’s the playing mum to a grown man who should at least check that someone else is happy to handle the cleaning side of things.

He could change the sheets and put them on for a wash and then crack on. If he wanted to speak to you about it he will.

Didn't this happen to the da in the TV show medium. Turned out he had developed diabetes....

YABU. My DH has a stoma, if it leaks in the night, or leaks onto his clothes I do the cleanup for him. Even though it's something he's had since childhood it's still incredibly embarrassing for him and I choose to give him the time and space to work through his emotions, and take that task off him. It's not a fun task, but I can't imagine the embarrassment of soiling yourself as an adult is fun either.

If someone who has had soiling accidents since childhood feels those heightened emotions, I'm sure your husband feels the shame and embarrassment even more strongly. Not to mention the worry of WHY if happened. He probably just wanted to remove himself from the situation.

If you have a fair split of household chores and you usually do the laundry, I can see why he just thought you would do it.
If laundry is not normally your job, then it is odd that he has just ignored it!

It’s a couple of loads of washing … in a machine .. it’s not like you are down the River, scrubbing it over a rock

Have a look here. There maybe a site near you. Husband can bundle everything up and get it washed and dried, detergent is provided. How does he plan on tomorrow not being a repeat?

https://www.thelaundryrevolution.co.uk

and yet…it didn’t occur to him to do it himself.

Was the day out pre planned? As in would he have had to tell the kids that they couldn’t go as he’d pissed the bed and had to do laundry instead?

He should have offered to do it/taken the stuff to the laundrette but in the circumstances I’d have rather the kids have not missed a day out and done the washing myself, no matter who caused the dirty bedding if I’m honest. But yes, he should have asked you if it was ok if you took care of it.

Had he promised to take the kids out? Was it a prearranged plan?

YANBU, OP, but if you felt that way, you shouldn't have done it for him. Just stuff everything into a blue IKEA bag or a few binbags and tell him to take it to the laundromat. (Or tell him to call a service which will collect it, wash it, dry it and return it the same day for £20.) He shouldn't need you to tell him what to do, of course, but it appears he does.

Why does he need to check if you’re alright?

Clearly your annoyed why not tell him how you feel rather than bitching about him on mumsnet ?

Day out with the kids is just popping to a local beach (same one we go to most weekends).
he just finds it easier to be out and about with them doing something he enjoys than being home.
kids weren’t aware as it was a ‘well, it’s not raining so I’ll take them here’ decision.

Can you get some urine test kits from amazon or Boots to check if he has a urine infection?

I agree with you Op. I couldn't imagine ever leaving someone else to wash my piss soaked bedding. He should have made that his priority, not fucking off for the day for a jolly with the kids.

Completely off topic, but I am impressed that you have a washing machine large enough to take a super king duvet.

If I’m alright to…..as in alright to do it, not alright too.

Anyway, it sounds like you resent your husband having quite an embarrassing accident.

Just leave all the bedding on the side for him to put back on. Fair split imo

Multiple wash loads? I have 6 pillows, super king duvet and fitted sheet and it takes one wash?

Because he’s out with the kids, so I can’t very well call him about it, and I can’t talk to my friends as that would be a breech of his trust.

Well why are you doing it then? Either do it and get on with it or tell him
he needs to do it. I wouldn’t do it either if someone else did it for me.

How big is your machine?

my duvet only fits in as it’s summer tog. I can’t put anything else in with it