Renting my property to husband’s ex

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Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

Please, please, please ignore the emotional responses. You should never enter into an arrangement without having the basis of an exit plan. If you rent to your husband's ex wife, you will never be able to evict her because you will also be evicting your step daughters and even if they have left home and are living independently the backlash from them will be so extreme that you couldn't do it and that's before you factor in the fact that the ex-wife won't even be paying market rent, which is a bloody cheek in itself. I can sense that you love the bones of your husband but he can only live the life he's living because you are funding it and for him to take all that and still come back to you asking you to also subsidise his ex-wife takes the biscuit.

To return to the ex-wife, she's always going to need a roof over her head, she's not going to earn more, rent's are not going to fall and you will be stuck with her as a tenant for the next 30? 40? years.

Perhaps the solution is for your dh (NOT you) to act as guarantor for her. That way he has the financial liability if she doesn't pay her rent. Do you have any idea why the extra £800 per month that your dh voluntarily pays her isn't sufficient to cover a commercial rent?

I wouldn't rent to her OP. Tricky situation but I think it could get messy you being her landlord, what if she stops paying rent or something? Also if that money is being saved towards your kids future why should you take a drop in rent. Why is her current landlord wanting her out? Would she even want to rent from you, wouldn't do much for her self esteem renting a house from her exH 's wealthy new wife

People don’t “fall” on hard times, they experience the consequences of their choices.

OP is already being treated like the cash cow of this group and now they want to milk her for more.

A bit of a left-field suggestion, but if your husband is, as you say very wealthy, could he purchase a suitable home - but in his daughters names only? So it’s their house, and Mum pays rent she can afford into an account for DC when they’re older?? Obviously that just pushes the issue down the road as to what happens when the DC sell and Mum needs to find another place, but it would be smaller so rent would be more appropriate.

so essentially it’s your DH (not you) providing his DC with a home

Suggest your dh acts as guarantor for his ex-wife. His reaction will tell you a lot. If he's reluctant, it'll show that he doesn't want to take the risk and / or that he understands that it will be long term because she'll never be able to change her financial situation. If he pushes for you to take the financial risk as guarantor or joint guarantor or pushes for you to accept her as a tenant paying below market rates then that also tells you something, namely, that you are the cash cow. He fell on his feet when he met you...

Huh, people don't fall on hard times? 😄

Op really isn't a cash cow, she married a man who had already started a family, and is ensuring the kids mum doesn't end up homeless.

I’m solving todays problem but creating a bigger one down the line

This would be my main concern.

Your DH's ex needs to have a sustainable, long term plan and this just isn't it.

This x100. What is she doing to provide for her daughters? She seems to want everyone else to pick up her slack.

In OP’s shoes I’d offer to have the girls live with us full time, stop the CMS payments and let the ex fend for herself. She’s not bringing anything to the table anyway.

This x100. What is she doing to provide for her daughters? She seems to want everyone else to pick up her slack.

In OP’s shoes I’d offer to have the girls live with us full time, stop the CMS payments and let the ex fend for herself. She’s not bringing anything to the table anyway.

Offer to be a guarantor instead. Or help pay 6 months upfront.

Its hard to say no, but explain to DH that it’s a very large discount, she couldn’t afford this in the long term and you don’t want that Tentant/landlord relationship with her.

I would do it. If you and DH have separate finances make sure he makes up the loss you'll be making to you though.

You'll be avoiding the unknown of a tenant who doesn't pay or damages the property, and given the law change you'd likely have a harder time moving someone else out to sell than you would with her.

Because that's really want young teen girls will benefit from... rarely seeing their mum and worrying about her living situation..

OP full time even on minimum wage now is 24k so if she increased her hours once UC stops or the DC are older it shouldn't be an issue

If you/Your DH want to help and are able to you could offer to pay 6 months rent up front for her as this usually helps get around any referencing issues due to low income.
Don't stand as a Guarantor though

I think in your situation I'd rather dh went guarantor and possibly help pay the rent instead of renting your property at a lower price.

We could look into being a guarantor for her and maybe giving her a couple hundred extra a month but as it is we fund the vast majority of expenses for my step DDs.

No to letting her rent your place and also absolutely no to this!

If he was single none of this would be an option. He and his kids are already hugely better off because of you, that’s plenty! His ex is an independent adult who needs to sort her own housing.

Maybe the handwringers on this thread can have a whip around for her or offer to be her guarantor but you’d be out of your mind to give her more money or take on responsibility for her rent.

Bad idea, being a Guarantor is risky

Well, from the sounds of things, the successful and career-focused OP would be a far better daily role model for the girls than their underproductive, dependent mother.

Noooooooo don’t do it.

I have in-laws who tried to help other in-laws by buying them a property with the idea that they would pay (lower) rent until they could get a mortgage to buy it off them. Anyway they stopped paying the rent and Solicitors got involved and now they don’t speak.

My SIL only had good intentions to help the others but it all went tits up.

Don’t mix business with pleasure as they say.

Never rent to family or, in this case, ex family. It will likely end in tears. I rented my flat to my SD, and after a few months, she stopped paying her, below the market rate, rent. It was an awful situation.
So , when ex decides that money is tight, it will be easy to stop paying rent because a father is not going to make his children homeless. Your DH is going to be stuck in the middle, and you will grow resentful. Don't do it.

If DH can afford it up the maintenance

The saying ‘never let anyone move into your house, no matter how sad their story is’ comes to mind. She will never leave. The SC will come to think of it as their Mothers home and you can only either essentially lose the property for all intents and purposes, or face a storm down the line.

You have spare money, this is how your husband can choose to help but there have to be time limits put on everything or this blended family will never unblend.

And as a guarantor there’s exposure of probably a years rent and damages, nothing to suggest that this wouldn’t be affordable for the OP. Getting a guarantor is hard and in her shoes I would absolutely do this.

£500 discount plus £800 pcm.

That's over £15k a year to subsidise this woman.

No. If she doesn't pay the rent or you need to sell up you won't feel able to kick his kids out on the street. It's a very bad idea.

OP asks: 'I do want to help mainly because it helps the girls and I love them too, what else could we do to help?'

There are various levels of help you & your DH could offer OP. An easy one is to say you don't want to become her landlady (for all sorts of reasons) but you'd be very happy to pass on the details of the landlords of would be tenants for your house (with their permission of course) if this might help her find a rental property for herself & her/DH's kids.

You & your DH could also extend a request for rental properties available through your networks of friends & colleagues say.

DH could subsidise the rent if he wishes to with a market level rental.

The other one, that I quite liked, is if DH is wealthy & is so inclined, he could buy a house, put it in the kid's names , (getting tax & legal advice), and allow her to live there with the kids paying a 'rent' to a savings account for the kids instead. If done well, & your DH & you are OK with this, that could be a really good solution imho.

Absolutely do not do this.

The reason that she is finding it difficult to find a rental is because she is a high risk tenant. Something is likely to go wrong. When it does, it would be 10 times the nightmare for you to be the landlord dealing with it, as compared to a landlord with no personal connection.

Tbh I think you should sell off the property, ideally to an owner-occupier rather than another landlord, and invest your money in something else so that you aren't contributing to the mess that is the housing situation in this country. Then there will be no pressure on you to fix this woman's housing woes.