Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

I don't understand all the comments to the lines of 'Well I wouldn'tdo that either!!!'

Irrelevant IMO. She agreed to do it. Regardless of what it is, once agreed it is a bit off to drop out and affect everyone else's enjoyment.

Look, she was probably a bit of her comfort zone for whatever reason. Yes she could have handled it differently, and better, but it’s done now, and you weren’t part of whatever went on behind the scenes to organise the trip, so no point speculating as to whether anything happened then. Focus on the good parts of the trip and your upcoming wedding. Have a wonderful day and don’t get too hung up on this one issue.

She agreed to do it. Regardless of what it is, once agreed it is a bit off to drop out and affect everyone else's enjoyment.

maybe she didn't feel comfortable saying no in a group chat

Surely the woman who cheated was the one who caused the awkwardness, not the one who called out the cheating?

The bikini bottoms thing is tacky AF. I'd have said no to that as well.

You clearly don't like her, OP. Just get through the wedding then go NC.

Absolutely no point "having it out" with her. The friendship will end at the point anyway.

Lolling at those PPs saying "What happens on Hen Do, stays on Hen Do". So that only applies to being unfaithful, not moaning a bit about the food?

You lost me way way before ‘Bikini bottoms’ but seriously? Classy. And are we supposed to feel sorry for your friend who’s cheated on her partner?!

Maybe it was all a bit of a protest at the 'bikini bottoms' project. I mean, that's a very big ask of anyone and I'd have been out at the mere suggestion.

Maybe, but we can't go around letting our discomfort come at other's expense. She could've msgd the organiser privately.

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I love wearing a bikini on holiday. I would be mortified having to be in a picture of mine and others arses.

All sounds very “Page 3 Stunnas on Tour” to me. And totally for the male gaze too

Wow
“middle aged and saggy after kids”
you sound lovely.

What a strange thing to say.

This comment isn’t going to help your case.

Kids dont give you a saggy arse, weight and inactivity do

Me too

It's over now. What will you accomplish by pulling her up on it at this point? More awkwardness. Some of the things she did were annoying, but the bikini thing is 😬and your friend who is in a relationship and had a 'drunken fumble' maybe should feel a bit embarrassed. I wouldn't have said anything, but yeah, I'd have judged hard.

I was just seeing it from the perspective of those who seemed horrified by the idea - apologies if I worded it clumsily!

Also this … especially if you all know her partner and he/she will be with her in attendance at the wedding. Poor fucker

God. I am your age, and I think this comment is REPUGNANT. Your friend is better off without you -- you're ill mannered and lacking in intellect, not to mention ageist.

I should point out re. the ‘drunken fumble’. The two friends know each other but are not ultra close. Which is why it felt more awkward than a really close friend telling a couple of home truths if that makes sense.

They weren’t sharing a room either so it’s not like she had any disturbed sleep!

I honestly think it’s an age thing though. I’m 27 and would happily do a photo like that! It’s all a bit of a laugh

Ah, mate. If that's your worldview (and I assume you think us saggy middle-aged with kids women shouldn't be wearing bikinis) i think you're no better than her moaning and getting annoyed at the quality of a 4 star hotel.

Oh no that is so TOWIE-chic, just awful sorry.