To put my foot down when he tries to drop our plans tonight because he's had a better offer?

[Northwinds]

Things haven't been great with our relationship for a while so we are doing a 'Relationship Reset'. We did the first session a few weeks ago, and had planned to do the second session last night. But he decided to drink last night, and he himself was strict first time saying we can't do this when one of us has been drinking. So we postponed it until tonight.

Now this afternoon he drops on me that he's going out tonight. I said to him we were doing this relationship talk tonight? I said no I would prefer you to stick to our plans and not just drop them when you get a better offer.
He said we can do it any other night, doesn't have to be tonight, we actually didn't confirm it (which is not true, not sure how we should confirm plans, should I email him and get him to confirm in writing?!) He said this party he's been invited to is only tonight and we can do our talk any time.

I said it really is hurtful when you drop our plans as soon as you get a better invite. I feel you are de-prioritising me and our relationship. He denied it and said I was being rigid.

I'm actually feeling quite upset that I feel sick that he won't agree to stick to his plans and prioritise me. Am I being too rigid? I was looking forward to tonight to reconnect and progress things with him, so I'm feeling sad.

The party was his priority not you. The relationship is over, turn off the life support and find someone that loves you and is emotionally available.

I suggest strongly you read ‘women who love too much’ by Robin Norwood. It’s not so much on having partner’s with addictions, being emotionally unavailable etc, it focuses on you.
How the dynamics of our parents lead us to choose someone that is similar, it’s a very insightful book and invaluable.
I agree it’s more to do with his drinking, how he checked out of the relationship once the DC were born and is desperate for ME time. Drink enables him to escape, but the focus should be on you because you can only change yourself.
Is this what you really want for you and DC? A man who has to escape and shut down because he’s not capable of giving you, or being the husband you need. He’s not capable of being the father your DC deserve.
A man who is there physically but mentally he is looking to escape mentally and any excuse, he breaks promises to go to the pub.

“Women who love too much”

what a grotesque title

I agree, the title is shit

You shouldn't need to reset your relationship; it's not an alarm. It either is or isn't working.

And hopefully doesn’t correlate in any way to the content of the book

either way, any author that names their book “women who love too much” is not author I will respect the view of

I'm sorry I think the problem is you are being too flexible. he was not sensible postponing due to drink - he was wrong to drink in the first place knowing you had agreed to talk.
put your energy into finding someone who cherishes you.

I suggested @Northwinds to read it, as I think it will open her eyes.

I suggest you wind your neck in @Bidedtime and stop trying to get attention. Make your own thread.

How clearly I can see your absolutely wasting your time with this one. Please also look up adult children of alcoholics and you will see the damage on children from growing up in a family where a parent is a drinker. You children will thrive better with you. He probably will step up the odd time when he sees you distancing yourself but he will revert to form.

Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's already checked out and gone. Actions speak louder than words, and he's telling you that he's no longer interested. He's doing these "relationship talks" to keep you on board for the moment, but no doubt he's making his own plans to go. You need to be doing the same. Secure your documents and your finances.

YABU for pursuing this relationship.

Sounds like he's not that "in to you".Surely a party would be arranged in advance and he should have told you about it anyway. Why are you not invited?

Commitment: Ensure both partners are genuinely committed to making it work.
Relationship Reset Fallacy: Be aware that a "reset" is not an instant fix and requires consistent effort.

You've got it right here ^ in your AI primer of what a Relationship Reset involves. The only way it can work is for both partners to be genuinely committed, and he just isn't.

why are you not seeing what we're seeing, @Northwinds ?

please don't come back on here in a year's time, still with him, still not moving forward and still unhappy.

please use your intelligence (of which you have plenty and he has none) to move you forward to a positive situation without him.