To put my foot down when he tries to drop our plans tonight because he's had a better offer?

[Northwinds]

Things haven't been great with our relationship for a while so we are doing a 'Relationship Reset'. We did the first session a few weeks ago, and had planned to do the second session last night. But he decided to drink last night, and he himself was strict first time saying we can't do this when one of us has been drinking. So we postponed it until tonight.

Now this afternoon he drops on me that he's going out tonight. I said to him we were doing this relationship talk tonight? I said no I would prefer you to stick to our plans and not just drop them when you get a better offer.
He said we can do it any other night, doesn't have to be tonight, we actually didn't confirm it (which is not true, not sure how we should confirm plans, should I email him and get him to confirm in writing?!) He said this party he's been invited to is only tonight and we can do our talk any time.

I said it really is hurtful when you drop our plans as soon as you get a better invite. I feel you are de-prioritising me and our relationship. He denied it and said I was being rigid.

I'm actually feeling quite upset that I feel sick that he won't agree to stick to his plans and prioritise me. Am I being too rigid? I was looking forward to tonight to reconnect and progress things with him, so I'm feeling sad.

Yes we do have kids.

I've no idea

Blimey.

Surely he knew some time in advance about this party (thus when he postponed yesterday, he should have known he was postponing for tonight too)

Surely the party invite didn't arrive this morning.

Were you not invited to the party?

It doesn't look good at all on his part.

You’re flogging a dead horse. The relationship is over if it’s got to the stage where you have to have some kind of new fangled ‘reset!

That’s modern day gobbledygook usually brought up by the female in the relationship and the bloke thinks it’s a load of cobblers but agrees to it for a bit of peace and quit from the nagging.

Who wants to stay in and have a relationship ‘reset’ which sounds as much fun as having as having an ingrown toenail removed, when he could be out enjoying his life.

We have kids so one of us has to stay at home. There's been stuff brewing for a while now and so we do need to talk about stuff in the round and address things overall. I suggested it but he's agreed. He just feels like we can do this 'whenever' and technically we can, but it's the principle of him just doing what he wants when he wants again which is a big issue in our relationship.

It sounds like it's too much hard work - you've tried. So you'll be left to take care of the children again by yourself?

Hey has prioritised your relationship.

Your relationship comes in last behind drinking and parties and you.

You need to prioritise the dude accordingly.

Tell him you’ll go to the party and he can mind the kids.
Be interesting to see how that goes.

It really would.

Just from reading your posts I can't imagine a 'reset' evening (is it just talking through your complaints??) with you being more appealing than a party.

I’d get my glad rags on and before he can leave for the party cruise past him and say if your reset conversation isn’t happening tonight you’re off out.
Then go and enjoy yourself 🖕

I agree with this. A relationship talk is a fact finding mission. You might find out he is really serious about you, or you might find out he isn’t. You have just got your answer without having to waste an evening listen to him lie to you.

He has just acted out for you the rest of your life —he will always blow you off for any reason and no reason. if you don’t listen to information he is providing you are doomed to repeat this cycle.

I think most people are missing that they live together and have kids.

Well it's not complaints, we've gone through about that stuff (without blaming) already, the rest of it is about reconnecting and making shared plans, so it's not going to be negative!

Sure, party is more 'exciting' but it's the principle of dropping plans when something better comes along and taking the other for granted "she will always be there" which is what I'm upset about.
He always gets his way when it comes to hijm going anywhere (we have kids so majority of time we can't do evening stuff together) so I'm not being that rigid, it's just one time too many now.

This is definitely a case of actions speak louder than words. He's clearly decided he prefers the action (party) to the words (chat). Surely it a relationship needs a reset it isn't working, life is too short for this

He's telling you loud and clear that the relationship isn't a priority for him.

Time to wrap your head around the fact that he's checked out and it's over.

Sorry but I would go to the pub too

I’m so sorry that he thinks so little of you. I would be tempted to say that you’ve got a baby sitter and you’re coming to the party with him.

Are you willing to stay around long term with a man who prioritises partying over you?

When you said “relationship reset” I thought you meant going on a fun date night once a week or something. Having an angsty state of the union talk once a week sounds bloody miserable. I’d be trying to get out of it too. Do you really need to dredge over your relationship issues on a schedule once a week? Can you not just decided you want to be together and plan some stuff to reconnect and fun again?

Does he pull his weight with the kids? Do you get evenings out with your friends while he looks after them?

If your relationship is in trouble and the 'reset' is supposed to fix things, it sounds as though he couldn't care less so I would make plans accordingly.

I disagree. A party would be more fun than an angsty in depth relationship discussion. I agree with taking a step back.

I have no idea what a ‘relationship reset’ is but it’s over surely? It’s supposed to be fun and supportive. Not hard work and misery.

Youre getting a lot of flack for this and I disagree! When me and DH were on the rocks and we both decided to carry on we had WEEKLY resets for a year! It saved us!

This

If your relationship was in a good place and it's a one off party, I think him going out is fine......... But your marriage is rocky

What this shows you is he is prioritising this party over your relationship which is poor. His levels of emotional intelligence are abysmal