To feel really embarrassed haha!!

[BecFlowers]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just have to get it out and can’t tell anyone in real life. A friend - someone I thought was a best friend - is getting married. We’re a big group of girls, there’s 12 of us in total. I “joined” the group later via 2 of the girls I’m friends with and have always a bit of a second tier friend, which I’m totally fine with - I don’t have the shared history they have etc. but I thought her and I were very close, considering some of the things she’s told me, what I thought was the depth our friendship, the fun we have etc. Said girly is getting married and whilst I didn’t have any delusions about being a bridesmaid or anything… I’m not actually invited to the wedding. I’ve been invited on the abroad hen do, all us are going, and I thought none of us had wedding invitations yet (it’s in 2027 so a good while off) but then they all posted on insta stories/talked in our group chat about the gorgeous invites. Got excited - thank God I didn’t say anything hahaha - and then saw her for coffee this week with another of the girls. She gave the other girl her invite (very discretely I was still in my car) and then I never got one. I’m not invited. There’s been no meanness or change and I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s her day but I’M SO EMBARRASSED hahaha I keep randomly laughing to myself about what a tit I feel. I feel a bit sad but hey, her wedding, but whyyyyy do I feel so spine tinglingly humiliated 😂I invited her to my daughters christening next month and I thought she looked a bit bemused when I said close family and friends. AIBU to be so embarrassed at how wrongly I’ve read this friendship 😂 I’m 33 not 13!

Yes - all going. Only me with a child xx

Glad you're getting some supportive messages from group members.

The exclusion is definitely harsh ... I'm embarrassed for her and hope others withdraw too from the hen do because the bride to be certainly does have a nasty side if she expects anyone to pay thousands for her hen do to then be excluded from the wedding.

How fucking rude.
She doesn’t come out of this looking good - eyebrows will be raised.
Decline the hen with dignity and spend the ‘couple of grand (who asks that of their friends on a hen ffs)’ on a bloody good holiday for you.

Send a reply as if you did receive an invitation saying that ala you cannot go but hope they have a lovely day. Unfortunately you can’t make the hen do either.

I agree with this. The gossips are still going to attend so their faux disappointment is just that. Best not to get embroiled.

This.
Such bad form to invite people to an indulgent hen holiday and not invite them to the wedding.

Bless you. You're handling this really well and with grace. Good for you. ❤️

At least you now know bride friend much better and can keep her at arms length going forward

I think you should avoid the hen do as it might be a bit weird and upsetting for you. They will obviously be talking, a lot, about the wedding, and it seems really wrong that you having to listen to that when people will know you’re not invited. I’m sorry OP, but in the nicest possible way- I think THAT will be humiliating. I think she might have used you a bit to get the hen do cost down. I wonder if any other hens are not invited. Save the money and spend it on you, not her.

Ah. Perhaps it's a child free wedding? Terrible way to handle it if this is the reason, but could explain it?

I agree and disagree - expecting them to boycott her wedding because I’m not invited is not a realistic or fair expectation. They can be cross at my exclusion but still attend their friends wedding. They’ve known her 15 years in some cases x

No need to be embarrassed, she doesn’t sound very pleasant, I’m also getting mean girl vibes. Don’t get sucked into any drama. Your text is perfectly fine. Could you add a line saying you’ve also had to change your christening guest numbers and unfortunately she can no longer come? Really sorry kiss kiss. It’s your special day and I can’t help but think her presence may cause some anxiety or even ruin the day. You sound very sweet but sometimes you have to put yourself first. And bridezilla didn’t consider your feelings!

Your text is remarkably restrained but quite classy.
See how the friend's birthday "do" you mention goes, then if necessary you could send another message uninviting her from the Christening.

Your message is way too nice. You both know she's been a dick so it makes you sound fake. Just ignore it all for a while and when you're asked about hen plans, say 'well of course I'm not coming, I'm not invited to the wedding'. Straight to the point.

Thankfully, she’s working so I can avoid that nice and easily! xx

Rude! Happy for you to cover brides hen costs but not give you a place at the wedding.
You have children, save your money for holidays with them.

I agreed to go to a hen once and we found out later we only had night invites. Backfired on the bride though as the atmosphere was awful and everyone left early. She was furious. Still wish I hadn’t spent the money though.

Sorry, it’s just not me - too confrontational for me and there’s no point me pretending I’d ever have the bollocks to say something like that. I don’t think it makes me sound fake, I think it’s just bowing out and drawing a line x

Hope some of them told her she was out of order. Never nice to feel like this. You’ve behaved with dignity.

Also whole heartedly agree with PPS here ..
Absolute cheek, no way would I go on the Hen , I’m sorry, but I’d leave the group chat altogether..
It’s just going to be non stop chat about the wedding, you’ll just end up upset ..
Is everyone on friend group chat asked except you ?
if answer to that is yes ..
Cmon in all fairness and also btw it’s mean of her , don’t care what anyone says x

if anyone else from the group is left out - say the other one who has known her less time I would be cool about it (a bit pissed off and left out but ok). If it is just you, she is not your friend.

And trying to hide giving an invitation to another girl shows she knows she being a mean bitch.

You're not sounding like you're laughing OP - you sound a little hurt as well as embarrassed. I would feel the same. But I think you're right to rationalise it as being because she hasn't known you as long as the others. Wedding numbers are usually limited 'cos of the ££, whereas of course people pay for themselves for hen-dos. But I do think its a bit inconsiderate of her to invite you to the hen and not the wedding without saying anything to you.....
You need to be honest with yourself about your feelings then decide your course of action and maybe have a word with her

I’d see it as a great result. A fun holiday without the expense of having to go to the wedding. I’d be made up tbh.

Just wanted to jump on to say you sound like a lovely person OP ❤️

I agree

This is so nice of you 🥹♥️ clearly you are too!!!!!