To have refused to make Sunday dinner today, actually

[notto]

My husband and I work full time, kids are 3 and 5.

it’s full on during the week. I take care of all the drop offs and pick ups and do bed time and dinner alone every night. My husband’s schedule won’t allow for any leeway during the week, he leaves before they get up and comes back when they’re sleep. It is what it is.

at weekends, it’s a mad rush for me to try to get laundry done, children’s birthday parties, kids activities, family time etc etc. my husband tends to do garden chores, fixing things and bins.

in any case, I get pretty overwhelmed at weekends because it just seems like the mess the kids make, the constant making food and clearing up, never stops. I know, it’s all normal. We all do it.

but I believe that I sometimes need a fucking break. I took the kids out at 11 am this morning to tennis and then took them to lunch and playground and park. I didn’t get back until 4:30 pm.

I told my husband I’m not making my usual elaborate Sunday dinner today and I’ll be ordering a takeaway, to which he seemed a bit annoyed.

yesterday I cooked. I don’t need to spend all fucking weekend cooking surely ? He always acts like he’s hard done by, if I’m not obsessing over what we are all going to eat. ‘ well what are we going to have for dinner ? ‘ he asks. Like how dare I not have been thinking about, all day ? Our mums are the types to just think about what they’re going to eat and have it all planned out. I don’t always.

I also don’t think it’s a big deal to get a Deliveroo tonight. I’ve done enough, I do enough. I’m also tired.

I don’t really like it when he cooks, because he fucks up the entire kitchen. So usually I just do it. He did tidy while I was out. He also tidied yesterday when I was in bed with a migraine. But still.

surely at the weekend, one meal out or one takeaway should be the norm at the very least, if not two( we can afford it ). With our schedule ! Some weekends I literally lose my mind, as it gets on top of me. So surely it’s better to try and give me a beak.

Wow he does the bins give him a gold star.. he can sort out his own clothes seen as you do yours and the children's.
It's not up to you to be sorting his shirts etc into certain piles .
Major changes need to be made here or you will become more and more resentful.

I know and he even makes a big deal out of the bins.

he does take care of all the bills and administrative things like mortgages/ car insurance. So there is a bit of balance in that, thankfully.

my mum is always very supportive and thinks I do way too much. She did it all, but didn’t work when I was little.

she was saying to MIL that she was concerned about me and that I have a lot on my plane and MIL just said that we all did it and I just need to be more organised. That pissed me off quite a bit. I’m also pissed off with my DH, who I must say, has improved in his expectations of me and even though he pouted on Sunday, I very quickly reminded him of just how much I have on my plate and that he has no reason to pout about one single thing I do or do not do.

to the poster talking about the tennis thing and why did we go out after. I took them for lunch and then they had a play date at the playground. Usually husband would have come, but seeing as it was only the mums coming, he didn’t this time. Why did we go out all day ? Because my kids were having fun.

That was me - yes I get kids having fun. You just seem stressed /tired so going home after tennis would have made more sense

but sounds like you had a catch up and natter with mum friends as well

I actually get more stressed when I’m at home with them. As they just make a mess all over the place, are constantly asking me for stuff / fight with each other / scream at each other a lot.

we have a garden, but they need quite a lot of supervision there too. Whereas at the playground.. I always go to the same small one that is safe for them. I get to have chat with other mums. My kids aren’t fighting with each other, they’re not making a mess at home. They’re not constantly asking me for something.

I also find it tough because yes, when I’m at home with them , sometimes I do want to sit down and just chill. But they always need something, are making a mess somewhere, are fighting. Whereas at the playground, I don’t expect to be sitting or chilling at all and it just feels different.

I don’t know, honestly ! I can tell my 5 year old is becoming a lot easier to manage. She’s started going downstairs on her own in the mornings now and gets her own breakfast ! It’s a revelation ! But my 3 year old is very very tough to manage at the moment.

when we got home yesterday, he was crying continuously on a loop about every little thing. He was tired, but all we did was go and see his aunt and uncle who live around the corner. I don’t know if he still needs a nap some days. But he was utterly distraught. He spends a lot of his time in that sort of state. Just very tearful, when he’s tired.

anyway that’s besides the point. Hopefully things will hey a bit easier soon.

He sounds awful. My DH and I both work and we split the cooking and food shopping and childcare.

I think the kids prefer to spend weekend time with you because they barely know him. You need to start leaving them with him more.

Ignore MIL, she doesn't get a vote.

You could try writing down every single thing that needs doing every single day and then take different coloured highlighters and highlight what do you do and what he does. It's a good visual to show the discrepancy.

Or show him this thread!

I hear you.

youre both doing too much, probably more you than him but it’s relentless to keep scores.
May I introduce you to some ready meals and / or batch cooking. Hire a cleaner and a gardener (many people do this just don’t admit to it).

Life is too much for many people, both working FT and then trying to do everything at weekends, your kids ages life is tough as weekends are all parties or people want to come over (yes Amazon but a lot to think about and achieve).

I really do wonder sometimes how everyone is doing it, working like dogs to just stand still.

well done, I think you need to hear that more often.

I think you need Stacey Solomon to pay a call to help with clothes.

Time to change the routine so a takeaway or going out for a meal and it will becomes the norm after a couple of times.

We have a different routine, DH wfh and wll cook weekday meals as I'm out at work, I will also offer to cook but he just does it as apparently I'm too messy vit always clean up.

Weekends are just take it as comes, freezer food and or takeaway, close family so all do this together.

Please start to make some boundaries, cooking every night solo must be exhausting.

Of course all dependent on the jobs you do, so a nurse compared to wfh etc. Xxx

"he does take care of all the bills and administrative things like mortgages/ car insurance. So there is a bit of balance in that, thankfully."

It takes me maybe half an hour, once every 3-5 years to "do" the mortgage.
15 minutes once a year to stick the car insurance through money supermarket or whatever.
No balance whatsoever compared to daily cooking and cleaning.

An hour a year for me to do this.
That some men would actually even use this as a discussion point is a joke.
Oh I do utilities too.
Again, not worth mentioning.

What a sefish loser he is.
Poor OP.

Your 3yo’s in ft childcare and out a lot at weekends, some children don’t have the social stamina for this/have phases where they don’t. He may benefit from a nap or more downtime.

My last was in response to this.

Also on team Stop Doing So Much, btw.

It really works well on Airbnb breaks - especially as you know which is your night when you’re responsible and then you can relax the other nights. I hate it when I’m with friends who like to cook all the time but want others to clear up. Feel like I never sit down and am constantly washing every pan in the place!