To feel really embarrassed haha!!

[BecFlowers]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just have to get it out and can’t tell anyone in real life. A friend - someone I thought was a best friend - is getting married. We’re a big group of girls, there’s 12 of us in total. I “joined” the group later via 2 of the girls I’m friends with and have always a bit of a second tier friend, which I’m totally fine with - I don’t have the shared history they have etc. but I thought her and I were very close, considering some of the things she’s told me, what I thought was the depth our friendship, the fun we have etc. Said girly is getting married and whilst I didn’t have any delusions about being a bridesmaid or anything… I’m not actually invited to the wedding. I’ve been invited on the abroad hen do, all us are going, and I thought none of us had wedding invitations yet (it’s in 2027 so a good while off) but then they all posted on insta stories/talked in our group chat about the gorgeous invites. Got excited - thank God I didn’t say anything hahaha - and then saw her for coffee this week with another of the girls. She gave the other girl her invite (very discretely I was still in my car) and then I never got one. I’m not invited. There’s been no meanness or change and I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s her day but I’M SO EMBARRASSED hahaha I keep randomly laughing to myself about what a tit I feel. I feel a bit sad but hey, her wedding, but whyyyyy do I feel so spine tinglingly humiliated 😂I invited her to my daughters christening next month and I thought she looked a bit bemused when I said close family and friends. AIBU to be so embarrassed at how wrongly I’ve read this friendship 😂 I’m 33 not 13!

Yeah, organised by bride xx

It’s a massive faux pas to invite someone to the hen do but not the wedding (unless a very good reason) so it’s not for you to be embarrassed. I wouldn’t be surprised if a very late invite comes your way nearer the time. I’d just ignore it tbh and no I wouldn’t be going to the bloody hen do

She’s a dick! There’s no way I’d pay to go on her hen do.

Good - bow out now. Imagine being there to reduce costs and even contribute to the bride’s share. No way!

There's no way I would be going on that hen do. Imagine how awkward you will feel when everyone is excitedly talking about outfits/arrangements etc for the wedding. Honestly, save your money and spend it on something nice for you and your family.

I wouldn’t be going to the hen do. Not only will that be very expensive it will literally be a full weekend dedicated to a wedding you aren’t invited too. Surely it’ll be awkward when you can’t join in the convo?

It's maybe just me, but I'd go on foreign fun hen do and skip the boring wedding bit any day 😎

Who organised the hen. Does the bride know you are invited to the hen? Has she seen the hen list?
I’ve never known of someone to be invited to the hen or stag and not be invited to the wedding. It’s the wrong way around. Closest friend are typically invited to the hen whereas a bigger group is invited to the wedding. Something is amiss

She's given out invitations for a wedding that's in 2027 already?

That's erm forward thinking.

She has invited you to an event where you have to spend money on her ( and make her look popular and shriek and fawn over her)

But she hasn't invited you to the event where she would be spending money on your meal.

I think you shouldn't go UNLESS you really want to join in, but then I would say to the others that you aren't contributing to brides share as you are not a wedding guest. Though probs easier just to bow out completely

I’m sorry to hear you have shit friends. They see some people as good enough to pad out her hen photos and ego but not good enough to attend their wedding.

I would not be attending the hen do and I wouldn’t be sending a card or gift.

Are they actual wedding invites or Save the Day notices? Far too early for invites. I probably wouldn't go to the hen unless it's something you really want to do. You'll be paying extra for the bride and they always work out dearer than initially planned.

Yes, it’s been organised by her. I’d agree normally, but think maybe her approach to hen is slightly different, I know a few people she works with have been invited that aren’t invited to her wedding - conversation from a few weeks ago x

Definitely bow out from the abroad hen. I mean, you could ask her directly why she wants you at the hen but not the wedding... Not sure I'd have the guts myself!

It's a bloody cheek though. That hen is going to be full of wedding talk. I can recall a couple of friendship groups in the past where most were going to someone's wedding but a few of us weren't, and it's not a great feeling.

Could it be that those invites are actually "Be my bridesmaid" invites and the actual ones will go out later to guests? 2027 seems very early to be sending the actual invites out 🤔

Are you absolutely sure that you're the only one on the hen do not invited to the wedding?
I did once go on a hen do where I wasn't invited to the wedding - decades ago - a woman I worked with, & she invited all the women who worked there. It was only a do in a carvery though & it was just all the girls at work - I don't think any went to the wedding - giving her a good last night out as a singleton... not sure I'd spend out on a trip abroad.
I totally understand why you feel weird about it - I'm not sure I'd go in you situation.

How big is the hen and how big is the wedding? I think the bride sounds clueless - and I would usually say you don't have to follow traditional wedding 'rules' if you don't want to.

I deff don’t have the guts I’m a right wimp 😂

In that case, I def. wouldn’t be going, what a cheek!

Unless it’s somewhere that you particularly want to go!

If she looked bemused about the close friends at the christening comment then what the hell is she doing inviting you to her hen do abroad? To look popular I would guess.

Do not go to the hen. She is unbelievably rude to expect you to pay out for an expensive abroad hen do (which will no doubt include covering some of her share of dinner and drinks as she is the bride) when you’re not even invited to the wedding. That’s just not something you do. You don’t ask people to spend money on a wedding activity and then leave them out of the wedding.

Don’t go. Send her a polite simple message saying you think it would be inappropriate for you to attend the hen do, and have all that expense, when you’re not actually invited to the wedding. Wish her well with it and leave it there.

Could be - it’s a huge party vibe and I suppose you don’t necessarily need to feel close to people to have a massive party weekend with them all do you? If that makes sense x

Yeah, organised by bride xx.

The cheek of her! Outrageous 😳

Do your closer friends know about this? If you were my friend I would be asking the bride what was going on. Don't feel embarrassed, of course you would assume you were invited if you had been invited to an abroad hen why on earth wouldn't you?

Oh that’s horrible to give the others an invite and not you. It smacks of primary school birthday party drama.
skip the hen do, spend the money doing something with actual friends.