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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

665 replies

ProlongedAffair · 22/05/2025 14:44

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Page 31 | Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! | Mumsnet

Me and my ex share 50/50 of our two children, it’s not court ordered but has been in place for the past few years. A few months ago I put in a claim f...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 17:27

My ex is not going to be amicable. his last email after ignoring me for months stated
he was claiming against me for protection and he was ‘withdrawing all previous offers, this can now be resolved via court and DWP.’

OP posts:
JustforAlice · 25/07/2025 17:32

Good for him. You have shown your true money grabbing colours and he has reacted to protect himself. FAFO in action.

Mrsttcno1 · 25/07/2025 17:33

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 17:27

My ex is not going to be amicable. his last email after ignoring me for months stated
he was claiming against me for protection and he was ‘withdrawing all previous offers, this can now be resolved via court and DWP.’

Good for him. You want to know why he’s been forced to do that? Take a good long look at your own behaviour.

ARichtGoodDram · 25/07/2025 17:38

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 17:27

My ex is not going to be amicable. his last email after ignoring me for months stated
he was claiming against me for protection and he was ‘withdrawing all previous offers, this can now be resolved via court and DWP.’

That's hardly surprising given your attitude toward him at various points in this process.

You had umpteen chances to end the stupidity and sort it amicably and didn't.

Fairyforest · 25/07/2025 17:48

Your greed seems to have overtaken any sensible thought process. You reap what you sow, and I don’t blame your ex at all. I wouldn’t give you a penny now either if I was him.

ShesTheAlbatross · 25/07/2025 18:04

OP have you read many other MN threads about child maintenance? Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a unanimous view that the man is being reasonable and shouldn’t pay?? I once saw a thread, started by a man who had just got full custody, where posters were genuinely arguing he should still pay maintenance to help his ex “get her life back on track”, and that even if he didn’t pay maintenance he’d be an absolute scumbag to consider claiming it against her. That wasn’t the majority view, but it was there.

The fact you have a unanimous opinion on MN that you are unreasonable to go after this, and highly unlikely to get what you want, should show you something.

nocoolnamesleft · 25/07/2025 18:36

You know, if you'd just accepted that care was 50:50 and not gone off on one, you'd still be getting £300 per month and both child benefits. You've really shot yourself in the foot.

AuntyDepressant · 25/07/2025 18:41

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 17:27

My ex is not going to be amicable. his last email after ignoring me for months stated
he was claiming against me for protection and he was ‘withdrawing all previous offers, this can now be resolved via court and DWP.’

Well what do you want us to say? it's not like you weren't warned what would happen.

AuntyDepressant · 25/07/2025 18:43

Wait for it.....'will the court consider me the main carer?' 😂

StresHed · 25/07/2025 19:07

The court is not really going to be interested in what happened months or years ago, they will only want to know what’s happened since the date of your claim.

I think a good starting point would be to start at the date of the claim of CMS. You are going to waste your own and court time trying to argue about your primary carer role before the CMS claim. They don’t care about this you must drop it.

Lots of people have tried to help you understand that the CMS website doesn’t have any nuances, so what happened is that they allowed you in good faith to make a claim based on information you provided to them that you did more care and had more responsibility than he does, plus you didn’t know his earnings. They made a claim based on what you said, and he made a counter claim based on his view.

The concern is that you may have given them fraudulent information.. he doesn’t agree with you as he can prove he had your kids MORE, which you have admitted to so your ex was given his own opportunity to counter claim against the untruth that you claim to be the primary carer. It’s his right to do that, and when he did win the child benefit this is pretty clear cut.

The case is going to be expecting you to prove you are primary carer, but your proof is very flimsy and easily disputed and you have very little chance of winning. He had them more nights than you and the admin seems negligible. This is why people are suggesting you call a truce and end this now because you could actually get into more debt and issues fighting him is that what you want?

you need legal rep it’s very obvious you don’t have any

Canonlythinkofthisone · 25/07/2025 19:20

Diddums

steff13 · 25/07/2025 19:27

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 17:27

My ex is not going to be amicable. his last email after ignoring me for months stated
he was claiming against me for protection and he was ‘withdrawing all previous offers, this can now be resolved via court and DWP.’

You said on June 29th that he emailed you and told you that you could come to an amicable agreement and if you didn't then he would be filing a counterclaim. That was less than one month ago. And several people, including possibly me, told you that you should take that offer. Sounds like you didn't, is that right?

PeloMom · 25/07/2025 19:55

@ProlongedAffair and yet you’re still in fantasyland and refuse to take accountability for everything that’s happened so far. People warned you and you thought you knew better.

InterIgnis · 25/07/2025 20:17

You’re right that it wasn’t 50/50, because he actually had/has them more than you do.

You will be liable to pay him back what he has overpaid. If you refuse he can legally enforce the judgement (a CCJ against you, and the debt can be recovered through an attachment of earnings, for example, or through bailiffs). Whining that ‘it’s not fair’ will get you nowhere, although I doubt you’ll ever manage to get your head around that given you’ve ignored every piece of good advice, that if taken would have prevented this, you’ve received so far.

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 20:21

steff13 · 25/07/2025 19:27

You said on June 29th that he emailed you and told you that you could come to an amicable agreement and if you didn't then he would be filing a counterclaim. That was less than one month ago. And several people, including possibly me, told you that you should take that offer. Sounds like you didn't, is that right?

I think he should transfer the child benefit back to me or give me the money I’m missing out on (that he can’t receive), but he refused my offer and said court and DWP can decide, he won’t be discussing it with me further.

OP posts:
RelaxedOddish · 25/07/2025 20:23

InterIgnis · 25/07/2025 20:17

You’re right that it wasn’t 50/50, because he actually had/has them more than you do.

You will be liable to pay him back what he has overpaid. If you refuse he can legally enforce the judgement (a CCJ against you, and the debt can be recovered through an attachment of earnings, for example, or through bailiffs). Whining that ‘it’s not fair’ will get you nowhere, although I doubt you’ll ever manage to get your head around that given you’ve ignored every piece of good advice, that if taken would have prevented this, you’ve received so far.

To add to this op, if he has the kids slightly more than 50%, he could possibly claim against you to pay him child support.

So before you decide to go to court because CMS said you were once Primary parent... Maybe consider all the possibilities of losing... Again

InterIgnis · 25/07/2025 20:24

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 20:21

I think he should transfer the child benefit back to me or give me the money I’m missing out on (that he can’t receive), but he refused my offer and said court and DWP can decide, he won’t be discussing it with me further.

You think a lot of things. Unfortunately, few of these things seem to coincide with reality.

Laura95167 · 25/07/2025 20:28

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 20:21

I think he should transfer the child benefit back to me or give me the money I’m missing out on (that he can’t receive), but he refused my offer and said court and DWP can decide, he won’t be discussing it with me further.

The thing is... it sounds like for him it was never about the money

SheilaFentiman · 25/07/2025 20:30

But if he reassigned the CB to you, so you had it for both kids, he would lay himself open to the cycle of you claiming CM again for both kids. So why would he?

ETA neither of you are getting the second CB, because of your actions, so why would he put himself out of pocket by paying an equivalent amount to you.

InterIgnis · 25/07/2025 20:41

This entire saga.

Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2
NWL · 25/07/2025 20:53

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 13:32

Surely the CMS have a compensation pot for mistakes they can pay him back from that.

Ok, this is where you went too far. This post makes me think you are playing with us now.

MoFadaCromulent · 25/07/2025 21:01

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 20:21

I think he should transfer the child benefit back to me or give me the money I’m missing out on (that he can’t receive), but he refused my offer and said court and DWP can decide, he won’t be discussing it with me further.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I can't see why he'd have any problems with putting the child benefit you used to grift him back in to your name.

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 21:12

I’m only coming back to update as I said I would, yes I realise this hasn’t gone my way, but I’ve been mislead by the CMS. Of course I’m going to believe them over mums net posts.

OP posts:
StresHed · 25/07/2025 21:23

They haven’t misled you but have you had any legal advice? Even a free half an hour? At all? Or just what you have read online?

ProlongedAffair · 25/07/2025 21:27

StresHed · 25/07/2025 21:23

They haven’t misled you but have you had any legal advice? Even a free half an hour? At all? Or just what you have read online?

No. If you made an application for maintenance, and when you spoke to them and explained you were 50/50 but got the benefits and did more admin and registrations (which is true) and CMS said you were owed money, you would believe them over online mumsnet posts. Be honest. There have been people on here that have said that if CMS has awarded me then it must be correct. If it’s now not correct then CMS is partly and tbh mainly responsible so why should I now have to pay money back if my ex is indeed owed money.

OP posts: