DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

What on earth possessed him to say that? It's highly offensive and while I wouldn't have reported him, I'd have immediately made it clear it was utterly inappropriate.

I would assume it's not the first time he has made inappropriate comments towards his colleague. Even if it was, I don't blame her for reporting it.

Seems OTT to me.

I’m no stranger to a bit of robust banter (regardless of genders) so I am probably not the type of person who will get too up in arms over a clumsy comment.

You two sound well suited

I think I would be a bit pissed off if someone said that to me, regardless of whether I'd worked with them a while and got on OK with them.

It was a completely inappropriate thing for him to say. I thought things had got better for women in the workplace in the last 20 years ,but if he doesn't appreciate that he was wrong , apparently not.

In my 20s I might have laughed, but these days I'm just so fucking sick of it.

Robust banter

rightho

He is getting exactly what he deserves...

He made a completely inappropriate comment in the workplace.

To make it even worse he is not taking any responsibility for it and instead has chosen to blame it on his colleague for being 'high-strung'.

Also describing this as 'robust banter' or 'clumsy' is minimising it.

Women at work should not have to put up with sexual innuendo from men.

You both are out of line frankly.

He's lucky he didn't get a slap across the face, never mind on the wrist.

How can she have looked 'particularly happy' and 'highly strung'?

That is a completely disgusting thing to say

Your DH is an idiot, taking his place among the ranks of men who just haven't grasped ,after all these decades of women in workplaces, that they should avoid any comments of a sexual nature at work if they don't want to find themselves in trouble.

Your DH's colleague was right to report him. He sexually harassed her (words of a sexual nature that are unwanted).

A comment far worse than this was made to me in my 30s. I had no intention of reporting it as I had dealt with it at the time and see myself as broadminded and feisty. A friend who worked in Scandinavia changed my mind. Since then I am militant about this, all the more so since becoming the mother of a DD.

Words to the effect of you appear to have orgasmed last night is not a clumsy comment.

That’s appalling and the fact you don’t recognise it is why people like your husband have got away with making women feel uncomfortable in their place of work for years.

Sorry to say that this is likely the straw that broke the camel’s back, OP.

if this was a genuinely out of the blue, out of character remark from an otherwise valued and trusted colleague, she would have probably chalked it up to a slip up.

as she hasn’t, and as your DH thinks he was just unwise in his timing because she was ‘highly strung’ 😡, it’s likely he’s inappropriate to her and others regularly.

She isn’t ’highly strung’. She’s just a woman who doesn’t want her male colleague implying she’s only happy because someone fucked her.

It is insane to me that you can’t see why a woman would report that. You also only have your DH’s word that they have a good working relationship. I strongly doubt this is actually the first time he’s overstepped the mark. He’s gross.

Robust banter

🤑

It's possibly the tip of the iceberg OP

Know your audience . .

I’m also an HR Director (not a male one, so perhaps that does cloud my view about what zero tolerance really means).

Since October there is legislation that dictates employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment- not just respond to allegations. If the employer is serious about a zero tolerance approach to sexual harassment in the workplace this could be far more serious than training.

OP, I’d suggest your DH take proper advice on how he should respond to this.

eww he sounds like the kind of creepy guy everyone tries to avoid in the office

She doesn't like him and they do not get along. I wouldn't report someone I liked as a colleague and put their job in jeopardy over that comment. Its gross and he absolutely shouldn't have said it but he needs to wise up and be a lot lot more careful in future or he will find himself out of a job.

He should be facing disciplinary for sexual harrassment. Depending on his company that could have serious consequences. My boss would have him fired as we have a zero tolerance
policy. Your DH is an idiot. Good on her for reporting his unwanted sexual comments.

It's not difficult. Don't make sexual comments at work. Just don't.

It doesn't matter how well you get on with the person. It is never acceptable.

It's really easy to not make sexual comments. Just keep your mouth shut when you think of them

Hopefully your husband will learn this and the woman doesn't feel uncomfortable at work in future