To have refused to make Sunday dinner today, actually

[notto]

My husband and I work full time, kids are 3 and 5.

it’s full on during the week. I take care of all the drop offs and pick ups and do bed time and dinner alone every night. My husband’s schedule won’t allow for any leeway during the week, he leaves before they get up and comes back when they’re sleep. It is what it is.

at weekends, it’s a mad rush for me to try to get laundry done, children’s birthday parties, kids activities, family time etc etc. my husband tends to do garden chores, fixing things and bins.

in any case, I get pretty overwhelmed at weekends because it just seems like the mess the kids make, the constant making food and clearing up, never stops. I know, it’s all normal. We all do it.

but I believe that I sometimes need a fucking break. I took the kids out at 11 am this morning to tennis and then took them to lunch and playground and park. I didn’t get back until 4:30 pm.

I told my husband I’m not making my usual elaborate Sunday dinner today and I’ll be ordering a takeaway, to which he seemed a bit annoyed.

yesterday I cooked. I don’t need to spend all fucking weekend cooking surely ? He always acts like he’s hard done by, if I’m not obsessing over what we are all going to eat. ‘ well what are we going to have for dinner ? ‘ he asks. Like how dare I not have been thinking about, all day ? Our mums are the types to just think about what they’re going to eat and have it all planned out. I don’t always.

I also don’t think it’s a big deal to get a Deliveroo tonight. I’ve done enough, I do enough. I’m also tired.

I don’t really like it when he cooks, because he fucks up the entire kitchen. So usually I just do it. He did tidy while I was out. He also tidied yesterday when I was in bed with a migraine. But still.

surely at the weekend, one meal out or one takeaway should be the norm at the very least, if not two( we can afford it ). With our schedule ! Some weekends I literally lose my mind, as it gets on top of me. So surely it’s better to try and give me a beak.

Your husband sounds painful in terms of his expectations of you. It's simply unfair that he thinks you should be cooking a dinner having given him a child-free day. I do a roast on a Sunday but make my life VERY easy in that regard. So easy that even my can't cook/won't cook husband can do it. It basically involves buying pre-prepared meat and then Tesco roast veg, duck fat potatoes,
stuffing etc. All trays and then it's all just a matter of timing which Alexa takes care of. I do boil up some broccoli 10 mins before the end but I really don't mind that. If money isn't an issue, I'd be throwing these things into the trolley once a week and telling him you hope he'll have it ready when you're all home. If you make enough and have a microwave, it'll get you off cooking on Monday too!

Ours have gone since they were babies and without wanting to sound pompous - which I will, but I still hope the advice is helpful - they have always been pretty perfect. One or two times it went a bit wrong, ( breadbasket as a hat) but on the whole taking them from the start makes them get the gist of what’s expected before they reach the bad behaviour stage.

Stop running.

Sit and relax. Say no to the party. Say no to the activity. Cook some simple food with minimal fuss. Or better just do some sandwiches. Relax and enjoy your life.

If your husband puts pressure on you to do some elaborate meal, just say “that doesn’t work for me today”. No explanation. No drama.

Yeah he needs to climb aboard the Laundry train. No reason he can’t hang a load out before work. No reason he can’t fold a basket or 3 of an evening watching tv. He doesn’t get to do all the occasional and solo (relaxing - hello garden pottering!!) jobs whilst you do the dross, day in day out. If you had the kids all day he could have managed more than a bit of tidying!! He could have made a full roast and done some batch cooking for the week!! And we have a “you cook, you clean up, I cook, I clean up” alternating rota as this stops anyone getting an easy ride whilst stitching their partner up.

YANBU. It’s just food, and if it’s that important to him he should help with the cooking.

He works longer hours in the week but you do more childcare.
Weekends should be 50/50.
Arsing around with his lawn can take a back seat.

Absolutely nothing wrong with getting a takeaway on Sunday, your dh is being weird.

He can always cook himself for the family on a Sunday, literally 60 million easy to follow recipes at the tip of his fingers!! Get him to crack on!

Why all washing at weekends? Split washing 50/50 Tumble dryers are your friend.
Husband prep meals etc

This. Dh runs his own business. Absolute earliest he is home is 5.30 but mostly much later. He has to go where the work is and can often be a distance away.

I tend to set the machine to come on say 6am , or dh will start it. So when I get up I hang it out.
If it's a day I work he does school run , I do all after school clubs, all cooking but when dh is home he always does baths and bed for kids, school books and whatever is needed. And always on weekends.

I understand completely having married a self employed man. The hours worked were crazy.

However, I never cooked a roast dinner at the weekend because we preferred to do something enjoyable, especially in the summer we had a hobby shared as a family. I occasionally cooked a roast dinner during the week.

I suggest you bin roast meals on a Sunday unless you fancy doing one say in the winter.

I have never cooked Sunday lunches as they were such a pain when I was growing up, all morning to prepare and not cleared up until 2 so spoilt the day.
I do occasionally cook a roast midweek if I am in the mood, but weekends are always easy food at 6ish so we can go out for the day.
Today we had chicken escolopes with new potatoes, peas and sweet corn. This took half an hour to prepare and was not expensive there is also hardly any washing up.

what was he doing whie you were out with the DC for nearly 6 hours? Because no, I'd not be wanting to cook after a day like that either, speciially if my DH had been sittin gon his arse doing nothing except a little light tidying!

Op said in her first post that he cooks but tends to make a mess .

Do “summer roasts” instead. Bung chicken pieces in oven (sprinkle on seasoning mix if you like) and even put in jacket spuds or boil new potatoes (I toss in olive oil then sour cream, spring onions and gherkins) and a bag of salad, takes 45 minutes total and I’m sat on the sofa most of it

Gardening is his project, what’s yours? Why does his need for a “project” that could be outsourced, override the family need for meals being cooked, laundry done, DC taken out - or are they viewed as your “project”

Weekends should be for rest and family time. I would definitely refuse to cook on a Sunday until the kids are much older and actually appreciate a good meal, and when they want less of your time, which should be the priority if you’re both working full time I think. I would definitely do take aways / meal out / M&S or equivalent fancier ready meals in both Saturday and Sunday. Or things the kids can get involved in, like home made pizza etc.

How does he not see how unfair this is?
why can he not find quick dinners to make?
youcan have a nice dinner without making tonnes of mess and spending lots of time cooking.
we had a take away yesterday and today im cooking a chicken, potato and veg traybake.
No way am I being a slave to the kitchen.

The division of labour is completely off. He can cook on the weekends. BTW I am self employed too and I could manufacture reasons to be away every week, but I don’t. I’m not necessarily saying that he’s making up reasons to be away from home, but the whole point of running your own business is to be able to be more flexible than people with normal 9-5 jobs. He needs to do a lot more when he is home. He’s not so busy and important that he can’t contribute to home life.

No way We are preparing a full on Sunday dinner every Sunday.We just go with the flow, depending how we are feeling and if we are going out. Tonight is fish and veggies. Quick, easy and hopefully healthy

Likewise, I’m a SAHM and I do meals during the week, but DH who works full time does meals on the weekend to give me a break.

You sound a saint and he’s pretty useless - I wouldn’t cook at weekends ever again.

Gardening is his project to leave house and kids to you.
Loser.

Why not suggest a change of roles for the next few weekends? So you get to potter around in the garden and fix a few DIY jobs while he corrals the kids, does the laundry, cooking and everything else you do at weekends.

Communication needs to be improved and he needs to manage his expectations. Cooking a Sunday roast need not be a big deal. I put the meat in the oven on the automatic cooking option. DH prepares the potatoes, veg and Yorkshires and I do the cheese sauce for the cauliflower and the gravy with the stock the meat was cooked in. We dip in and out of the kitchen and it’s not an onerous task. Always eaten in the evening. Re-educate him.

Bung a pizza in the oven OP @notto
job done