Why are so many men perverts?

[Larna4t]

I just got sexually harassed by a tarot card reader. The most bizarre place to be sexually harassed! It was at one of those walk in places near a beach

He was looking at the cards, talking about my relationships and he said "it looks like you are single ". I said ""yeah i am i want to be single i don't want a relationship reallly'
He said "oh yeah you can just go out for a few shags that's just as good".
I was taken aback. He said again "you can go out and have a good shag'
I said "no i dont do that".

He then said "did someone just die. " i said "yes my dad'
He said 'i bet you were a naughty girl for your dad. You naughty naughty girl'.

I said "im leaving". What the fuck!

Last week i was at a poetry group. We all wrote and read out a poem. The women all wrote about families , love , beach walks etc.
The man wrote "a funny poem (his words)" about his testicles and sex. No one found it funny.

In my last workplace two of my male colleagues were "joking" about masturbating. I felt a bit sick

There was a very similar post on here about a month ago, so I will repeat what I said then.

I don’t think all/most men are perverts. I’d say the majority aren’t, although sadly I have met a number throughout my life who absolutely were. I think men generally are just far more obsessed with / driven by sex and their sexual desires / appetites. Provided those desires don’t lead to poor behaviours or overstep the line, I don’t have a problem with it. And to be honest, some of the filthiest things I’ve ever heard have been said by women.

I think for me it comes down to the definition of a pervert. For something or someone to be classed as perverted, they would be characterised by sexually abnormal and unacceptable practices or tendencies. I interpret this as more along the lines of flashing strangers, bestiality or paedophilia.
Perhaps the better question to ask would be do we think most men are sleazy? For me, this is how I would categorise the tarot reader’s behaviour.

Sure that all happened.

Maybe it is similar to online dating

Women can afford ( and have to be ) to be very selective. Men have very low matches etc if they are short , unattractive etc. some men then resort to unsolicited dick pics and crude approaches as widely as possible.

I suppose some men apply this to everyday situations too....

Why are so many women with gross men and are attracted to perverts? And then have these men around their children either with them or previous mem?

I think very few women aren’t victims, so saying ‘so many’ women are not victims is very misleading.

The only question is why are so many men pervs. Men need to change. Women don’t need to reflect on their behaviour because men are creepy towards them whilst they’re going about their life.

I'm certainly not a man but agree women can be just as bad. It just doesn't cause the same reaction

my best friend sent me a pic of tom hardy saying she would climb that like a tree. that’s pretty perry but i found it funny

I think vulgarity in general is becoming more normalised.
Some men in particular seem to think banter is a code for say whatever they want and play it off as having a laugh. I've seen this play out in my own life. The only time where men have behaved with better standards is after they've done equality and diversity training at work, then gone on to "barriers to success" - levels the playing field.
I come from a deprived area, education is key.

Because we live in a society where historically women were lesser beings , men could marry, rape, beat women with no repercussions. Even twenty years ago sexual assault was seen as fair game in some situations nightclubs for example. Laws have strengthened, tolerance has changed but it’s still there and there are still plenty of men who think it’s acceptable .

it would be nice to think one day we won’t have to teach our teen dds how to protect themselves from men but it’s unlikely.

Again, I am not denying any of this, but what I find puzzling because it's a common occurence on MN, is that these incidents seem to happen to some women A LOT, and to others never.

This used to be me, it would happen to me ALL the time. It stopped once I reached about 30, thank god. I think some women have a certain "look" that attracts men like this and unfortunately that included me. I think they can also tell who is unlikely to cause a scene (again, me).

My trust in men is absolutely on the floor because of it. I would never accept a male professional touching me intimately, I even get uncomfortable in an eye exam. I've seen far too many "lovely family men" switch into predator mode as soon as no one is looking. I've even seen men make disgusting comments in front of their young children, so horrible.

Discussed this with my husband a few times when seejng news about perverts etc.
He (male view) reckons all men have a tendancy for perversion but it varies in extremes, and that some men can not control it and that the men who can control their minds, bodies and urges have to keep an eye on the ones that can't and also there are some that are right dirty pervs who keep it hidden under a veneer of respectibility.
In short his view is that men will think about sex more than women, majority will have normal urges (like normal sex with age appropriate women) and be able to supress it or put it at the back of their minds and be respectful and not perverted. Others its right there front and central and they cant control themselves.
Makes sense to me as we know, men do think more with their dicks. Some men their brain can overule and some men it can't.

I’d love to hear them.

They can all control themselves, it’s a choice to be a perv.

YABU for paying some charlatan in a tent on a beach. But yeah I agree most men are somewhere on the pervy scale even if they don’t say it out loud.

Again, I am not denying any of this, but what I find puzzling because it's a common occurence on MN, is that these incidents seem to happen to some women A LOT, and to others never.

I don't think it's anything that women are doing tbh.

I'm 51 and l, whilst I'd say it's definitely lessened in the last 2 or 3 years, it still happens. I don't dress in a sexualised way or wear things that most men stereotyipically find particularly 'appealing'. I don't make.eye contact with men or even look at them (to the extent that I recently passed my partner on a staircase at a gig and didn't realise it was him). So I'm not eliciting it in any way.

Since hitting 45, I've shut down plenty of younger men with, "I'm old enough to be your mother," or, "And how would you feel if someone spoke to your mum like that when she was just minding her own business?"

I've been physically picked up on dance floors by male strangers, told I 'wasn't very nice' for telling some bloke who was harassing me to fuck off, I've had men in their 20s shout sexualised comments at me across the street on a night out, had a man in his 20s tell me i have 'great tits' and all in my mid - late 40s. And those are just the things I can recall right now. And don't include anything from my early 40s or 30s, 20, teens.

I think a lot of it boils down to this.

Some men know they are being creepy and intimidating and that's why they do it.

Some men don't realise that women find it intimidating and think it will be flattering. They've had years of women smiling politely and not challenging it so they think the vocal minority who object are weird because other women appreciate it.

Some men fantasise about women behaving similarly to them. If a woman made it known she was sexually available to him or thought about him sexually, or was that direct, or 'complimented' him in that way, he'd find it a turn on. They're just behaving towards women the way they want women to behave towards them.

Can’t quote well enough, but just to clarify no, mr nice guy telling me men’s brains are not the best, is not my sample size if one. Tbh I never felt/had any sexual weirdness/harassment concerns around him - though obviously he said that once.
I really didn’t (maybe don’t) want to believe that - especially when we all know apparently great guys - for me that includes relatives, in laws, friends - that I would hate (even struggle) to think are like that.
Anyway, sadly I do, like many, have a considerable sample size that proves his point - I’m old enough to have been perved on and harassed at work when it was just more or less ok, or laughed off. But I’ve seen it still happening at work today, though less prolific, and more hidden. Flashers seemed more prolific in my younger years too - around schools and in parks.I have been groped at bus stops as a young teen, and many more places as I started going out and about - like accidentally being too close behind me as well as more blatant grabs. My long term/and some short term fellas have all exhibited some behaviours that are questionable. My relatives/friends have similar stories and I observe plenty of low level perving when out and about.
I still don’t want to tar all men at all, I prefer to think this is a minority of men, and despite above I have male friends, colleagues and relatives whom I really like and would trust - sadly if I think about it probably at least half would exhibit some undesirable sexual behaviours if let loose.

I think it’s partly socialisation.
Men told that men think about sex every few minutes/seconds. Males constantly shown examples of men grabbing women/refusing to take no for an answer/pestering women. Look at films, mainly old ones, and see how the hero behaves.
I don’t think it’s an excuse by any means. Boys brought up by awful fathers. Working with pervy men who see women as only good for sexual gratification,
Being exposed to porn.
Having fathers who put men first. Fathers who slate strong women. For example many, many men criticise female comedians or female sports players. Female mps. If any film with a female lead. Do they do the same to crap make comedian or rubbish films with a male lead?
Look at how their fathers view women. Do they talk about them in terms of their attractiveness therefore reducing them to objects?

I completely agree with this. The stuff some men say to each other about women is weird as fuck, and leaves me speechless because my wife is my best friend.

There's an expectation from many men that you will think of your wife as a bit thick, childish, mentally unstable and a gatekeeper to sex. I regularly hear men talk about their wives as though they are tricky to manage members of staff.

If I pull other men up on it, they look at me like I'm niaeve, and haven't worked out that women are crazy, have an agenda, and spoil the sport of cheating. I genuinely think some men see infidelity, and their marriages this way.

I'm fifty odd, and I don't really remember men talking this way in the past. I think it's porn, and the "quantity rather than quality" it gives men's desire. I honestly think it needs all out banning, it's wrecking society from behind closed doors.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, she has a six year old daughter, her daughter told her that a boy in her class keeps putting his hands down the back of her shorts and touches her bum, she she likes it but when he touches her in the front, she stops him, she’s told her to tell him to stop, I told her to go to the school and tell someone as it could be a sign that something was happening to him at home or that he might go to far and hurt her daughter, if he’s doing that at six then something is definitely wrong there

Can’t be arsed quoting but that pp who has never been harassed or assaulted - a pervy man who is willing to say/do something to women has never crossed paths with you and felt they had the opportunity. That’s it, that’s all it is.

A lot of girls experience harassment and assault in their childhood years so think very carefully about putting it down to a no-nonsense, don’t fuck with me attitude instead of putting the blame squarely on the shoulders of entitled, abusive and criminal men. Of which there are many.

I can go years without being harassed but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still happening to someone else or that I’ve suddenly attained a status or aura that means pervy men now see me as a real human being.

Double post, but that friends dd also needs safeguarding @60sbird No one should be putting their hands down her pants - she’s 6! It doesn’t matter whether she likes it. Ffs those poor children.

Men commit 98% of sexual assaults.
That is all you need to know.

Because many are absolute deviants. And having easy access to all sorts on the internet doesn’t help.

YABU to go to a Tarot reader (plus you must be the easiest person to cold read ever giving him loads of information like you don't want a relationship and that it was your dad that died!) and he was BVU to be a complete creep.

Rubbish.