Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

You don’t meet her anymore. It’s not that hard. Stop responding etc. But honestly I’d wait for your friend to lead the way here, you have no idea what she wants to do yet. It’s not your circus.

Out of interest, did you see her as a good person before now? You liked her, socialised with her? Cared about her?

I think not

You say you want to be there for the wife, but has she actually asked for your support?
Why do you feel like you need to take any action whatsoever in this situation that is nothing to do with you? The wife hasn’t asked you for anything. There is no need for you to do anything with regard to the OW. If you don’t want to speak to her, just don’t proactively seek her out and keep any unavoidable interaction brief. I’m sure she will cotton on that people know and may keep a low profile anyway.
You seem to be determined to insert yourself into this situation. Put it down, it’s not your drama and no one is making it your drama other than you.

Respectfully, an awful lot of people have sex outside marriage, or with married people. You’re deciding a significant portion of society are ‘bad people’ you need to protect your family from?

With your partner

Op you sound bored and not much going on in life

Out of interest op, has your partner ever cheated On you or you have had suspicions?

I don't agree with shagging your mates husband. No.

You don’t need to “actively remove” her from your life. You just stop inviting her to things and be noncommittal/decline any invites she makes to you. She’ll soon get the message, especially if she has any kind of guilty conscious about what she’s (allegedly) done.

Anything more than this does seem like you are wanting to insert yourself into a situation which really isn’t anything to do with you.

This 👌

I would contact the friend that told you again and discuss it with her. Let her know your feelings and that you won't be able to keep this from your DH, and you also won't be able to continue the friendship with OW so will try to move relationship to acquaintance without drama.

Presumably she doesn't want to continue the friendship with OW either? Is that why she told you? I haven't registered where telling friend found this out - did betrayed friend tell her?

As for the end of the friendship I would stop initating all contact but reply briefly to her messages in a friendly tone but be busy ...normal effort with betrayed friend. I couldn't be friends with her either now - even if I tried it would leak out in my body language.

I have not cheated on my DP, my DP has not (that I am aware of) cheated on me.
Almost like it's not about me and my DP 😂

This. How hard is it to just make a series of excuses until she gets the message?

If it's at group events organised by someone else, just be distant and polite. Just like you would with wronged friend's DH, or make excuses to avoid group gatherings for a while if she's going to be there.

Head. Wall. Bang.

you accept…
upthread you’re too involved

get a hobby op. Seriously

you don’t like the woman and not close
to her. I doubt she’ll care or
perhaps even notice if she never heard from you again

Yep, this is a bit of hard line for me, too.

You just stop- easy! Then you stop with the husband too- easy

I'd suggest by not making so much drama of it. Just quietly withdraw. You must have other old friends you don't see anymore. Did you have a big announcement about that?

I would go for the slow fade, take ages to answer any messages and just be too busy to meet up. Eventually she'll take the hint.

So much bending over backwards to feel sorry for the OW. I’d want to hear her side, you must of never really liked her…

I mean if my friend suddenly said she was a burglar to feed her habit for crack I’d be cutting her off and adding to my cctv.

You’d of been better posting on relationships board where women have been victims by their husbands and OW. Much less sympathy for a women knowingly shagging a married man while supporting the wife with her choice to stay or leave while also thinking the husband is a grade A wanker.

My friends husband cheated women knew he was married and young children.

Both the other women and husband are wankers. She stuck with the husband. Still think his a wanker and a creep but I can be her friend while hating what he did. Couldn’t be actual friends with him or the OW though.

Are you cutting off the husband too?
I feel this whole situation is none of your business and I’m also not convinced this is all private, why did they tell you?

OP, here's my advice. Please note this is a tricky situation with only your word for what happened.

You can be a friend to the wife that is a victim of the situation by meeting up for girlie things. No need to see the cheating husband.

As for the so-called friend who cheated, simply drop her. No invites, nothing. If she asks, take her aside and quietly inform her that you are aware of what happened, and it doesn't mesh with your values.

As for your husband, you always disclose. Your loyalty is to him. But make it clear to him that you expect him to be discrete.

Interesting you phrased it like that and not “I don’t agree with cheating on your spouse👀👀👀

I don't like the phrase 'form for shagging anyone'. If she's single she can shag who she wants surely?
The only bad thing is shagging her friends husband which is disloyalty. Though I blame him a lot more as he made vows, so double disloyalty.
Talk to your shagging friend. Find out why she did it. Talk to your married friend, find out why she's staying in her marriage ( to this piece of shit man). Better to have all the info before you decide what to do.

Good advice but it makes me think of all the ‘why has X ghosted me’ we see on here. There are times when mud sticks due to malicious gossip & someone not in possession of all context & facts.

OP, you don't "cut off" a friend because you disapprove of their behaviour, for goodness sake.
You can certainly choose not to discuss the issue with her, but she is your friend, so she deserves your loyalty. And, for sure, you don't know 100% of the story anyway, so it's not your place to judge.
Have you never heard the phrase "hate the sin, love the sinner"?

Because I was talking about the OW not the husband. She didn't cheat on her spouse. She shagged her mates husband.