Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

The cheatinv, the bikini bottoms, all sounds awful tbh.

You don't have to be middle-aged and saggy to think that the bikini bottom idea is not something you would want to do.

Did anyone actually speak to her to see if she was ok while you were away?

I wouodnt have done this in my early 20s, let alone 30s OP

I'd probably leave it unless she brings it up. I wouldn't break my neck to socialise with her in future, though.

I think your friend sounds like a decent person- minus the no sex life comment, I can’t see what else she done wrong? Your other friend on the other hand who hand a ‘fumble’ sounds tacky as do you with the bikini bottoms… bridezilla perhaps 😳🤣

Let it go
your friends fumble was nothing to do with her
the picture she’s was unreasonable if agreed then pulled out on the hen do the time to say no is when you first suggested it

some people are just negative by nature which sounds like her moans about everything you won’t change them

Well done for not being middle aged and saggy. What lovely ladies you lot are 🤮

I would love to hear the friend's story about the hen do...

'Drunken fumbles' best left for your late teens.

Yes, I can’t criticise her for that.

It sounds to me like your friend is struggling with either you or her friends around her moving on/getting married - perhaps she's envious, perhaps she's lonely, perhaps she's feeling bad about herself (she's never been married as you pointed out).

She's highlighted the negatives of marriage (sex life), chastised someone who is treating their own marriage with contempt (fumble friend) and probably feeling a bit crap about herself (not wanting to be in the bum photo).

I don't know how many of your hen attendees were single, but if the weekend was inevitably about the excitement of weddings, the nostalgia of others' wedding, she was probably feeling pretty miserable.

Should she have reigned it in? Yes. But maybe it's not worth ending the friendship if her behaviour came from a place of pain rather than trying to sabotage your fun

Yeah OP YABU in my opinion. Your friend clearly has different morals than the rest of you regarding the cheating and hell no would I get my bun out for a photo op which was also surely for attention and gratuitous.

Maybe she was annoyed that her friends were cheating, not caring about it, getting their bits out etc.

Unfortunately history suggests (hen weekends, bridezillla behaviour etc) you are more likely to need everyone to be perfect for your narrative as it’s your hen do and not understand people feel differently to you.

Exactly my thoughts.

A hard no at my bottom being photgraphed for instagram. Late 20s you don't want this kind of thing being shared online and jeopardising your professional life. Probably the reality of it made her think twice once she was there. It might have sounded ok in a group chat months before hand.

😂

The point has certainly whooshed right over your head…

Your day will come 🙃

When you say her sleep wasn’t disturbed because she wasn’t sharing with the ‘fumbler’, are you saying the fumbling took place in the bedroom? Maybe not the direct point of the post but pretty bad form, even if it was called out by grumpy friend.

The bikini bottom thing has done my head in. Get over yourself!

I’m guessing….

I was really excited to attend a good friends hen do. It was a lot of money but unfortunately the hotel and some of the places to eat were a bit crap but we did what she wanted. One of the girls in a relationship cheated on her OH/partner/boyfriend and when I brought it up it was excused as a bit of a fumble and not okay to discuss The bride talked a lot about her wedding etc andI made a jokes that sex after marriage changes. She didn’t like that very much. The bride wanted us to wear bikini bottoms and parade around for a picture which I was really uncomfortable with but the bride was really annoyed I wouldn’t get my bum out for a pic. The unwanted attention was too much…..Or something like that.

I would just leave it, it sounds like it may have put a bit of a downer on the hen but didn’t ruin it?
I wouldn’t have been comfortable with friends cheating on their other half’s, bikini photos.
Did her moaning about the hotel and food actually affect anyone? Did anyone tell her to pipe down and stop moaning or be more positive? I think with these things you need to call it out in the moment not later on.

This has just got to be a wind up, but I'm here for it 🍿.

Rude. Middle age after kids doesn’t automatically mean saggy bum. What an entitled thing to say.

And I see many many many 20 somethings that have saggy bums without having had children.

Your attitude sucks.

The bikini thing and the friend having a "drunk fumble" aka cheating on her partner, makes it sound like one of those super-tacky events you see in places like Liverpool, where they're all in lycra and stilettos and L plates with inflatable penises on their heads, fake tan and lip fillers. Total state even to witness, let alone be part of at any age, so I'm not surprised your friend was in a mood. That said, it's your event, so if that's what you find fun, then you do you, I guess. She just shouldn't have gone.

Yeah it was someone staying at the same hotel. Not something I approve of but she’s an adult at the end of the day.

Same