Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

The thing is when you had more than 50:50 his income was less.

If youd gone through CMS then you might have gotten it, but it would be less anyway.

And im assuming youd rather the current set up where your children benefit from 2 present parents than the cash?

Even now hes trying to avoid this. Id definitely go back and ask what his suggestion is so I knew before I decided

He has now opened a CMS case against me for the child he receives the benefit for but emailed saying he doesn’t want any money it’s just so I can’t open another one against him 😐, he’s also trying to get the second child removed from the case by repeatedly raising it with the CMS… I’m getting many emails and challenges a day. It’s beyond amicability now.

I’m not sure what to do if the CMS orders I pay him money back for all these months I’ve claimed it, surely it’s CMS responsibility as they’ve told me I’m primary carer many many times up until recently where they’ve started changing their tune.

If that’s the decision made then you’ll be paying it back, simple as that.

How is that fair though when they’ve told me I have a legitimate claim, they’ve awarded me this money and told me many times I’m the primary carer?

An excellent example of Karma.

But how is it fair to him that he was paying when you were, in fact, equal carers?

For the love of goodness. Go to meditation, make a private arrangement with ex and stop all the messing about

Just call him! He has sensibly opened a reverse CMS claim to stop that route for you. Call him, agree that neither of you will pursue a CMS claim against the other, agree that you will both write to the CMS and say it is resolved, then just manage on one lot of CB and no CMS, but him having them equal time and being reasonable about paying for health insurance, trips etc.

Not according to the CMS initially. When I opened the case they tolD me I was the primary carer based on getting child benefit and the kids registrations with me.

Join the real world OP, you knew you weren’t primary carer, you just wanted the £££. You’ve now been formally corrected, you should have to pay every penny of it back because you should never have received it in the first place.

Why should he be out of pocket? It’s money you shouldn’t have had and therefore don’t get to keep.

My claim for the second child is still live with the CMS and he’s still paying from his wages.

For God's sake, why are you not listening?!

You've been told over and over again to drop this silly nonsense and apologise to your ex but you are hell bent on making this situation as bad as you possibly can for everyone involved.

He’s not prepared to be amicable anymore and neither am I. He opened a CMS case against me and said it’s as protection and it’s all going through official channels like court, DWP from now on.

For now, until his next challenge is upheld which it likely will be. You’re only adding to the bill of what you’ll end up owing him back.

Yes, I know that’s what they told you, but can you please understand that they were mistaken and that therefore your ex has paid money that he didn’t have to pay, which was unfair to him.

All you have to do is close your CMS claim.

You’re the one who destroyed any potential of this remaining amicable by seeing ££££

I never want to read the words "primary carer" again. Jesus fucking Christ.

They told you that you were the primary carer because that's what you told them. But that wasn't true then and it remains not true now, it just took CMS a while to catch up with reality rather than believing the lies you told them.

What do you think is going to change?

Do you think CMS and DWP are going to stop and say, "Oh, actually, we didn't realise you filled in more forms than him, here's both CBs back and you can keep the maintenance"?

They have decided. You are 50/50. You are going to have to pay the money back. What are you going to gain by taking this through official channels? It's been through the official channels. Court isn't going to save you.

I'm SO glad I don't know you in real life, you are absolutely exhausting. I dread to think what your ex has put up with before this latest stunt. Honestly, he needs either a sainthood or his head read for ever having kids with in the first place.

But you knew yourself that it was 50/50!

If I told you you were 7ft tall would you accept that knowing it to be untrue.

Yes 50/50, but the CMS own website states that there is money still due even if it’s 50/50 unless care is exactly equal, and I don’t think it is exactly equal because I do more of the admin and when I explained this to CMS they agreed and said I was entitled. For them to now expect me to pay it back is unreasonable as it was them who agreed with me that I should be getting the money.

The fact your ex has rang you saying he has opened a claim but doesnt want the money tells me he IS being amicable with you. He just wants you to pack it in!

also, a LOT of people on MN and this thread say that 50/50 means no maintenance either way… but I dispute that. My ex earns £170k a year and despite us being 50/50, he still gives me maintenance according to what’s suggested having put in all accurate info on the CM calculator. I think it’s because of a huge difference in our earnings and wanting to keep things as similar as possible in both homes for the children.

This isn’t true though, you told them you were primary carer, and now your ex is proving that you are not. They took your word for it and he is allowed to challenge it, and he will likely win

For them to now expect me to pay it back is unreasonable as it was them who agreed with me that I should be getting the money.

OK... so do you think that the CMS should be paying your ex back? Because the CMS don't have money with which they can do that.

I do agree with you that it is a bit unreasonable, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. If HMRC make a mistake assessing tax, then ask you to correct it later, they may give you time to do so but they don't just say "oh well, never mind, we will cover it"

'Doing admin' doesn't come into the equation. Exactly equal means the amount of time spent at each house which was 50/50.

'For them to now expect me to pay it back is unreasonable as it was them who agreed with me that I should be getting the money.' No, you were unreasonable for claiming off your ex when you knew it was 50/50. You are also unreasonable for blaming CMS for the advice they gave you when you are the one who bullshitted them into thinking it was not 50/50 in the first place.

You need to pick up the phone and resolve it without CMS or you will be paying your ex back.