Why are so many men perverts?

[Larna4t]

I just got sexually harassed by a tarot card reader. The most bizarre place to be sexually harassed! It was at one of those walk in places near a beach

He was looking at the cards, talking about my relationships and he said "it looks like you are single ". I said ""yeah i am i want to be single i don't want a relationship reallly'
He said "oh yeah you can just go out for a few shags that's just as good".
I was taken aback. He said again "you can go out and have a good shag'
I said "no i dont do that".

He then said "did someone just die. " i said "yes my dad'
He said 'i bet you were a naughty girl for your dad. You naughty naughty girl'.

I said "im leaving". What the fuck!

Last week i was at a poetry group. We all wrote and read out a poem. The women all wrote about families , love , beach walks etc.
The man wrote "a funny poem (his words)" about his testicles and sex. No one found it funny.

In my last workplace two of my male colleagues were "joking" about masturbating. I felt a bit sick

Mumsnet has a lot of pervs, usually found on the sex and relationships board. 🤮

No need to take that tone, I am not apologising because `i am not a victim of pervs.

I find that attitude rather distasteful, being looked down because I am not inappropriate touched in public by some weirdo!

Yes some men are disgusting, who said they won't.

It doesn't mean my experience is any less valid. Surely it's a good thing that many of us can run alone without being bothered by pervs everywhere we go? Surely it's a good thing I can run wearing a pair of shorts and not much on top and not hide under baggy clothes?

Is that an area? An attitude? Why the difference.

Yes, from a Santa infront of my young son, first ever visit as well. He said, "Oh has Mommy been naughty this year, have you been naughty Mommy? I will have to leave something in your stocking." It came across so creepy and disgusting, as he was focused more on me than my child. Luckily, my dc was too young to pick up on anything.
Honestly, men can be so disgusting and inappropriate, they aren't as discreet as they may think.

I have. Once. By a woman

I also witnessed women groping and harassing men at work

But now I'll also be called a man or a cool girl or whatever

Because it's MN

Oh, I have seen women touching and being completely inappropriate with unwilling men, often they were drunk to be fair (which is not an excuse). But I wouldn't mention this on MN, it will start an uproar. I can think of a couple of young barmen, who dread hen groups because it gets very unpleasant.

I never asked you to apologise. I didn’t say your experience wasn’t valid. I’m pleased that you haven’t been sexually harassed.

However, your posts questioning why some women are, seem to go towards victim blaming. An attitude? Really? What attitude would a woman have that would make a man feel they can say perverted comments or touch them without consent? It is the men’s attitude that is the issue.

Hen nights

Well, my original post was wondering why some women have so many experience while others have none. It would make more sense if it was more spread out, I was just wondering. How come someone can be harassed and inappropriately touched without her consent several times a day, when that never happens to others? I am not complaining, but because of the difference, it always end up with accusations that the rest of us are lying!

I added the attitude as a reason because you annoyed me.

I’ve written some great poems about labia

Quite

Daring to point out women do completely inappropriate things on MN just leads to the abuse we've seen on here already

Quite a lot of women write poetry about sex and their bodies

There is one specific one I can half recall talking about female masturbation

I haven’t said you’re lying. I haven’t questioned your experience. You questioned other women, insinuating that it was something they were doing for this to happen to them. Blame the men who do this. I’ve just been talking about this thread and your post with my male partner. He was as appalled as I was and said there is no ‘attitude’ that a woman could have that would make him sexually harass a woman, you know, because he’s not a pervy creep.

I think it is ‘more spread out’. Ime, most women have experienced this.

Having a private conversation with the person you have sex with about your own sexual behaviour is not the same thing at all.

I’ve seen it too. It’s no where as common though ime. When I’ve discussed it with men, it’s a minority who have experienced it. Generally, men can overpower women, so women are cautious of being sexual around men they’re not involved with. And although it is absolutely never ok for women to harass men, there is a difference because women do not pose the same threat to men that men do to women. Again though, it is never acceptable. When my partner has experienced unwanted attention, he hasn’t felt that he needs to smile and humour the woman in order to get away safely. He felt safe to say no without having to think he may be followed home etc. He didn’t like it, but he knew he wasn’t in danger of being raped. A gay male friend of ours has felt in danger, but guess what, from a man who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Women experience it at work, on the train, at the shop, walking down the street, whilst exercising, literally everywhere.

To use whataboutery, ‘what about women that do this’, on a thread about men harassing women seems disingenuous.

I wasn't insinuating anything. You took it that way.
Quite the opposite actually, I was in fact wondering if someone showing more fear was possibly more at risk?

I honestly could not care less what your "male partner' can think and that he was "appalled" however.

This comment doesn't make you come off better.

Fortunately for you, most posters drtft

I had already said that the women I know had nothing in common other than being female.

It’s never the woman’s fault if she is sexually harassed. You were victim blaming, looking to see what the woman’s ‘attitude’ is like. And if women show fear of men, it’s probably because they’ve got reason to.

The real sad thing is, in the man's moment of abuse/assault all for a moment's gratification, as evidenced by women in this thread, the trauma of it never leaves you, and women can still feel shamed by what they were subject to, many years later.

if you insist on taking everything I write as "victim blaming", I am not wasting my time with you.

It's terrible luck if one woman can't spend a day without being called names, sexually harassed and physically assaulted, every single day, while others bever experience the pervs ever.

It’s bad luck now is it? Good grief. No, it’s perverted men not controlling themselves.

In the last couple of weeks

Whilst out running, I’ve had a handful of pervy comments from men about my body and what they would do with me.

My daughter and her friends have had pervy comments shouted at them from men in a van whilst walking home from school discussing their GCSE exam in their school uniforms.

My friend was inappropriately touched by a man on a train.

Another friend had creepy comments from a man who came to fix her washing machine which miraculously stopped when her husband arrived home.

My mother is now 70 and rides an electric bike. She regularly gets pervy comments.

That’s not bad ‘luck’ or anything to do with our ‘attitudes’ it’s just that pervs are gonna perv.

I've never known a 'pervy' woman.
Pervy men however? Everywhere you go.
Sorry Nigel!

I’m so sorry you had this experience - what an utter dick-whad!! Swerve, move on and live your great single life!!

IMO they should start putting bromide in water to curb mens sexual urges which causes perversion.

Nowhere near as bad. The comedian Louis CK did a stand up comedy bit about this very subject years ago: “women THINK they’re as sexually perverted as men, that’s because they have no idea how sexually perverted men are…”

I’m a woman btw, but with a few close male friends who are refreshingly frank about this subject.

You are missing the point completely.

it’s just that pervs are gonna perv.
no one is saying they are not.

If you prefer, the question is not: why are these women victim of these pervs, the question is "why so many women are NOT victims". Why are the pervs leaving them alone?