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Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 22/05/2025 14:48

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I would have been out at the bottoms that spelled out a word too.

Motnight · 22/05/2025 14:51

Please do pick her up on her behaviour around the bikini bottoms and report the conversation back to us!

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 14:52

YWBU about the bikini bottoms being used to spell out a word for a photo op.
You’d have got a flat no from me too! You can’t just be ‘body confident’ either on someone else’s say so even if you do know about the plan in advance.

Perhaps she’s just not great in organised group situations in general and just didn’t come across well because she was uncomfortable, it happens.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 22/05/2025 14:54

We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo

...you lost me there.

TimeForTeaAndToast · 22/05/2025 14:55

It's annoying that she was moody, but I put unreasonable because of the bikini bottom photo.

eustoitnow · 22/05/2025 14:56

I wouldn’t have been happy with someone cheating on their other half either and the bikini bottoms photo id also find tacky
TBH I think you are being overly precious

ThirstyFruit · 22/05/2025 14:56

You sounded reasonable enough till the bikini bottoms bit. What are you saying, your friend shouldn’t have come on your hen do unless she was body confident enough to wear a specific pair of bikini bottoms for a themed photo op? Because she knew in advance and should have gone on a crash diet or an exercise regime or something?

Catsandcannedbeans · 22/05/2025 14:57

I don’t know if I’d be down for the arse photo, depends how far in advance you told me and if I’d had time to get some squats in. I do think you should call her out on her behaviour tho, most of it sounds unreasonable.
I will say with regards to your friend having a drunken fumble, some people feel really strongly about stuff like that. Personally I’m a what happens in vegas stays in vegas person, but a lot of people who have been cheated on or come from families impacted by cheating find it triggering.

menopausalfart · 22/05/2025 14:57

Some people always manage to make an event about themselves. Is she always like this?

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/05/2025 14:58

eustoitnow · 22/05/2025 14:56

I wouldn’t have been happy with someone cheating on their other half either and the bikini bottoms photo id also find tacky
TBH I think you are being overly precious

Agree. I think I’m probably on the “moody” friend’s side. I’d like to hear her version as it all sounds rather grim.

ThirstyFruit · 22/05/2025 14:58

I didn’t notice the ‘drunken fumble’ bit. Well, if that drunken fumbler is married or in a relationship, and your friend knows and likes their spouse or partner er, I’m not sure it’s a particularly unreasonable attitude?

PurpleThistle7 · 22/05/2025 14:59

Unless you don’t want to be friends with her anymore I’d leave it. Sounds like lots that either should have been handled at the time or is too silly to rehash.

ResidentPorker · 22/05/2025 15:00

Moaning about the hotel and the food would annoy me.

The bikini bottoms thing is tacky and horrible and I'd have said no to it too.

MidnightPatrol · 22/05/2025 15:01

Bikini bottoms element makes me suspicious about the rest of the trip.

ThejoyofNC · 22/05/2025 15:01

You wouldn't catch me in a bloody pair of bikini bottoms spelling a word out.

Maybe have a look the way you/your friends acted and you might see why she was in a mood. I certainly would have been if I was surrounded by drunken fools cheating on their spouses. Then being forced to eat in places I hadn't even chosen or made out to be difficult. And having paid a fortune for the pleasure presumably.

Dinosweetpea · 22/05/2025 15:02

eustoitnow · 22/05/2025 14:56

I wouldn’t have been happy with someone cheating on their other half either and the bikini bottoms photo id also find tacky
TBH I think you are being overly precious

This.
I'm on her side with the cheating and bikini bottoms - no wonder she wasn't in the best mood!

mummytoonetryingfortwo · 22/05/2025 15:02

The friend cheating is disgusting, but at the end of the day that’s her decision to deal with. Not worth being lectured over. The photo, if she knew ahead of time, why didn’t she just say no?

mathanxiety · 22/05/2025 15:02

YY to 'what happens in Vegas..'

Move on. Sorry you felt you had to manage behaviour in order to prevent a blow-up.

Console yourself with the realization that you know your friends a bit better than you knew them before, and now you can decide where the friendship goes next.

InMyOpenOnion · 22/05/2025 15:02

At this point I would just leave it and move on. I was at a hen do with someone like this once.
The weekend just flowed around her and people ignored her mainly. It didn't really ruin the weekend and it's best to just move on to the wedding. It sounds like she didn't really want to go. It would have been better if she hadn't bothered but maybe she felt obliged to come?

MintTwirl · 22/05/2025 15:03

You would have zero chance of taking a photo with my bum in bikini bottoms. I also would be judging the person in a relationship and cheating, I probably wouldn’t lecture them but I might ask if everything is ok in their relationship. I’m with your friend.

Bigcat25 · 22/05/2025 15:04

I would just let it go.

ItGhoul · 22/05/2025 15:04

YANBU about any of this except for the bikini bottoms thing, which for a million reasons should never have been arranged in the first place.

The whinging, moaning, going on about your sex life etc was out of order.

ThirstyFruit · 22/05/2025 15:06

Maybe you should have stood all the hens in a row wearing the bikini bottoms before checking in at the airport, and refused to let anyone who wouldn’t get on the plane? Or just chosen your hens based on how peachy their derriéres look?

Bournetilly · 22/05/2025 15:08

She knew about it in advance so why didn’t she tell them she wasn’t going to be in the photo? They could have used a shorter word, had 2 letters on one pair of bikini bottoms etc.

No way would I be in a photo like this but I would tell them in advance.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/05/2025 15:08

Is this a tiresome reverse? The cheating makes me think so.