Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

I take it you will also not be friends with the cheating husband who shagged the woman and cut him out your life too?

Shoot the messenger.

If you cut her off she’ll know why. Other people will want to know why. The secret may well come out and could be due to your actions. I personally wouldn’t want to cause more upset to the friend who was wronged so would do my best to carry on as usual.

Exactly what I came here to say!

How do you know it’s true?

The friend who was cheated on is being a doormat! I do feel for her but the husband is a cheating arsehole!

Yes, this.
By all means take a few paces back from her if you can. How often do you see her and speak to her?
If this is all really new, you cutting her off immediately is not going to help anyone. Just wait and see, it may all come out anyway. Maybe she will even tell you herself what she did and you can cut her off then

We're not that close. I want to be there for the wife though... but she doesn't know I know! Messy.

Also why is this a big secret? Why are you also assuming the woman who shagged the husband hasn’t already told people? If I knew people were going to cut me out and not the husband I would make sure EVERYONE knew what he did.

I think you're looking for a bit of drama.

Why do you need to cut her off? Just see less of her.i imagine she won't be too keen to see you either.

Also who told you "in confidence"? I guarantee the the whole group knows

But surely you would still choose not to speak to him, it’s very hypocritical to not do that and only cut out the woman.

If neither of the women involved have told you themselves how do you know it's true?

And if it's someone else's that has told you then it's not a massive secret

Yes. All very secretive isn’t it. Just tell her you know FGS.

Is your DP friends with the woman too? I don't see how you could get around that if DP is still having a friendship with her and dosent know what she's done. I think maybe just don't message again, when it's been a while of not hearing from each other, quietly delete her from your social media - there doesn't have to be an announcement or anything. Unless you see her every day at school or a club or group or something?

If you didn’t hear this from any of the people directly involved (your friend, her cheating husband, the other woman) then clearly the news is circulating rapidly around your friendship group, and I don’t see any reason why you can’t tell your partner.

No it's not hypocritical. If she's a friend, and one you no longer want based on her behaviour, it's the only answer.

If the woman who was cheated on is the friend who you still like (and might need extra support if she chooses to confide, or wants to leave her marriage at some point) is keeping the cheating husband for now, she doesn't deserve be ditched because of him being around.

If just a male friend who you know separately from his wife, then fine to hold him to the same standards, but it doesn't sound like the case.

Will the wife want to be friends when she finds out you were being supportive because you knew? She might feel humiliated.

She knows exactly what she done, it was an awful thing to do and if she plays dumb and does need you to explain why you've distanced yourself from her she really doesn't deserve the explanation as clearly to her it would seem like a normal act to do with a friends husband.

If your DP isn't friends with or you don't regularly go out out as a group he doesn't need to know, if he asks just tell him you can't be bothered with her problems anymore.

I'd cut her off. If people ask "why aren't you friends with Susan anymore" you can just tell them to ask her themselves or say it's not something you want to discuss.

The penny will drop when she's been blocked and ghosted by all.

I'd cut them off, when anyone asks my answer would be "its not my place to say but I'm not longer interacting with that person".

It's not my place to divulge.

Its not my info to share

Im not at liberty to share.

Stop asking.

You don't have to divulge, just have that in repeat. Anyone that starts asking, just repeat.

I'd probably not include my DH in that though, unless there was a particular reason I thought he wouldn't keep the confidence.

Personally I wouldn't keep this kind of thing from DH. Neither of us would pass on anyhting like this outside of our marriage, but it wouldn't be secret between us, especially if it was something causing one of us worry .

I agree. I honestly don't know why I am more bothered by her than him. Maybe because she has form... and she portrays herself as a good female friend...

If you can trust your husband then I would tell him why. I’m sure the cheaters will out themselves eventually as everything comes out in the end. If you want to drop the friend I would just ghost them and eventually they will probably figure out why. There seems to be a trend of cheating becoming more common

All unnecessarily dramatic. Tell her you know, and don't approve. The end.