Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

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More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

People get labelled & ostracised because ‘I’m not one that gossips, I am not the gossipy type, I just wanted you to know, just so you’re AWARE’. Who gets the ref? No wonder people are wary re: ‘groups’ of women friends.

If I really wanted to cut her out, (and I don't think I would, actually, because who knows what went on exactly), I would just distance myself slowly. And in the meantime, don't confide in her anything if the trust is gone.

There's no way I'd want to be friends with the stupid bitch. What a disloyal cow she is. Your poor friend - betrayed on both sides. I understand that you don't want to add to her upset by letting her know there is low level gossip going on.

However there is always a small chance this isn't true. I'd have to say to OW "is it true... About you and him?" Her reaction will tell you all.

"Who was talking?" Guilty no question.
"What on earth are you talking about, have you lost your mind?" Maybe not.

Well if the OP isn’t 100% certain if it’s true, the person to ask is the (alleged) OW. But if she’s is certain, it’s completely fine to decide this isn’t the sort of person you want in your life. Even if they haven’t been the worst behaved person, even if the person they have “wronged” isnt you, it’s ok to decide this isn’t someone you want in your life.

Exactly this. So what is she going to do at these events when she sees him?

I'll start by saying I don't condone this behaviour at all. That's a line a friend should never ever cross.
But you said she has form for this and it didn't bother you then being friends. Or is it because its a close friend that she's done this to?

I don't know why you want to insert yourself in this especially as your friend is staying with her husband who is just as much to blame in all of this. I'd keep out of it unless youre paranoid she will try run off with your man and you don't trust her anymore. In that case I'd be brutally honest what's the point in just avoiding her she's bound to ask or suspect you know anyway.

Your poor friend though awful.. Who needs enemies with a friend like that?!

Say hi... move along. Pretty much the extent of our friendship now!
This is why my personal focus is on the OW. She is more of a friend who would come over for dinner with the kids - day trips with the kids... go for girls drinks out. And I want to stop all that.

I think you need to tell your husband. The friend who gave you this information wasn't entitled to expect you to keep secrets from your husband.

People so often blame to OW that I tend to veer the other way.

If this was a friend of mine (and I'm not sure OP really has ever been her friend) I'd be wanting to know how she got into this situation before judging her.

For example, I know two OW who were told for long periods of time that the marriage was over, they were living in seperate rooms, just waiting until DC were x old before selling the house etc etc.

Obviously very naive to believe it, but to a certain extent victims themselves.

I don’t think anyone is saying the OW doesn’t have any responsibility and is completely blameless. Who is saying that? I wouldn’t want to be friendly with a friend’s husband who has cheated on his wife. What do you expect Op to do with the husband when she sees him at events? Birthdays or meals, Christmas parties etc It’s very common to invite your husband or wife. Should she be nice to him?

So you, the wife whose husband cheated and the woman he cheated with are all friends?
I'd expect much more from a friend than that, so would completely distance myself.
I wouldn't initiate any contact going forward and would be too busy for any meet ups she suggested . She'll get the message.

The husband is not my issue - he is really not in my life. Nor my families lives.
I just think this woman is not a good friend and I don't want her around.

I have to say I completely disagree with people saying OP also has to cut off the husband of the lady who was cheated on.

I am sure OP has changed her view on him but it’s the woman who has been cheated on who has been hurt - she wants to keep it private , how can OP cut off the husband ? The wife will be the one to suffer with that and it’s not fair.

Do whatever keeps the poor woman who has been betrayed happy here .

This exactly!

We're not that close. I want to be there for the wife though... but she doesn't know I know!

Well, you’d have to give the same story to your DH as to why you will no longer want any contact with the woman, as you give to your friend as to why you can have no contact with her DH. No idea what that would be except a vague ‘they make me uncomfortable’.

what is your relationship like?

and prior to this particular issue… would I be correct in thinking that you didn’t really like her anyway?

How do you plan to "be there" for the wife if you're not supposed to know what happened?

This does very much read as you wanting to insert yourself into someone else's tragedy

My relationship with whom?
I am liking her less and less.... that is true. And I am questioning the friendship.

Don't really know. I don't want to blow up her marriage if she has chosen to work though this... I also don't want to cut her off because of something her husband has done.
I guess "being there for her" is just carrying on as normal. Being a friend.

Are you afraid she’s going to shag your husband if you keep her as a friend?
It takes 2 to tango. What is your own relationship like?

Why? Are you worried she might try and fuck your husband next?

I reject the idea that I want to insert myself into their tragedy.

I don't intent to talk to wife or husband about it at all. I don't intend telling anyone about it.

This is the whole point. I am actively removing myself from someone, the OW, who I no longer want to be friends with... without causing drama. This was literally the question! How do I stop being friends with this woman without causing and/or inserting myself in a couples tragedy!

Just be graciously slightly distant until more facts emerge.

No, it's just that I don't see her as a good person.
I try to keep bad people away from my family.

You are trying to insert yourself though. You want to completely cut off your friend, on gossip alone, without trying to find out what led to this.
The woman who was cheated on, clearly doesn't want you to know or she would have said something?