Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why are so many men perverts?

213 replies

Larna4t · 23/05/2025 18:31

I just got sexually harassed by a tarot card reader. The most bizarre place to be sexually harassed! It was at one of those walk in places near a beach

He was looking at the cards, talking about my relationships and he said "it looks like you are single ". I said ""yeah i am i want to be single i don't want a relationship reallly'
He said "oh yeah you can just go out for a few shags that's just as good".
I was taken aback. He said again "you can go out and have a good shag'
I said "no i dont do that".

He then said "did someone just die. " i said "yes my dad'
He said 'i bet you were a naughty girl for your dad. You naughty naughty girl'.

I said "im leaving". What the fuck!

Last week i was at a poetry group. We all wrote and read out a poem. The women all wrote about families , love , beach walks etc.
The man wrote "a funny poem (his words)" about his testicles and sex. No one found it funny.

In my last workplace two of my male colleagues were "joking" about masturbating. I felt a bit sick

OP posts:
Todaysworldandbiscuits · 24/05/2025 13:52

Do these men actually believe women are the way they fantasise them to be? Do they convince themselves that their fabrications are real? It is like a lot of them are completely deluded.

GrouachMacbeth · 24/05/2025 14:15

The question is why?

Men have always leaned out of vans or no doubt horse and cart and leered, letched etc.
Has it reduced from the 1970s? In the safety of a cab yelling out an open window is reasonably anonymous (unless your number is taken) but not going to get the police racing out.

Why -
Perhaps the attitude that childhood leads into adolescence and kidulthood, which if it's a 30 year old chartered accountant with a skateboard, backwards baseball cap and shorts (in December) , with a Lego collection etc is harmless, but engages with humour based on smut, innuendo and more "edgier" humour being popular adds a bit.

Porn gives a much wider mental belief of what is "normal ", reasonable or expected contributes. If you are exposed to, or accurately exposed yourself to this frequently, the concept of normalcy will change.

Relying on us freezing when exposed at, or is being struck mute when verbalised at gives them a sense of victory - shouting back " it's like a penis but smaller" of laughing loudly deflated more than their ego.

Coming from an environment or culture that is repressive to seeing what has only been seen in porn or expectation of "only bad women do" is a reason too.

"I can, because I know I'll get away with it"

Regrettably I cannot see any of the government adding mysogyny to protected characteristics. Perhaps if we advocate and lobby our politicians?

LoafofSellotape · 24/05/2025 17:39

Whatwouldyoudoifyouwereme2025 · 24/05/2025 13:41

I think they are all Perverts, by default, and have to switch the Pervert button off!

Honestly, I think the same, pretty much.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/05/2025 01:10

SomethingFun · 24/05/2025 08:33

So sorry that happened to you @ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews

Someone I had been friends with for nearly 20 years grabbed my breasts on a night out. It’s so upsetting when it’s someone you think you know and like and that you think likes and respects you.

Thank you for saying that, that’s kind, and likewise to you.

What also shocked me was that there were loads of people around, it was a busy high street.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/05/2025 01:12

Lindajonesjustcantlivemylife · 24/05/2025 12:57

@FigTreeInEurope I agree with you,I worked with one guy who spoke filth to female staff and he wouldn't have dared do it to his own wife.
He got away with it because he was managers pet.
I hauled him up heap's of time's for the racist, homophobic, sexist dinosaur mouth.

And I bet management did sod all, after you reported it.

Lindajonesjustcantlivemylife · 25/05/2025 01:16

Not a thing,it was a case of oh you know what he's like.

OonaStubbs · 25/05/2025 01:20

I don't even think you can call it perversion as that implies a deviation from the norm. It's just how men are.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/05/2025 01:21

I now fully understand Germaine Greers’s statement that ‘women have very little idea about how much men hate them’.

Everyday, casual misogyny takes my breath away, sometimes.

The aggro that Bella Ramsay receives online is bloody awful.
The audacity of her appearing in a popular programme, and men don’t want to fuck her.

She shouldn’t be upbraided for not being (what men have decided) is conventionally attractive.
She’s just a regular looking kid, and I think it’s good for men to see that women come in all shapes and sizes - and not simply for their benefit!

Franpie · 26/05/2025 21:40

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/05/2025 01:21

I now fully understand Germaine Greers’s statement that ‘women have very little idea about how much men hate them’.

Everyday, casual misogyny takes my breath away, sometimes.

The aggro that Bella Ramsay receives online is bloody awful.
The audacity of her appearing in a popular programme, and men don’t want to fuck her.

She shouldn’t be upbraided for not being (what men have decided) is conventionally attractive.
She’s just a regular looking kid, and I think it’s good for men to see that women come in all shapes and sizes - and not simply for their benefit!

I used to think I was just unlucky. Or that because I was moderately attractive, blonde hair, blue eyes, slim with large boobs for my frame, that was the reason I encountered creeps all the time.

But then I read about the case of Gisele Pelicot. And I realised that Germaine Greer was right. It is most men. And it has nothing to do with how we look, what we wear, how we act. Most men see us as lesser and only on the planet for their amusement.

Disturbia81 · 26/05/2025 23:24

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/05/2025 01:21

I now fully understand Germaine Greers’s statement that ‘women have very little idea about how much men hate them’.

Everyday, casual misogyny takes my breath away, sometimes.

The aggro that Bella Ramsay receives online is bloody awful.
The audacity of her appearing in a popular programme, and men don’t want to fuck her.

She shouldn’t be upbraided for not being (what men have decided) is conventionally attractive.
She’s just a regular looking kid, and I think it’s good for men to see that women come in all shapes and sizes - and not simply for their benefit!

Hate us yet want us too.

And yeah the stuff I’ve seen about Bella is disgusting… incels in their mums basement judging someone playing a 14 year old who doesn’t match their wanking fantasies. It’s disturbing how looks focussed they are.

Todaysworldandbiscuits · 27/05/2025 15:19

What is it with men getting up in your personal space too? They do this in supermarkets, public transport, footpaths etc. No, you don't get to breath down my neck while I'm picking something off the shelf, step the hell back! Women never do this, alway men.

They think they have the right of way constantly, and that the woman should just move out of their way. I'm small and petite, and it is like they think it is might of way tbh! Funnily enough this never happens to my husbamd!

Disturbia81 · 27/05/2025 19:44

Todaysworldandbiscuits · 27/05/2025 15:19

What is it with men getting up in your personal space too? They do this in supermarkets, public transport, footpaths etc. No, you don't get to breath down my neck while I'm picking something off the shelf, step the hell back! Women never do this, alway men.

They think they have the right of way constantly, and that the woman should just move out of their way. I'm small and petite, and it is like they think it is might of way tbh! Funnily enough this never happens to my husbamd!

They want to be close to women. And dominate us in little ways. They notice us all the time. I like to play games with them and pretend they are invisible, just to the ones who are desperately trying to be noticed! When one is walking towards me on a long path he will watch me the whole time while I couldn’t give a shit about looking at them, it’s like they can’t stand not being acknowledged.
I’m friendly to friendly men just not these types

GreyCarpet · 28/05/2025 10:46

Most men see us as lesser and only on the planet for their amusement.

I've only highlighted this comment as it's the most recent but there have been many similar comments on the thread.

It is true and it is wrong but its not an accident or natural law either. And, unfortunately, its so ubiquitous that many women accept it too.

There have been a few threads over the years where women have raised the issue of, for example, sex and nudity in films and on TV. Or rape and sexual violence portrayed for 'entertainment' purposes. Often citing it to be unnecessary and gratuitous and adding nothing to the storyline. There are those who comment to say they agree and others who say, "No one has ever been damaged by seeing tits," or, "Sexual violence and rape are normal (albeit abhorrent) parts of life and should be represented as any other part of life is,' etc.

Yet, there are many aspects of 'real life' that are never shown in films or only shown in very specific films. Eg male on male violence, nudity or sexual assault. These are not included as standard in films about completely unrelated topics but in most films there will be, at the very least, an obligatory shower scene, a naked woman getting out of bed naked, a shoehorned in sex scene where the woman is fully nude but the man is covered. Because the majority of films are made for the male viewer and the majority are not interested in seeing naked men or men being raped and sexually assaulted. And it's very damaging for women that we are presented in that way - as lesser and at the mercy of men.

Laura Mulvey coined the term 'male gaze' to explain how women are represented in films to satisfy the male viewer. There are three components - the gaze of the cinematographer, the gaze of the other characters and the gaze of the audience.

We are all complicit in the 'male gaze' because we can't escape it. We can only view the characters/women through the lens with which they've been shot, the direction. Eg when the shot lingers erotically on naked breasts in a shower scene we are all engaged in the male gaze.

Whilst it doesn't actually refer to men staring at women in the street or men viewing women as sexual objects in real life, it certainly extends to this because that is the lens through which people have learned to view women generally. And even watching films by female writers/directors etc doesn't escape it because the 'male gaze' is dominant film language.

And so when women don't satisfy it because they are covered, not considered beautiful or attractive or sexy, or don't satisfy male sexual desires,.they are ridiculed and humiliated and made 'less than' because beautiful and nude is what men have come to expect. And people will cite handsome actors or newsreaders or TV presenters saying, "Women are no different, look at how they talk about x, y or z." But it is different because we all find people attractive but men aren't presented as only that and only be worth anything for what they offer in that respect.

And some women subscribe to it because they've learnt that's where their value lies. It's also often said that women are far more critical of other women and men don't care - just happy to have a naked body in front of them and all that. And that is because women have also been indoctrinated into this 'male gaze' and not because women are worse or 'the same' inherently.

It's a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy though. Men dominate in society, so society is set up (in all its dimensions) for the benefit of men. Yes, women are sexually attractive to heterosexual men. So men choose to portray women as sexually desirable and available because that's how they'd like women to be and how women are in their fantasies.

Unfortunately, we are all immersed in that narrative and there are those men who believe women are willing participants and complicit in this representation and there are those men who believe it is natural law. There are men who regard women as the 'gatekeepers' of sex and believe that most women are sexually available to men and desire to be found sexually attractive at all times.

We're all familiar with the 'manic pixie dream girl' trope and the idea that exists in some men (and women) feminists are just fat, hairy women that no man wants to shag. Or that lesbians just haven't found the right cock yet.

When all women have an inner world, thoughts and dreams and feminists aren't just angry women who can't get a man and lesbians don't want cock however gold plated it is.

But that's not what men have learnt.

Men have learnt that women are there for their taking. That women who disagreed with 'grid girls were just jealous, that women who object to porn are just insecure, that women who speak for women are just bitter because we all know that all women would love to be objectified and sexually desired because, after all, men have learnt that we are only their for their sexual and entertainment purposes.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread