Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

You are quite obviously not busy with your job or you wouldn't be starting threads online and frequently updating them.
I can remember once having a very heavy period during the night and while I was in the bathroom cleaning up my DH had stripped the bed and put them in the machine. No drama, making anyone feel bad. That is what people do for each other. How hard is it to put something in the washing machine ffs, and why does it take 4 loads to sort out one bed.
If you didn't want to do it then how about using your voice and saying "DH I'd rather you didn't take the kids out, can you please stay here and sort out the laundry so that we have bed clothes for tonight as I am too busy mumsnetting to sort it out "

Oh you washed the ACTUAL duvet?
Just leave it to air

And the mattress protector should have protected the mattress topper too

Leaving much less to actually wash

Unless there is other issues in this relationship that is making you incredibly resentful about bit of inconvenience, let it go and have a kind chat with him later due to his embarrassment.

My partner has loaded my shit covered nightwear and sheets into the laundry when new medication had an unexpected side effect. He was up for work that morning and a long 12hr shift ahead of him, but he loaded it, grabbed fresh sheets whilst I showered and I helped him remake the bed.

I hung up and dealt with the remaining laundry when it finished later that day, between shitting my soul out.

Hahaha ok.

Whatever you say.

This definitely has to do with your work day being interrupted

I wouldn't have any reaction other than to be very concerned about his health, and sorry that he felt embarrassed. I certainly wouldn't be pissed off. It's just pee on the bedding ffs, not radioactive waste (or faeces). Doesn't bother me any more than any other type of washing, why would it?

I suspect they're just talking about the duvet cover & pillow cases not the actual duvet & pillows!! ( my machine would still be over full though!🫩)

The point is that ops husband has wet the bed.
He is, according to op, perfectly capable of putting on a wash but has instead decided that his responsibility for his accident ends at stripping the bed, and op can deal with the pissy sheets instead.

The only people in this house that need help washing sheets after getting the bed wet are children, this wasn't ops job and I seriously doubt anyone here would leave pissy sheets for their OH to deal with, infact I suspect that most of us here would have put the wash on first before having a shower.

Why do you think it's ok for men to not clean up after themselves? Why is it ok for op to have to deal with a grown man's bed wetting incident?

I should imagine your husband is very embarrassed
stop making it about you!!!

Stuck on a mandatory teams meeting - explained above.

4 loads as I have the duvet, the protector (which is washed on a higher setting, the mattress trooper, the bed linen and after that it’ll be the light throw that we were using also.

Hopefully when he gets in the first thing he'll think of is to make the bed and won't have expected the laundry fairy to have done that as well.

If he’s was sat in the house and just left it for you then I agree i would be pissed off but he’s taken the kids out

so you would of preferred for the kids to miss out on a day out so they could all sit in and wait for the washer to finish

A mandatory meeting that is important enough that you fear you'll not be able to unlaod a washing machine

but not important enough that you can spend all afternoon on here publically shaming your husband to strangers.

You're really, really not a nice person.

If you can't dry it in a day how do you usually cope with washing it & getting it back on? Why don't you have a spare?

mine dries in a day (outside in a nice day. Inside if the heating us on in winter) but I also have a spare that can be exchanged immediately if necessary.

Or, there’s the option where he says to me ‘hey, sorry but would you mind dealing with the washing? Thought I’d take the kids out’

Why didn't you drop off washing at laundrette or better tell or ask dh to drop it off on way out with kids. for a service wash?
Meantime buy a waterproof protector for next time

OP has mumsnet activity to keep up with ffs she's a busy busy lady.

Well I'm sure you've loads of time then to sort the washing machine out during your 4 hours of meetings that you are clearly not contributing to.

I don’t wash the protector regularly - it’s covered by the mattress topper and the sheet.

should I be?

The speed with which you're replyng to posts tells me you could've took the bloody kids out for all the use you're being at work

I've only read your posts, OP, and the ones you've quoted. Seems like you're getting a lot of unfair criticism but maybe the posts I haven't read are kinder. Fwiw, I'd feel exactly the same as you, really annoyed that it's been assumed I'll do all the cleaning up, the whole reset and make it nice routine. Like your his mummy.

You are just going round and round in circles... I thought you were working. Not updating Mumsnet every 2 minutes? Move on with it.

I'm surprised by your apparent lack of concern for your husband's health. That would be my immediate concern and priority. To me, it makes sense that given that you're working from home (so can't go anywhere), and the kids are off school, he takes the kids out for the day while you take care of the laundry (which really isn't that difficult). You're supposed to be a team and this sounds like the most efficient way of dealing with the situation.

I always find that the hardest part of washing the bedding is making the bed afterwards, particularly putting the duvet cover back on, so you could always leave that part for him to do later.

Someone else compared this to the common situation where sheets get period blood on them. I wouldn't expect that to be just my situation to deal with, just because the bodily fluids came from me. If my husband was working from home and I was off work and the kids were off school, we would probably do the same thing. I would take the kids out, and my husband - because he was stuck at home anyway - would deal with the washing.

You're getting a hard time here op. And if it was the other way round, you'd pissed the bed, taken the kids out and left dh to do the laundry you'd be getting a WORSE hammering. You can't win here🤷🏼‍♀️

It's not just the sheets that needed washing!!

it was the mattress protector (and no spare) & the duvet itself (and no spare) & the OP wants to be able to make the bed up
prooerly for tonight. But DH will have to sleep in the share room as she can't get their mattress protector dried today.

I cannot contribute to the meeting in any way. I also cannot complete my actual work as the semi listening to the meeting could cause me to make a mistake through lack of concentration.
the meeting hasn’t taken place all day.
how on earth has this turned in to an issue with how I spend my working hours? 🤣