Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I might be overly dwelling on this point, but how can someone who typed this
then claim to have not meant any offence? I would have expected women in their late 20s, early 30s to have a more mature and considered view on what is offensive.

I'm past middle age now and in my childhood and early teens have been known to refer to a perhaps 50 year old as "an old biddy" but that's probably a regional affect. And they were only an "old biddy" if they'd pulled you up on something or told you off. Considering middle aged people as "less than" by the time you've hit your 20s is careless and immature. Especially when your audience is mostly middle aged mothers. I mean, how dim can you get?

Maybe her misery was brought on by jealousy

Same old broken record.

Fine, I will take one for the team and ask

what was the message???

what was the message???

ARSES!

She sounds miserable and rotten jealous.

RIDEZILLA

RIDE 2 BE?

Maybe she hadn't shaved or was using pads OP? Many problems with a bikini bottom word spelling session. Would it have been ok for a friend or two to wear shorts under their bikini?

I'm more concerned that you just brush off "my friend had a drunken fumble" like it was nothing! If my partner said that to me I would honestly just get rid because I'd be thing if she thinks being abit tipsy is an excuse then we have no future.

Well I find hen dos pretentious anyway. A tacky mini holiday before the fairytale wedding (equally tacky but mostly pretentious). The bikini bottoms stunt is really just look at our arses for the likes. As I said earlier in the thread it's shallow. Then the OP comes out with the middle aged women comment, which confirms that shallowness. Not too bright really.

I wouldn't bring it up OP as she'll be defensive.

Totally get how she spoiled the vibe, bot like she didn't know they'd plans and was happy enough parading in a thong.

She may have been having a bad day/s.
If it's out of character, let it go.

My SIL spoiled my hen, but that's because she has main character syndrome and didn't think I'd ever get married.
Bringing it up would have been extended her main character need so I let it go, but have kept her at arms length since.

It's not really OP's business, is it? She doesn't know the ins and outs of her friend's relationship.

I love how everyone has jumped on the bikini bottoms bit!

I think this would have been a completely different response if there were no bums involved.

I think the awkward friend was a bit off for the weekend yes, fair enough if you don't like something, but it's for a friends do, then you put up with it.

It's a couple of nights in this hotel, then at restaurants you can usually order something to suit your needs from most places,.

The comments about the drunken fumble, yes maybe say your bit once but don't go on about it and then comments about your new married life, again you can have a joke but don't keep mentioning it.

I'm going to go against the grain, & say if she knew about the bikini bottoms photo beforehand she should have said then rather wait til the hen do.
No matter what your opinion of having a bikini bum photo, if that's a planned "thing" on the hen, it's not fair to spoil it for everyone else, including the hen. Presumably they could have planned around it if they knew they'd be a bum down...

Maybe she said a naive ok thinking to herself 'oh they'll be normal matching bikinis with Bride's name discreetly and tastefully logo'd on them', and then saw them in real life and they were garish barbie pink high-legs, rhinestoned with letters on the arses spelling out 'Hen Slappers on Tour'.

(Sorry if I've missed the actual message reveal.)

This was exactly my point: she knew about it in advance, so why not bring it up then if she was worried? And as for whether it was going to be discreet or not, she could've just asked. Or, TBH, she probably could've hazarded a guess as to how discreet it was going to be!

So descriptive 🤣 .

I thought we weren't calling women spoilsports for choosing when and how their bodies are to be photographed -if at all.

I was sympathetic up to the bikini bottom thing - how tacky! Would be a hard no from anyone with a few brain cells I reckon.

70s toy adverts were a con .X toy doing amazing things on TV .real life bugger all like it cue bitter disappointment 😞.

Hahaha wrong thread

What's the whole "parading in a thong" thing about? Surely she was just, you know, walking in it? And there's something icky about saying that because she wore a thong she should be willing to do a tacky photoshoot focused on arses.

Just leave it ... She spent s lot of money to come with you. She didn't like one of the restaurants it's difficult to please everyone. No way would my arse be in a photo ...
She had morals , your friend shouldn't have had a drunken fumble while in a relationship.
Ignore and move on or ruin a perfectly good friendship. Your choice