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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really embarrassed haha!!

424 replies

BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:23

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just have to get it out and can’t tell anyone in real life. A friend - someone I thought was a best friend - is getting married. We’re a big group of girls, there’s 12 of us in total. I “joined” the group later via 2 of the girls I’m friends with and have always a bit of a second tier friend, which I’m totally fine with - I don’t have the shared history they have etc. but I thought her and I were very close, considering some of the things she’s told me, what I thought was the depth our friendship, the fun we have etc. Said girly is getting married and whilst I didn’t have any delusions about being a bridesmaid or anything… I’m not actually invited to the wedding. I’ve been invited on the abroad hen do, all us are going, and I thought none of us had wedding invitations yet (it’s in 2027 so a good while off) but then they all posted on insta stories/talked in our group chat about the gorgeous invites. Got excited - thank God I didn’t say anything hahaha - and then saw her for coffee this week with another of the girls. She gave the other girl her invite (very discretely I was still in my car) and then I never got one. I’m not invited. There’s been no meanness or change and I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s her day but I’M SO EMBARRASSED hahaha I keep randomly laughing to myself about what a tit I feel. I feel a bit sad but hey, her wedding, but whyyyyy do I feel so spine tinglingly humiliated 😂I invited her to my daughters christening next month and I thought she looked a bit bemused when I said close family and friends. AIBU to be so embarrassed at how wrongly I’ve read this friendship 😂 I’m 33 not 13!

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 21/05/2025 19:25

oh dont feel embarrassed
have you booked the hen party
seems bad
very early to be sending out invitations isnt it?

ObliviousCoalmine · 21/05/2025 19:26

You’re invited to the hen, an abroad one nonetheless, and not invited to the wedding? I’d be thinking long and hard if I wanted to drop foreign holiday money on a woman who doesn’t think I cut the mustard to come to the wedding day, but I’m good for a hen. Madness.

BakelikeBertha · 21/05/2025 19:27

ObliviousCoalmine · 21/05/2025 19:26

You’re invited to the hen, an abroad one nonetheless, and not invited to the wedding? I’d be thinking long and hard if I wanted to drop foreign holiday money on a woman who doesn’t think I cut the mustard to come to the wedding day, but I’m good for a hen. Madness.

This!

Daisy12Maisie · 21/05/2025 19:27

I think you have exactly the right attitude. You haven’t known her as long so that’s why you are not invited. No hidden agenda. I don’t think you have done anything embarrassing. You have invited her to the christening and she has invited you to the hen do.
I agree you can’t talk to you friends about it. I would just ignore any references in the group chat about the wedding. If anyone asks you or talks as if you are going to the wedding just say no I haven’t got an invite, I only met her in 2023 (or whenever), I’m looking forward to the hen do though. Then just start chatting about the hen do. Done.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 21/05/2025 19:29

Well now you know your worth spend the hen do money on yourself. She isn't a friend. You were invited to make her look popular..

Koazy · 21/05/2025 19:29

Don’t go on the hen and stop saying haha. It’s not funny. She’s a prick.

Pigsears · 21/05/2025 19:29

ObliviousCoalmine · 21/05/2025 19:26

You’re invited to the hen, an abroad one nonetheless, and not invited to the wedding? I’d be thinking long and hard if I wanted to drop foreign holiday money on a woman who doesn’t think I cut the mustard to come to the wedding day, but I’m good for a hen. Madness.

Yup 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 spot on.

BruFord · 21/05/2025 19:31

ObliviousCoalmine · 21/05/2025 19:26

You’re invited to the hen, an abroad one nonetheless, and not invited to the wedding? I’d be thinking long and hard if I wanted to drop foreign holiday money on a woman who doesn’t think I cut the mustard to come to the wedding day, but I’m good for a hen. Madness.

I agree with @ObliviousCoalmine, I’d think about whether you actually want to spend money going to the hen do. If you want to go and think it’ll be a good laugh, go; if it’s a financial stretch and/or you’re unsure whether it’ll be fun, don’t bother.

I think it’s pretty cheeky to invite you to a hen do abroad and not to her wedding.

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 19:31

Ooow op thats a bit hurtful to discover.
Is she a terminal oversharer so you thought she was bonding more than she thought?
Has she invited all other 11 and not you as that seems a bit harsh.
Tbh had similar in friendship group years ago. One person didn't invite me and my partner to their wedding (though they me to ours) and every one of our friendship group just assumed we were invited and then were totally bemused. Turns out the bride had a bit of a thing about me (I wouldn't take her drunken nasty bullshit on nights out and then pretend the next day she hadn't been a total cow the night before).

Original poster
BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:32

Daisy12Maisie · 21/05/2025 19:27

I think you have exactly the right attitude. You haven’t known her as long so that’s why you are not invited. No hidden agenda. I don’t think you have done anything embarrassing. You have invited her to the christening and she has invited you to the hen do.
I agree you can’t talk to you friends about it. I would just ignore any references in the group chat about the wedding. If anyone asks you or talks as if you are going to the wedding just say no I haven’t got an invite, I only met her in 2023 (or whenever), I’m looking forward to the hen do though. Then just start chatting about the hen do. Done.

This was exactly the plan I had in my head, just be super bright and breezy about it 😂

OP posts:
DeedlessIndeed · 21/05/2025 19:33

Are you sure the invite hadn't got lost in the post?

Really OP, the cheek of being invited to an overseas hen do (which usually includes paying a percentage of brides costs) with out going to the actual wedding?! What a weaseling thing to do!

Original poster
BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:35

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 19:31

Ooow op thats a bit hurtful to discover.
Is she a terminal oversharer so you thought she was bonding more than she thought?
Has she invited all other 11 and not you as that seems a bit harsh.
Tbh had similar in friendship group years ago. One person didn't invite me and my partner to their wedding (though they me to ours) and every one of our friendship group just assumed we were invited and then were totally bemused. Turns out the bride had a bit of a thing about me (I wouldn't take her drunken nasty bullshit on nights out and then pretend the next day she hadn't been a total cow the night before).

I hadn’t considered this re oversharing but you make a v good point!

OP posts:
ScrewedByFunding · 21/05/2025 19:36

Blimey where's your self respect? Are you going to bumble along like it doesn't matter and you don't care? You do care and it does matter.

PopThatBench · 21/05/2025 19:36

If you’re not making the cut for the wedding… are you being invited to the abroad Hen Do to spread the costs?
If so, that’s shockingly bitchy behaviour from the bride.
She can invite/not invite whoever she likes to her wedding but to invite you to a Hen Do abroad and not the wedding is kinda sus.
I’d say no to the Hen Do, I’m not helping anybody spread costs 😂

Vaxtable · 21/05/2025 19:36

I would t spend any money on the hen do, it’s going to be tough as they will be discussing the wedding and you won’t be going

Original poster
BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:37

Koazy · 21/05/2025 19:29

Don’t go on the hen and stop saying haha. It’s not funny. She’s a prick.

I think the haha-ing is me laughing at my own embarrassment than actually finding the situation funny 😂

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 21/05/2025 19:38

Does she know you're going on the hen do or was that organised by a bridesmaid who assumed you were invited?
I can't comprehend inviting you to an expensive abroad hen do but not the wedding! I'd be furious!

BruFord · 21/05/2025 19:39

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 21/05/2025 19:38

Does she know you're going on the hen do or was that organised by a bridesmaid who assumed you were invited?
I can't comprehend inviting you to an expensive abroad hen do but not the wedding! I'd be furious!

Good point @HighLadyofTheNightCourt , the organizer may have no idea that the OP isn’t invited to the wedding.

Mountainfrog · 21/05/2025 19:39

I wouldn’t go to a hen do for a wedding I wasn’t invited to

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 19:39

I wouldn't go on the hen do.

Presumably you haven't booked anything yet if she's not getting married for another two years?

mixedcereal · 21/05/2025 19:40

So you make the cut enough to be asked to spend £’00s on an abroad hen do of your own money…but you don’t make the cut of the bride to invite you to the wedding.

it’s absolutely not you who should feel embarrassed here!

no way in hell I’d be going to the hen do..!

Original poster
BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:40

ScrewedByFunding · 21/05/2025 19:36

Blimey where's your self respect? Are you going to bumble along like it doesn't matter and you don't care? You do care and it does matter.

I absolutely do have self respect - implying I don’t based on one situation I’m raising is unfair. Your comment is kind to say I matter, but there’s no need to ask where my self respect is? It’s evidently a situation I feel awkward and a little upset about. Hence why I’m asking a bunch of kind strangers for advice!

OP posts:
Indigopetal · 21/05/2025 19:41

ObliviousCoalmine · 21/05/2025 19:26

You’re invited to the hen, an abroad one nonetheless, and not invited to the wedding? I’d be thinking long and hard if I wanted to drop foreign holiday money on a woman who doesn’t think I cut the mustard to come to the wedding day, but I’m good for a hen. Madness.

Absolutely this. If you're invited to the hen do then I can't see why you're not invited to the wedding. I'd be feeling really hurt no matter how long you've known her. Very poor form on her part.

User79853257976 · 21/05/2025 19:43

I hope you won’t be wasting your money on that hen do now?

Original poster
BecFlowers · 21/05/2025 19:43

Thank you everyone for your advice and replies and to be honest - after these comments, I am wondering whether I do can attending the (expensive) hen do. I haven’t paid anything as of yet and it’s still very much in the planning stage, so now would be a very easy time to bow out gracefully, which I actually think I might do… think you all might be right on that one, frankly!

OP posts: