DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Why do you think she reported it, Op?

She clearly was offended though, a comment like that was rude, unnecessary and inappropriate in an office. I don't know that I'd have reported it but I'd have wanted to tell him to fuck off and he'd go right down in my estimation.

I'd be completely taken aback if someone said that to me anywhere, let alone at work.

Do you actually think that's acceptable in the workplace?

Good on her for reporting.

Eww. Good for her.

What a disgusting, sleazy thing to say. Of course he deserves to be reported.

Your husband has basically just announced to her that the first thing the thought of when he saw her was sex. I can’t see how that wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable.

If that’s something he’ll say in a work environment without concern, I suspect there’s constant small comments like that from her colleagues - this is just the one that is clearly directed at her so she can report it.

I wouldn’t have reported but I think it is offensive. What is happening to your husband?

Let me guess, op, just banter was it? The sort of banter than seems acceptable for men to dole out?

Would you have liked that? If you had a daughter, do you think it she’d liked that?

I would bet good money that's not the first inappropriate thing he has said to her, and probably others as well.

Well done her!

I wouldn’t necessarily have reported it (mostly as I’m terrified of confrontation) but I’d definitely be looking at him in a new light - so inappropriate!!! I’d think he was really sleazy and be avoiding him as much as possible. I’d probably also tell my closest friends at work. And I’m sure word would get around

She wouldn’t have reported it if she wasn’t offended/upset by it, would she? So maybe he needs to reflect on the fact that he said something offensive/upsetting, rather than just focussing on the fact she reported him.
Regardless of friendliness between colleagues, that would never be an acceptable thing to say to someone in the workplace.

Oh he’s wrong on so many levels there. Is this his normal idea of jokey banter? What was the outcome of the report?

It’s not an inoffensive remark- doesn’t matter if they get on or not.
He deserved to be reported.

Are you not furious with him
@CircleBaker

Good grief. On what possible grounds would you or your DH expect him not to be reported for saying that at work?

Whatever might be coming his way in terms of consequences, he asked for it.

I’ve asked a friend about this - he’s an HR director. He said that this complaint would be dealt with formally and the person making such comments be sent on training.
Your DH needs to accept that his comment is not acceptable, apologise and ensure that he never makes such a sleazy comment again.

I did ask my DH - he just said she appeared highly strung that day and he wouldn’t have made the comment in hindsight.

Im trying to imagine saying that to a colleague. Just no.

horrible comment to make in work. He would be sacked for that where I work

Blimey - he’s adding insult to injury there!

Highly strung? It gets worse.

It’s a very high risk thing to say and, unless they have a VERY good long term relationship which includes this type of banter, it is highly inappropriate.

That is so wildly inappropriate. Jesus