Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

Yeah it comes with the territory really doesnt it! And everyone’s modesty would have been covered, they weren’t tiny or anything x

Do you not think this was inappropriate? I mean, you are getting married, would you like if this happened on your BF’s stag?

You seem more concerned about the fact that your friend was called out for a “drunken fumble” than the fact that she was unfaithful in the first place!

Well the point wasn’t missed. It’s tacky as fuck and you have managed to show that your attitudes with that post. Your friend was right to call out your other friend for a drunken fumble as it’s totally not acceptable behaviour.

Wow. Lovely bit of ageism towards your audience there OP.

Your arse may be pert now but unless you are genetically blessed, even without the ravages of kids, age will probably catch up. I just hope women then younger than you aren’t quite so nasty about it.

Of course, I’d not have done it personally but also knew my place to not lecture her at length the next day when she was no doubt feeling sorry for herself after a night drinking..

Moaning about the hotel and food is a bit dull but the rest? She just sounds different from you. I’d let it go and think that you’re just more different than you realised

I know plenty of women in that age group who would find it tacky as hell

Your comment about older women just shows what type of women you are.

But as long as it all looks good for the gram eh

The more you post the more I am on your friend’s side

Yeah that’s my point - we know when we are older it’s not something we’ll enjoy so I’m emphasising with many of the responses and seeing it from those perspectives x

Your other friend HAD A MAN IN HER BED????!!! I assumed you meant a bit of snogging and groping in a bar.

Disgusting behaviour. I would have been shocked, too.

Would you be at peace with the prospect of your husband-to-be indulging in a drunken fumble on his stag do, or indeed any other event then? Putrid behaviour that ought not to be justified by you and your morally bankrupt friends.

The point isn’t being ‘missed’, people just aren’t agreeing with you.

Perhaps it was classy like Nessa and Smithy in the bathroom?

Kindly op I think you feel upset because she’s shown that your hen night was a bit tacky. Maybe she should have held it in more but I think that’s what’s smarting you really (I don’t mind tacky tbh but it seems to have annoyed you)

From her perspective perhaps she thought she was going for a relaxing 4 star holiday and instead:

• there were attention seeking arse photos
• Sandra got fingerbanged behind her boyfriends back
• she was dragged to a restaurant where there was no real choice of food for her and she had to make do with something basic like chips. I'm envisioning you took a vegetarian to a steak night.

a drunken fumble, what a fucker. I see your friends point of view. And also not sticking arse cheeks out like an idiot, I also see her point of view.

I initially thought YANBU

But agree with above poster, bikini bottom shoot - tacky as tacky comes! Even when I was young and had a 'pert' bottom I'd never have done it. And, frankly, neither would any of my friends.

And the fact that one of the girls had a 'drunken fumble' on a hen do possibly shows the level of clientele you're keeping with.

So, OP @KelH93 I'm not sure how much of this is just sour grapes on your part due to your friend perhaps being slightly different to you all?

You are BU about the bikini bottoms and the cheating. Also your comment about middle aged women was unnecessary and mean.

Your friend was BU about the rest. I had a similar experience on my hen do, my friend yelled at me because she didn’t like goats cheese. She then didn’t show up to my actual wedding and we haven’t kept in touch since. Bit weird. Sometimes these events expose people in a less than nice way.

On balance you both sound unreasonable people.

Lots of people have the dignity not to love it in their late teens/early twenties, either.

I wouldn’t have cared about the fumbling friend…I’m not the moral police. For all in know perhaps, they’re swingers behind closed doors! It’s her relationship not mine. I wouldn’t have been on board with the photo shoot either. Thank goodness 6 of us just went for a curry on my hen night! These weeks/weekends/abroad hen nights and home hen nights hadn’t been invented when I got married.

But your friend obviously decided she didn’t enjoy it now, despite being your age.

It’s not an age thing, it’s because it’s tacky.

Wtf
Nothing like women pulling other women down is there

Has she always been a sourpuss or did you only discover this while away? Because if you knew, then you knew, and you should probably not have invited her along.

I'm mid 50's and I'd have no problem doing a bikini bottom photo. My arse is a peach.

You are sounding more delightful with every post.

How disgusting rude and judgemental. Im pleased she partially ruined your weekend.