Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

If no-one else knows about it, who told you? Must have been either the husband or the other woman, if the wife doesn't know you know.

Because of someone else’s gossip?

I have no idea what you’re going on about. Surely the husbands behaviour of cheating on his wife should count. This is a problem caused by him.

This really. I'd not want anything to do with him either, just ghost her tell your husband she's starting to irritate you or something, she will know who's .side you are on.

You are cutting the OW out because you blame her more = women are to blame for what men do. Good old misogyny. You either cut them both off or keep you beak well out and just support your friend. You sound like a grief thief.

Because the woman always gets the blame. Direct your anger to the cheating husband

I'd stay way way out of it. They're both to blame and unless you were there in the bedroom eating popcorn I'd stay way from that shit show.

You don't need to cut her off, just be unavailable for a bit.

Yeah I know. I think it's also that I'm not really friends with the husband. So kind of less bothered by his actions.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

This happened where I live except it wasn't a secret. Everyone knew and the woman was ousted by the group, she ended up moving. The cheating husband wasn't snubbed at all and faced no moral consequences - I found it fascinating it was like watching eastenders in real life.
It's funny it's always the woman who is wrong.

I don't need to cut the husband out - we're not friends..... I am friends with the two woman involved.

Sounds like you are immersed in the drama really, you are "there" for the wife just wanting to feel needed more like.

Someone in my circle was ostracised years ago because of malicious gossip. There was some truth in the rumour but she hadn’t acted inappropriately & the whole context missed as the group were largely envious. It’s a second hand rumour. Whoever told you will have told others.

I don't feel like I am getting involved in the drama. I don't intend to tell anyone... I just don't want this woman in my life now I know what she is really like.
I feel like that is cutting out drama rather than adding it!

It counts.

But I had inferred from OP's posts that she's predominantly friends with the two women (one who sleeps with friends' husbands / one who's been cheated on). If she's not close to the man at all ok his own, it's not her relationship with him she needs to consider, even if he sticks around married to the friend.

I would cut the woman off immediately, I'd just ghost her, that's not the sort of friend I want. I personally don't keep secrets from my husband and would tell him why, he's a vault though so the information would go no further.

Wow I can imagine any of my friends ghosting someone over this and we have definitely had some " interesting" pairings in the time we've known each other

I don’t understand why you can’t tell her the reason - surely she knows that she shagged him?

Not the same situation, but I was once told something about one mutual friend by another that I wasn’t supposed to know. Something very personal that had caused her a lot of pain. I ended up hurting her more by pretending I didn’t know - I honestly wish I’d just told her I knew.

You are friends with both women regardless of swinging dick.

You want to support hurt friend and cut off friend with no morals. Nice and easy.

If anybody asks you, “Just not on the same pages anymore” “ask her”

also this whole blaming women not men. Frankly I don’t care don’t want to loose friends and be shunned act with some morals. Hopefully the husband looses a few friends too but op isn’t his friend to start with. The more we shrug and go oh well the more people with low morals do stuff because it never actually affects them.

It really isn’t. Plus two people fucked around here. You appear to be disproportionately punishing one, even though she’s not the one actually being unfaithful to your friend.

And it’s rumour and gossip! Who knows what the truth & context truly is? Is it this very good ‘friend’s’ story to tell? OP isn’t sharing with DP & has strong sense of honour but accepts second hand gossip. Some gracious distance perhaps until facts emerge but it’s all a bit high school?

Maybe that's what I do.... tell her then she will do that backing out of the friendship. That's not a chat I want to have...

How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done
Why does your partner need to know your reason for cutting her off? Would he be all that interested? Surely just saying that you’ve drifted apart would be enough. Unless she’s his sister. Is she his sister? Or mum? Oh my, please say she isn’t his mum.

If he really needs a reason, just tell him it’s because she said your DP is boring and a bad driver and he will support your decision wholeheartedly.

I do trust the friend that told me.

Keep well out of the whole thing.

If the cheated on friend reaches out to you, then lend some support, if indeed she wants it.
But frankly if people are going through big disruptions in their life as she is, sometimes they just want to quietly get on with things and not do much socialising.