MIL guilt tripping me for divorcing husband when he might lose his job

[Chambers9]

I told my husband earlier this week that I want a divorce. Background, he told me out of the blue that he faces yet another disciplinary at work and given he was issued a final warning last year, it’s likely he will be dismissed.

I gave him an ultimatum at that time that if he did anything like that again to risk his job, I’d leave him. He works in an industry where you have to give references and disclose any dismissals if applying for a new role so he would never find new work.

He works for a big local employer for which I have friends who work in other departments. He lied to me about the reason for the final warning and I found out weeks later (from a friend) the real reason. It was humiliating for me as it was due to a remark he made to a female colleague on a night out. I was very close to walking away then.

This latest incident relates to inappropriate comments he has made (again when drunk!) on the team WhatsApp group. I cannot believe he has been so stupid.

He has obviously told his mum as I’ve had a barrage of messages tonight - I’m overreacting and heartless for kicking a man when he’s down, I should be fighting his corner, his workplace are pandering to the ‘modern worker’ whatever the hell that means.

I’m standing firm and want out.

i don’t know exactly what he said, it would depend on the extremeness whether I thought someone should lose their job & career over it. I guess he was given a final warning, I don’t know why someone would be so self destructive tbh.

The final warning was due to telling a female colleague on a team night out that he’d never worked with someone so ‘fuckable’ and that she was wasted in their line of work (charming, I know).
The latest incident - obviously I’ve only got his word for it, and he has lied before. But he tells me he is being 100% truthful.
There was a few of them messaging in the team WA group during/after a football match last weekend (he was watching in a pub with mates so drink involved again). One of them supports a team who lost. DH directed a message at him which was a version of ‘just get your DP to suck you off to cheer you up’.

From one of the OPs earlier posts. Bear in mind this is her husband's version so not impossible to believe minimised.

People are self destructive all the time. It is not necessarily any indicator of a diagnosable MH (that strangely only manifests when drunk)

Why should women have to put up with even low level sexual harassment in order to spare the feelings and finances of a man who is in complete control of his own actions and has the choice not to make these comments?

He thinks he can argue his case about the latest incident as the collleague wasn’t offended

So he’s thick as mince as well as being a sexist arsehole. A prince among men.

Good call @Chambers9

Wait, so you are arguing that this guy might have been discriminated against when you haven't even bothered to read the op's posts properly?? The posts where she tells you exactly what he said? Why are you so quick to jump to the defense of this bloke without even bothering to check what he's actually done?

On the one hand, you can divorce for any reason at all.

On the other hand it seems very old fashioned to divorce because of the loss of 1 job the entire marriage.

Reminds me of my GMIL who divorced GFIL when he lost his factory job because “she wasn’t going to be married to no breadline bum”

Have you actually read what he did to lose his job?? It's not the loss of the job, it's HOW he lost his job.

Something tells me that after her ultimatum, OP would not care exactly why or how he got a dismissal from the job. She was clear that endangering his job was unacceptable and a deal breaker to her.

And why shouldn't it be?

Frankly the pervy and inappropriate behaviour with colleagues (including telling one she is "fuckable", which is totally disrespectful of the OP as well as the woman concerned) would be quite enough for me, job loss or not.

I was working in the 1980s and it doesn't seem we've moved too far on from the "standards" then if people are willing to defend this.

Yes, imagine not wanting to be married to a man who makes a habit of making unwanted sexual comments to his female work colleagues.

Yes agree. It’s her prerogative and you don’t need a reason to divorce. I think it’s a bit old fashioned to call it a divorce over pending job loss. If I were OP, I’d have chosen a different reason like he’s a pervy creep who sexually harasses women.