Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

I’m so glad I’m too old for all this shit.

I’ve got a size 6 arse but I wouldn’t want it plastered all over social media in some tacky photograph. And your other friend didn’t have a “drunken fumble” she cheated, which is shitty behaviour. She shouldn’t have done it if she didn’t want calling out about it.

Your friend who cheated should feel uncomfortable, and I would be more pissed off at her for creating the awkward situation

Yeah, how come your other friend gets a free pass for cheating on her OH? And putting you all in the position of having to lie to him by omission at the wedding, or whenever else you see him?

How would you feel, OP, if your fiance snogged/fumbled a woman on his stag do, and all his stags knew about it, but you didn't?

Someone should of told her to stop moaning when it was happening,Bit late now.

It wasn’t the bride to be doing it though was it. You don’t know how serious a relationship the hen involved was in 🤷🏻‍♀️ either way I’d not make it my business unless they wanted to discuss it with me.

Sure, but you’re on here complaining about it because it ruined the ‘message’ in your photo op?

The comments on other peoples relationships is not on but no wonder if she was in a mood if there was forced fun of wearing ridiculous bikini bottoms

And I have been on plenty of hens abroad and not one has done something like that

You can say something to her now you are back if it will make you feel better. But there may be some stuff that she says back that you don’t want to hear and will tarnish your memory of the weekend. Up to you if you want to take that risk

Is she usually the negative one of the group or did she not enjoy spending a fortune to go on a weekend away where other people are cheating?

You are unreasonable for having a hens 'weekend'. Whatever happened to dinner and then clubbing? So I have no sympathy.

So are you saying your arse is really good?

I wouldn’t have done the bikini bottoms thing either and must admit whilst none of my business admittedly would have taken a bit of a dim view of the fumbling friend if she’s in a relationship - the other aspects - she should have put up and shut up

I think if you value her friendship, I’d probably let this go. Complaining about the hotel and restaurant etc is really irritating, but it’s over and done with now.

As someone who isn’t body confident, and who might have felt pressured to say yes to bikini bottom thing, I think I’d have spent the whole time worrying about that and that might have shown in the way I behaved.

I am with her on the bikini bottoms photo.

I would not care if I knew about it before I would refuse to do it.

The rest is fair to pull her up about it

This is exactly how I feel about the cheating. I wouldn’t condone it but it would be nothing to do with me. Both participants are adults and if she wants to cheat that’s her choice. It’s between her and her OH and not up to her mates to lecture her on it. Not my monkeys, not my circus springs to mind here.

Honestly I’d just tell her to fuck off.

Are people saying 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' about the friend who cheated on their partner?! I wouldnt have lectured her but that wouldn't have sat well with me either. Would people be okay for their male partners/husbands to do that on stag dos?!

I think you're getting a lot of unfair criticism re the bikini bottom pic. I imagine your MOH/bridesmaids would have thought it was a great idea in theory, but sadly they've not really considered that everyone may/may not want to partake. But this is a conversation that should have been had prior to your trip.

Although, could she have agreed in the group chat (because I imagine there was one) and then on the day just decided against it because she was in a mood? Do you think that's what's likely happened?

How close are you to this friend? Could there be something going on with her?

Moaning about the restaurant and accommodation - bad.
Judging the hound who is in a relationship but had a 'fumble' (great 1970s euphemism for being unfaithful there) and refusing to take part in the bikini bottoms trash-fest - she's got a point.

One of them cheated on her partner on the very first night?? Forget the moody one, that’s what would have tarnished the trip for me.

The moody one sounds obnoxious/annoying, but she also sounds like she’s jealous that you’re getting married.

Sorry but I wouldn’t wear bikini bottoms either, so you will have to suck that 9ne up, you shouldn’t be forcing someone to do something they a4 not comfortable doing

as to the rest I would have a quiet word about how she didn’t seem happy and is there something going on. If she says no I would just drop it

AIBU that I want to know what was being spelt out and hoping it was ‘bride’ and that the friend was really kicked out rather than dropped out, for adding ‘zilla’ to her pair?

It’s annoying, but I feel like being on holiday with people brings out a side of them you’ve never seen before. You can get on with someone brilliantly but as soon as you organise an overnight trip, you see the real person.

I wonder what her version would be. The bikini bottoms and cheating would not be for me.

Moaning about the hotel and moaning about the restaurant - yeah annoying. Probably not enough to have a word about though.

the bikini thing - if it was pre-agreed and she was in on it then again annoying as you could have done t-shirts, pyjamas whatever instead if she’d been upfront. It’s annoying in the sense that you all wasted money on bikini bottoms that became redundant.

The lecturing I’m with her on. Only person to have the guts to say that is not on. You all should’ve done this tbh.

She sounds a bit jealous and a sour puss- but the bikini bottoms bit sounds a bit grim to have to do. Take the high road, mentally note she's feeling a bit jealous and step back for a bit.

Yeah, that’s mine and others’ theory on it. I’ve seen how it was proposed in the chat and it was very much a ‘if anyone’s uncomfortable with it don’t worry and just say’, so I suspect she knew what she was doing.