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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL guilt tripping me for divorcing husband when he might lose his job

186 replies

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:50

I told my husband earlier this week that I want a divorce. Background, he told me out of the blue that he faces yet another disciplinary at work and given he was issued a final warning last year, it’s likely he will be dismissed.

I gave him an ultimatum at that time that if he did anything like that again to risk his job, I’d leave him. He works in an industry where you have to give references and disclose any dismissals if applying for a new role so he would never find new work.

He works for a big local employer for which I have friends who work in other departments. He lied to me about the reason for the final warning and I found out weeks later (from a friend) the real reason. It was humiliating for me as it was due to a remark he made to a female colleague on a night out. I was very close to walking away then.

This latest incident relates to inappropriate comments he has made (again when drunk!) on the team WhatsApp group. I cannot believe he has been so stupid.

He has obviously told his mum as I’ve had a barrage of messages tonight - I’m overreacting and heartless for kicking a man when he’s down, I should be fighting his corner, his workplace are pandering to the ‘modern worker’ whatever the hell that means.

I’m standing firm and want out.

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 23/05/2025 22:52

He's made his bed. YANBU

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 23/05/2025 22:53

Who the fuck are the 25%saying Yabu??

ColinOfficeTrolley · 23/05/2025 22:54

Yanbu.

He sounds like a tool.

I work for a union and the repeat offenders are always dickheads.

It's always everyone else's fault, but there's one common denominator.

Throw this one back.

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 23/05/2025 22:55

@Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet it’s only one person. 10 votes so far, 10% say YABU.

Shitmonger · 23/05/2025 22:56

I’d go scorched earth and tell her that actually this is the ideal time to divorce him as you won’t have to deal with his self-inflicted bullshit.

ChubbyMorticia · 23/05/2025 22:56

So, he’s a creep at best, predator at worst, and his mommy is blaming you for leaving and modern work rules for him getting in trouble.

Well, we know at least part of why he thinks he can do what he wants without consequences, don’t we?

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 22:56

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 23/05/2025 22:53

Who the fuck are the 25%saying Yabu??

It's only one person. Must have been only 4 votes when you looked.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 23/05/2025 22:56

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

Being a dick when you've had a drink is not an alcohol problem 🙄. It's a 'im a prick' problem.

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:57

He doesn’t have an alcohol problem in that he is not an alcoholic. He says (very) offensive things when drunk and doesn’t learn his lesson - it’s his fault.

OP posts:
WyrdyGrob · 23/05/2025 22:58

his mum is just shitting herself that the useless arse is going to have to move back in with her

Whiteflowerscreed · 23/05/2025 22:59

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

No alcohol addiction is not classified as a disability under The Equality Act 2010

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 22:59

You're obviously completely fed up with him and need to move on. You don't need to talk to your MIL about it, or read her messages.

ItsMutinyontheBunty · 23/05/2025 22:59

In retrospect, the flaw in the plan was saying you’d leave if it happened again..because it was very likely to happen again and at that point he’d get sacked, so you’re not just ending it but ending it when he’s about to lose his job. But no, you aren’t unreasonable to want to end this. He sounds awful. He’s made bad choices and will have to live with the consequences.

Eenameenadeeka · 23/05/2025 22:59

Does she know what he's done? I'm sorry, sounds awful but good on you for sticking to your boundaries!

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 23:00

Eenameenadeeka · 23/05/2025 22:59

Does she know what he's done? I'm sorry, sounds awful but good on you for sticking to your boundaries!

I’ve no idea if he has been truthful or not, I imagine he has told half the story or not even that like he did with me. I’m half tempted to tell her myself!

OP posts:
Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 23:01

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:57

He doesn’t have an alcohol problem in that he is not an alcoholic. He says (very) offensive things when drunk and doesn’t learn his lesson - it’s his fault.

He needs to go tee total I think

EilishMcCandlish · 23/05/2025 23:01

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

Bollocks.

EggnogNoggin · 23/05/2025 23:01

No wonder he behaves that way and expects you to pander to him when mummy is falling over herself to smooth his life over. Ew.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2025 23:02

Tell her she should have brought him up to be more responsible and not a dick.
Bonus for getting rid of him is you’ll be rid of her too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/05/2025 23:03

The wonderful thing about divorcing a dickhead with arseholes for relatives is that you get rid of all of them at the same time. It’s like a going away sale. Magical.

Fromage · 23/05/2025 23:04

These new fangled modern workers with their little hissy fits over nothing more than a wholesome, traditional, good old fashioned sex pest with an alcohol problem. And what he has a habit of doing when drunk, means he can't control himself, and that's an alcohol problem.

Your MIL and STBX both need a slap upside their heads.

You know, I've been drunk a lot in my life and I've never once been creepy or pervy on a work whatsapp so I'm also inclined to think he is, indeed, also a prick.

Sorry he has turned out this way, and unless you want to put up with this, it's probably best to leave him and his mother.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2025 23:04

Tell her exactly why he’s being sacked and then block her. She’s probably just worried he’ll be moving in with her.

Good for you for finally ditching the creepy, nasty twat. Not before time by the sounds of things.

FeedingPidgeons · 23/05/2025 23:04

She might not have the full picture

It's your call if you want to tell her, or disengage entirely

Either way, shes not the villain here.

Focus on what you want, and what you need to do to make it happen

This from her, it is just noise

RedToothBrush · 23/05/2025 23:05

You are not responsible for his actions. You are not obliged to put up with shit behaviour. It is not your problem to bail him out. You shouldn't be standing by him because his mother insists!

She can look after him if he's that down.