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Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
Original poster
KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 15:10

Parading 🤣

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 15:11

Very rude to ruin the weekend by bringing her bad mood,

even lecture the friend was ridiculous. At least she should have done it privately, what's the point of punishing everyone else?

Of course you are BU about the bikini bottoms

periperimenonochips · 22/05/2025 15:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 22/05/2025 15:12

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

I wear a bikini by the pool and on the beach because it's hot and wet, so different to having a booty in a shot along with everyone elses 🤭 there's a massive difference here.

CatamaranViper · 22/05/2025 15:13

If you're going to cheat on your partner then you deserve to feel like shite imo. And no way would I get my arse out for a photo no matter who asked it how long I knew about it in advance.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 22/05/2025 15:14

Blimey, the more I read about hen do's on Mumsnet, the more I wonder why anyone bothers. No one seems to get any joy out of them, not even/especially not the bride to be, they cost a fortune, friendships are shattered and it's ill feeling all round. I wonder how the marriage goes when that comes along.

Happy to be corrected by anyone who had a blissfully happy hen do!

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 22/05/2025 15:15

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

That’s her choice, and very different to having a photo taken of your arse, surely you understand that?

I’m confident enough in my bikini but no way would I be taking part in some coordinated arse photo nonsense, how cringe…

Assssofspades · 22/05/2025 15:15

Drunken fumbles and arse photos for social media, sounds like a vile weekend.

LandSharksAnonymous · 22/05/2025 15:15

It wasn't a drunken fumble. It was cheating. Cheating is unforgivable and I'd have said far worse if one of my friends had done that to their partner.

People can be happy wearing one thing and not wearing another, even if it's similar. But particularly if something is designed to call attention to an area of their body.

She sounds like she wasn't very happy and didn't want to be there.

You sound like a pretty bad friend - defending a cheater whilst simultaneously trying to justify being angry someone was body conscious.

MintTwirl · 22/05/2025 15:15

How dare she not want a photo of her bum in a bikini. Let’s face it these photos are only taken to use online, maybe she didn’t fancy her bum being plastered on Instagram or Facebook for anyone to see? That is very different to wearing a bikini around the pool

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 22/05/2025 15:15

This honestly sounds hideous. The bikini bottoms, the drunken fumble cheating on the partner. Just…horrible.

bobby81 · 22/05/2025 15:15

@notwavingbutdrowning1 I totally agree

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 15:16

A drunken fumble when you’re in a relationship isn’t great but it’s hardly a full blown affair is it, I wouldn’t go out of my way to make someone feel shit about it.

Blackdow · 22/05/2025 15:17

So this friend had an issue with one of the women cheating on her partner and also didn’t want a photo of her ass plastered all over social media.
I’m with her. You might be ok with cheating and having your bum photographed but I wouldn’t be.

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 15:18

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 22/05/2025 15:14

Blimey, the more I read about hen do's on Mumsnet, the more I wonder why anyone bothers. No one seems to get any joy out of them, not even/especially not the bride to be, they cost a fortune, friendships are shattered and it's ill feeling all round. I wonder how the marriage goes when that comes along.

Happy to be corrected by anyone who had a blissfully happy hen do!

I have been to a few sunny long weekends hen dos involving beach and bars, mine included.

The bikini bottoms was never a thing.

We never wore "tasteful" themed outfits or tshirts either 😂. Just a great excuse to spend a weekend with friends on each occasion.

Hen dos can be brilliant. They are a bit like "ladies day" at the races. Not everyone has their own interpretation of the event.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 22/05/2025 15:21

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 15:18

I have been to a few sunny long weekends hen dos involving beach and bars, mine included.

The bikini bottoms was never a thing.

We never wore "tasteful" themed outfits or tshirts either 😂. Just a great excuse to spend a weekend with friends on each occasion.

Hen dos can be brilliant. They are a bit like "ladies day" at the races. Not everyone has their own interpretation of the event.

Show quote history

I’m guessing it’s only the bad ones that make it on to here. Still, they’re enough to put me off for life …

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 15:21

I can see why she didn’t want the bikini bottoms photo but as for the rest, I would wonder if she was bitter about you getting married and others being happy if she’s unhappy herself. I mean, it wasn’t great that your friend cheated but it’s ultimately none of her business so I don’t know why she had to bring it up out loud several times instead of keeping her disapproval to herself. The rest about the standard of accommodation and food just seems petty.

I’d say she’s probably just sad/ miserable and the occasion has brought that to the fore for her. Not sure what I’d say, really. Maybe say you’re wondering if she’s okay as you all found her behaviour at the hen do a bit off? But try not to take it personally.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 22/05/2025 15:21

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 15:18

I have been to a few sunny long weekends hen dos involving beach and bars, mine included.

The bikini bottoms was never a thing.

We never wore "tasteful" themed outfits or tshirts either 😂. Just a great excuse to spend a weekend with friends on each occasion.

Hen dos can be brilliant. They are a bit like "ladies day" at the races. Not everyone has their own interpretation of the event.

Show quote history

This is what I want, a colour coordinated theme is my limit but as soon as fancy dress shenanigans are involved , then I'm out.

LogicalBlodge · 22/05/2025 15:22

How much did the hen do cost her?

I'm also kind of on her side. I'm not a huge fan of moaning but there's usually a trigger.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/05/2025 15:23

I just want to know what the ‘word’ was.

My imagination is running riot.

SplendidUtterly · 22/05/2025 15:23

What were you spelling out with the bikini bottoms?

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 15:24

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 15:16

A drunken fumble when you’re in a relationship isn’t great but it’s hardly a full blown affair is it, I wouldn’t go out of my way to make someone feel shit about it.

I wonder how the OP would feel if she found out that her fiance had had a "drunken fumble" 🤔 on his stag do? I'm sure she would be cool with that.

And as for the tiresome arse photo - no way would I be doing that. Maybe she agreed, then realised that the knickers were hideous, or too small for her?

jackstini · 22/05/2025 15:25

She was a bit of a pain moaning about the hotel and restaurant

whoever came up with the bikini bottoms idea is a bit of a twit. Incidentally, what was the word due to be spelled?

Your friend who cheated should feel uncomfortable, and I would be more pissed off at her for creating the awkward situation

overall it’s a bit 6 of one half a dozen of the other, and unless you want to end the friendship, I would leave it. The time to say anything has passed now

pimplebum · 22/05/2025 15:26

No way should you have pressured women into wearing a bikini for a bottom photo surely you know how inappropriate that is ? What a hideous idea

I’d not want to be on holiday with cheating friends however I’d not lecture them on that

the rest is bad manners on her part , the only thing you can do is move on from this , if you want to discuss do it face to face and start with an apology for the bikini photo and then ask if everything is ok?

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