To have refused to make Sunday dinner today, actually

[notto]

My husband and I work full time, kids are 3 and 5.

it’s full on during the week. I take care of all the drop offs and pick ups and do bed time and dinner alone every night. My husband’s schedule won’t allow for any leeway during the week, he leaves before they get up and comes back when they’re sleep. It is what it is.

at weekends, it’s a mad rush for me to try to get laundry done, children’s birthday parties, kids activities, family time etc etc. my husband tends to do garden chores, fixing things and bins.

in any case, I get pretty overwhelmed at weekends because it just seems like the mess the kids make, the constant making food and clearing up, never stops. I know, it’s all normal. We all do it.

but I believe that I sometimes need a fucking break. I took the kids out at 11 am this morning to tennis and then took them to lunch and playground and park. I didn’t get back until 4:30 pm.

I told my husband I’m not making my usual elaborate Sunday dinner today and I’ll be ordering a takeaway, to which he seemed a bit annoyed.

yesterday I cooked. I don’t need to spend all fucking weekend cooking surely ? He always acts like he’s hard done by, if I’m not obsessing over what we are all going to eat. ‘ well what are we going to have for dinner ? ‘ he asks. Like how dare I not have been thinking about, all day ? Our mums are the types to just think about what they’re going to eat and have it all planned out. I don’t always.

I also don’t think it’s a big deal to get a Deliveroo tonight. I’ve done enough, I do enough. I’m also tired.

I don’t really like it when he cooks, because he fucks up the entire kitchen. So usually I just do it. He did tidy while I was out. He also tidied yesterday when I was in bed with a migraine. But still.

surely at the weekend, one meal out or one takeaway should be the norm at the very least, if not two( we can afford it ). With our schedule ! Some weekends I literally lose my mind, as it gets on top of me. So surely it’s better to try and give me a beak.

Wtaf. He can go fuck himself, OP.

That’s why you use the timer on the oven. It’s not onerous. Plus, I’ve every other day of the week to go out. No mass produced roast at a restaurant can compare with something made at home.

https://www.cookfood.net/?srsltid=AfmBOor5ANAj1afYVpQ_o8VyvvffOZzbjYeWtomDKHjpeRbzyfVtGKPK

Then surely you understand he might not be choosing to work those hours but has to work them

I have been getting quite a few more migraines in the last few months. They’re also pretty bad ones.

it could be something to consider. The other day I did have one of those days, but it triggered a migraine. Sometimes being in bed, gives me a migraine. Or perhaps it was the pre-dome or whatever they call it. I woke up one day and I was just so tired.. I got my kids up and to school and then just called in sick as I just didn’t feel good at all. After about an hour of lying down, I got a horrendous migraine.

that was a few weeks ago. Then this week I started with headache on Friday and I’m still not 100 percent now. But was bad yesterday.

I’ve really just been trying to pull though in life recently without allowing myself to complain or be too down about it. I just want to get on with it. But maybe the margarines increasing are a sign I’m tired. I’m also sleeping very early at night and sleeping quite a bit. As in form 9 ish until 6am. Maybe 9 hours is too long.

That’s doesn’t seem to be the case here though according to OP

If DH wants a roast dinner he can cook it himself!

Did you have the ingredients for a roast dinner? Or were you expected to buy those too?

If I had the meat in and had planned a roast dinner then I’d probably get DH to do most of the prep while I was out with the kids. Otherwise - pizza from the freezer it is

I love COOK meals. None of us like a roast but there are some gorgeous meals in this range.

TBF, although not knowing what your DH's line of self employment is, if he can't be available when companies need him there's every chance that they will go elsewhere, so I can see where you're coming from when you say it's not simple.

Not everyone that's self employed gets to choose their working time frame.

Christ honestly why on earth do you think it’s your job do the laundry and all the crap

My dad used to do a 60 hour week as a minimum when he was self employed. It did pay off and he ended up with a business that thrived. He was eventually able to do more normal hours but still long days. You can't just decide to do a few hours a week if you're self employed.

I do all the cooking in our house OP, and refuse to do roasts. Far, far too much effort. DH doesn’t complain, and is grateful for every meal! He helps in other ways, including clearing up everything from my cooking! Your DH absolutely should not be bothered that you’ve suggested Deliveroo, and tbh he is unreasonable to expect a Sunday roast every week!

And I made enough money freelancing to support my family too. It wasn’t ‘pin money’. I wasn’t taking in ironing. I was earning a huge amount of money. So I do absolutely understand the whole freelance way of working.

But you can build in flexibility into your working day/week if you’re self-employed. That’s one of the biggest benefits of being self-employed.

Sounds like you have two full time jobs while he just has the one.

I cannot imagine how stressful your life must be - I am tired just reading what you do day in day out.

He can hang out a load of washing before or after work and empty / reload a dishwasher, so put that delayed timer setting to use. He can put dry clothes away in wardrobes. He can peel a load of potatoes / carrots / mix up Yorkshire pudding batter and have all that ready for when needed if he wants a cooked dinner. He can lay a table. He can get food shopping. He can take children to kids parties at the weekends. He can have the kids out in the garden with him when he's gardening and teach them how to plant seeds.

How much time did he spend with his children this weekend?

Why did he have kids if he never sees them Mon-Fri?

Yep. Classic burnout migraine.

laying in bed didn’t GIVE you the migraine. You were going to get that one whatever you did.

I’m sure there’s some pressure to work certain hours. I do understand that, having been a freelancer myself for several years. But equally, one of the key benefits of freelancing is the flexibility it affords you.

We both have full on jobs and my husband is fairly lazy. I cook once per day at a weekend. Breakfast is Deliveroo Gail's croissants or out, Saturday lunch usually a restaurant, I cook a quick stir fry type dinner, Sunday lunch I cook something lovely and dinner is Deliveroo. I love cooking but with a 1 year old and a 3 year old, it's all I can manage. My issue is probably 25% the cooking and 75% the mess the kitchen is. Just be lazy, if he questions it say you're having a day off, he can sort all cooking and cleaning.

it sounds like the routine you and your husband have got into is quite rigid and unforgiving. If sorting a Sunday roast leaves one family member feeling overspent and exhausted, what is the point?

Your kids would be happy with cheese on toast with some cucumber or whatever. I never do a Sunday roast and my kids are absolutely fine so honestly give yourself a break and I hope your husband has it in him to give you a break too.

Why is he not parenting at weekends? What is he doing while you run round like a blue arsed fly taking the kids here there and everywhere? Then he expects you to bloody cook a full roast as well! What a joke! This needs to change.

That I completely understand and I sympathise.

If you WANT to make a roast, make a roast. Personally I am ordering pizzas 😂

I have also make a decision years ago to do NO CHORE at the weekend, laundry and cleaning are week jobs. Life is too short.

If you already have a cleaner and someone to iron, up to you how to organise your week, but I would not do things at the weekend. If you take 5 to 10mn at most every evening whizzing around the house to tidy up, and always go to bed in clean and tidy home (dusting and mopping can wait for the cleaner), it makes your life so much better. Just do it before sitting down.

I schedule my laundry to be finish by the time I wake up so I can hang it, and I do another load when I come home usually.

@notto I've just read your dc are 3 and 5 and you work full-time. I was at home until my youngest was settled in reception.

DH worked all the hours that God sent. He could not have at that stage if I'd been working full-time unless we'd had a full-time nanny and more. Looking back, he never questioned a penny I spent although admittedly I have never been the last of the big spenders!

I think tidying yourself to a Sunday roast, or other big meal on a Sunday, is an absolute fools errand when you have young children. Or at all really.

I don’t really enjoy doing roasts, so we don’t have them a lot. Honestly, I’d rather be having a day out with kids or getting some stuff done in the house than bringing the day to a standstill for elaborate cooking. Sometimes, of course, but not regularly.

My Mum used to “have to” do a Sunday roast every week - at my Dad’s “request” - and I remember Sundays being pretty miserable.

Hey OP, invite a bunch of the neighborhood 3-5 yr olds (and their Mums, of course) around some weekend. Stand them up against a wall and then have your husband try to pick yours out of a line-up.
Hilarity will surely ensue.