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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renting my property to husband’s ex

231 replies

literati · 21/05/2025 01:47

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
Frostynoman · 21/05/2025 01:55

My knee jerk to the title was ‘no, absolutely not’.

It’s a tough situation for the ex but ultimately I wouldn’t get entangled in this - your husband will be caught in the middle and it’s all very enmeshed. I don’t see it fair for him to ask you to subsidise / financially support (in part) his ex.

Original poster
literati · 21/05/2025 02:05

The issue for me isn’t really about the loss of rental income for me, I am very financially fortunate with a well paying career and owning properties through inheritance. It’s more what if I need to sell the house at some point in the future how could I kick them out? I have the ability to help but if I do will this come back to bite me? You know what they say about good intentions..

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 21/05/2025 02:22

Entangling family or an ex's family with your financial doings is a recipe for falling out in future. You seem to have such a good arrangement, with everyone getting on so well, it would be huge risk to all that wellbeing. Decline by convincing DH and his ex that you value the relationships too much to mix family and business. Maybe you could help in other ways to find somewhere for them.

Ellephanting · 21/05/2025 02:23

With the changes coming in for rental properties, you won’t be able to kick anyone out. I’ve just sold my rental property, as the laws to protect tenants has made being a landlord untenable.

Caligirl80 · 21/05/2025 02:38

Oh Hell No. NEVER in a million years. Nope. Nada. Forget about it - etc etc etc. That is MADNESS.

It's your separate property, as is any income generated from that property. Your husband should respect that and not be telling you what to do with it. It's no different than if he had been left his parent's house prior to marrying you and was renting it out: can you imagine how he would feel if one of your ex boyfriends wanted to move in and pay less rent? That would be nonsensical.

Plus, of course, that woman could be a crappy tenant, not pay her rent, and you'd be stuck trying to evict her - which is a headache you do not want.

If your husband wants to be daft and pay her an extra £200 per month (out of your community property btw, so you are actually paying £100 of it!!) when he doesn't have to then so be it. But there's no way he should be expecting you to give up your separate - none marital - property, together with the earnings from it - just so his ex can have a place to live. If he wanted to stay married to her then that's what he should have done - but forcing you to be a provider for this woman is absolutely ridiculous.

If I were you I would be very wary indeed here: make sure your separate rental money from your property is going into its own bank account and isn't comingled with any joint bank accounts etc that you may have with your husband.
You don't have to be mean or unpleasant in saying no (though I would certainly react with some degree of shock at having been put in that weird position!) just say absolutely not, no. The whole point of him getting divorced was to have as few ties to this woman as possible: it would be ludicrous for him to expect you to not only have her tied to your separate property, but for you to be losing earnings from that property in the process.

Fantailsflitting · 21/05/2025 02:41

No, I wouldn't be subsidising his ex wife. Even if it was at market rental. I just wouldnt get entangled like this. Your husband earns quite well you say. Perhaps he can give her more money - you know his exwife, his children etc.

Waterweight · 21/05/2025 03:02

Obvs. You might regret it + this is the issue with being over generous he could have put that £200 a week while he had joint care into savings for the kids incase something like this happened & helped his own ex out with a lump sum in an emergency but instead is relying on you to commit to a permanent reduction of income

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2025 03:07

That would be a no from me. He expects you to lose money on your rental to house his ex. He pays child support, the ex works, and now he expects you to house her in your income property?

This reminds me a bit of the recent thread where the ex asked the poster's husband if he would be her guarantor, only this is putting up OP's own property for the ex's open ended use and OP is supposed to eat the financial loss and worry about getting use of her property if she needs it or the ex not being able to pay rent or causing damage or just hanging onto it forever.

I think this is a wildly unreasonable ask.

Flossflower · 21/05/2025 03:11

No don’t do this. Most people seem to hate their landlords. It will put a big strain on your relationship with your husband. If the ex wife wants something doing on the property she will be pestering you. You need to have a professional relationship with ant tenant.
You should not be subsidising the ex wife. If your husband wants to he can give her extra money.

3LemonsAndLime · 21/05/2025 03:16

No. The high likelihood is there will be some issue - big or small - and it will cloud the good parenting relationship you have already achieved.

And the issue could be over anything, not just potential eviction if you want to sell. Late rent, inspections, the tenant breaking items you think shouldn’t have been broken, or you not replacing items she thinks are not up to scratch…. It would put you in a difficult position if she complains over carpet/bathroom/anything quality, that you think is fine, but she says not and may turn into your DH arguing with you that his children can’t live like that and you must replace it.

Add in the unknown nature of the end date, and how long are you supposed to take the financial hit of below market rent for? Just until the kids are 18? Or onwards, as ‘it will still be there home’. And what if she moves in a future partner? Or also has kids? And over occupies?

The potential for disaster is endless.

If your DH wants to help her, you could suggest he increases his CM payments temporarily. Or alternatively that he gift her a sum to assist with new bond and/or moving costs and first month’s rent. Or practical help to help her move or have the kids to stay for a week or two over the time she is moving. This would be far, far cheaper, and much less risky than renting to her for an unspecified amount of time.

Original poster
literati · 21/05/2025 03:21

Thank you all for your responses. Yes it’s the risk of souring our relationship with the ex and creating potential friction in our marriage that has me hesitating. I think the dynamic would be pretty shit for me and the ex with me being her landlord. The house is only in my name and the rental income goes into a seperate account, this money I am saving for my daughters university fees, first car etc. We as a family do not use any of the rental money for our own expenses as we both work full time and do not have mortgage on our family home as I paid cash for it when we married. We are very lucky as my inheritance from my father has enabled us to live a very privileged life that we could never have afforded without his gift. I feel bad as my stepdaughters almost live two seperate lives as the wealth disparity between households is quite significant.

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 03:28

And when she stops paying rent, and she will, then what? She’ll have sob story after sob story but you’ll end up paying the price. Financially and otherwise.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 03:30

He seems to have been using you as a cash cow long before this.

Noshadelamp · 21/05/2025 03:37

If the problem isn't financial for you, would it work out less entangled to help pay her rent? Would you support your DH increasing his monthly payment to her?

Topseyt123 · 21/05/2025 03:40

No!!! Just no!!! Never in a million years! Far too much potential for things to go wrong and for unnecessary complications and stress to arise.

Don't do it.

Original poster
literati · 21/05/2025 04:02

Yes I would be quite happy for my husband to increase the maintenance he pays her if that helps but I think it’s a question of ‘official’ income multiples vs the rent? Her income is too low to qualify for most rentals and they don’t include maintenance as income as it isn’t guaranteed or something. I don’t think she would intentionally mess around with paying rent or damage anything, she is a good Mum and is pretty responsible as far as I can see. We don’t have any animosity between us, she has been invited into my home when we have hosted the DCs birthday parties, we will chat a bit at drops offs so friendly but not friends iyswim. I do feel bad for her, she is on her own and running a household on a single income with kids is very hard, I know because I have done it myself. I do want to help mainly because it helps the girls and I love them too, what else could we do to help?

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 21/05/2025 04:12

The money is for your daughter’s future. The answer would be no.

Your husband could get a loan and buy a place for her if he wants her to have a place to live.

28Fluctuations · 21/05/2025 04:35

First: no. Do not rent her your flat.

She either needs to increase her income or move to an area she can afford.

How far away will she need to move to afford rent?

How could she increase her salary? This would obviously benefit her most longterm. Can dh help out there - if she needs training or assistance?

Dh could act as guarantor on a new rental, if he can afford that significant financial risk, along with raising his monthly contribution so that she can afford to live there.

Any help dh gives will be time-limited to his dc moving out or starting to work. So his ex really benefits most from a stable longterm home that she can afford herself, so when her dc move on she still has a home.

Walkerzoo · 21/05/2025 04:39

But she will be on universal credit and then get reng paid. She wouldn't be subsidising you

It is harder to evict tenants regardless how they are and currently you have a good relationship. I wouldn't risk it. You could get other tenants, all goes wrong and you can't get them out

Universal credit will pay rent with tenancy agreement .... I don't see the problem

sesquipedalian · 21/05/2025 04:49

“My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent”

Just no. I don’t know how old her DD’s are, but if you rent to her, you’ll be doing it for ever. You want your rental income for your DD at university - what will happen when she defaults? How will your relationship with your DSDs be when you are sending eviction letters to their DM? This has potential disaster written all over it. You say, “my inheritance from my father has enabled us to live a very privileged life that we could never have afforded without his gift” - seems to me that you’ve already enabled your DH and DSDs to have a lifestyle that is rather better than they might otherwise have expected and that enables your DH to pay his ex £200 a month over the odds - you really don’t want the ex to become another passenger, and at the expense of your own DD’s future well-being. I mean it, OP, if you allow her to rent your property, you’ll be subsidising her for ever, and it WILL lead to resentment.

healthybychristmas · 21/05/2025 04:57

So he lives with you rent free and now wants you to subsidise his ex wife? He's got a real nerve.

Zanatdy · 21/05/2025 05:11

Why doesn’t your DH help buy a property for his ex wife and DC given he is well off? He wants his DC settled, he could own the property. I’d suggest that, instead of your own property.

GRex · 21/05/2025 05:11

I would say that's a hard no, because it's too likely to lead to fall-out in the future. Increase the amount of maintenance money - fine, but don't start enmeshing yourselves into a weird triangle of interdependent finances, because that will never end. How many more years until there area no financial ties, just 5 with uni fees paid direct to the kids? It's not that long, and you will not get ex out of that house if you move her in.

Iknowaristotlee · 21/05/2025 05:14

Could your husband be a guarantor instead? Might make it easier for her to find something

allhailtheeyeballsinthesky · 21/05/2025 05:33

Uc won't pay rent as you are connected by your husband to the girls so if the ex tries to claim for uc housing she will be turned down