Renting my property to husband’s ex

[literati]

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

She has them 50/50 and the OP herself has said she is a good mum. She just happens to do a job that is very valuable in terms of what she does but isn't well paid hence her problem.

And ,anyway, as I understand it, the ex isn't asking for extra help, it's the OP's husband who is advocating on her behalf perhaps because he realises she may have to move further away from him or may have to ask him.to have the children full time - which wouldn't be good for them because she is a good mum & presumably they want to keep living with her too.

She isn't a lazy free loader because she isn't the one asking for this help, HE wants to offer it & perhaps thought his wife would be able to help his kids because a) she is married to him and b) she/they can afford to and c) she's a generous, caring person perhaps?

Just wanted to say that you sound lovely @literati and your SC are so lucky to have you.

I would do it. If finances aren’t a worry for you, I think it’s a kind way of looking after each other and being a single parent on a low income is really tough. You could arrange a 2 year lease maybe? Yes there is a risk they’ll be hard to move on, but what if the arrangement was to last until the girls are 18? Or until mum has a better paid job? Or has completed an extra qualification that can lead to more money for her? You seem to have a wonderful blended family.

Upon reflection this post has maybe changed my mind. You are correct my SCs Mum hasn’t asked me for any help, now or ever. She has always been courteous and friendly towards me and she has raised lovely girls who are my daughters sisters now. Yes I contribute the vast majority of money and assets in my family but I have gained a lot in return, my daughter has two wonderful sisters to grow up with, she has the best step dad who treats her like his own and my wonderful in-laws have welcomed their bonus grandchild with love as both my parents have died. I am so very blessed in my life and it is a privilege in itself to even have the ability to assist in this way. We will discuss options with ex wife and see what she wants to do, it’s her life and she is in control but maybe it’s better to offer this option rather than her having to ask us for help.

And she's doing her best. But the rental market is shit. Getting a DECENT landlord with a DECENT property to give you a decent length lease, all the power is with the landlord given the market so why pick the single Mom with one income when you can have two incomes? That's what this help is a about. Finding a good landlord.

Absolutely not. Risk of this affecting your relationships is far too high. A risk not worth taking.

Yes I think if you like and trust her then by all means rent the property to her.

Because it’s also a safe home for the girls too when they’re there.

She's working, she's co parenting, she's maintained this tenancy until the landlord has decided to end the tenancy. So you think everyone in a low paid job is "doing nothing" for themselves? And just because she's on benefits doesn't mean she's "lapping up" taking all your hard earned taxes from you 🙄

Wow, that's a lovely post @literati .

Good on you, it's a brave offer in some ways, but because of where it's coming from & why, I think it's a really nice thing to do.

Be sure to set really clear boundaries & guidelines from the start though, and get everyone to stick to these from the off. (E.g. you might want to take DH (& also his dds) out of any advocating role for his Ex & dds housing needs I.e. it's strictly between you & her say, etc). Draw up a crystal clear lease reflecting this, etc, etc, etc

Good luck OP & to your family & the extended families, it's a very nice & good thing you're doing.

This post has humbled me, in a world which judges success in monetary value , we have @literati and her H who treat all of their children the same. H ensures his ex who is in a caring, lowing paying job, gets enough money so she and his DC aren’t living in poverty and knows his wife doesn’t resent helping neither.
They love all of the children and ensure that as they are in a fortunate position, that ex doesn’t have to scrimp and save all the time because it would impact the children.
That is love ❤️

Lots of reasons for you to say yes and no.

Swapping maintenance for low rent - would that work. And what happens when the kids get older. Would it end up being her on her own there and then subsidising low rent for just her?
How would that make you feel?

Rental changes are going to make it much harder to evict someone especially someone you've effectively given a low rent to.

Nope. It would be interpreted as a contrived tenancy due to the financial link between you and your husband. So you'd be housing them for free - including if you were to divorce at a later date.

His ex isn’t asking for them to solve her problems, she’s not manipulating to get more money out of them. She is happily co parenting, knowing her children are loved by all, even if she was scrimping and saving continuously, she would still feel so lucky her children are so loved and treated equally. They are not used as pawns, to score points against the other parent. She’s not being made to feel a failure just because she doesn’t earn much, money doesn’t make you a great parent or stepparent. She is treated as an important part of the children’s lives, she isn’t a threat nor wishes to be, she’s a mother who loves her children and trying her best.

How sad that the people caring for the most vulnerable in our society, are not valued, the wages are low but they are caring for our elderly, our children and the sick.

I just have to say OP that you and your family and your family dynamic just sound absolutely lovely- this sounds like a really healthy way to bring up children. Love and respect.

I wish all of you the best.

I couldn't agree more with this ❤️

@literati you sound like a lovely lady and have created a wonderful blended family.

I think this arrangement would only benefit you all. Can you spin it to the ex wife that she would be doing you the favour as in it will give you peace of mind having her as a tenant?

Oh my gosh. I am so pleased with your decision.

It ain't often that blended families work out so well. Ditch the management company to save the financial difference. Proper tenancy and she will get it paid through UC.

I have seen the worst side of step families and it ain't worth the money.

What a lovely post

I'm glad my post helped you consider this issue differently.

It does sound like you have created a great set up in your family and I think the way you speak about your step children and their mum is lovely.

I hope you are able to find a solution that works for all of you.

No.

But what a predisposed victim mentality to gloss over the obvious free gift of £866 she's lapping up every month, and pearl clutch that it's benefit bashing

I think if you can do this comfortably, then it would be a really kind thing to do.

I can't imagine how terrible it would feel if you didn't offer, only for this lady and her DDs to end up either homeless, or in some grotty dive, paying over the odds somewhere the children don't feel comfortable. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if you don't go for it by the way - I just know that's how I would feel.

How much less in rent is he talking?

If you have to ask existing tenants to leave or evict them then its a big NO from me

I think £500pcm is far too much for your DD to miss out on. That’s £60,000 over ten years and doesn’t take inflation into consideration either. I think you sound like an amazing person and your description of the EXW if unusually kind and empathetic for this forum, but to put it simply, her situation is not your problem to resolve and certainly not at your daughter’s expense.

You sound lovely stepmum.

Did you decide what you want to do?

I think it’s lovely you are open to hope. Originally when I saw your post I thought “no way” - then I read your updates and realised that you have a harmonious life and your husband, his parents and his children add to your life in a way no money could.

Hello I thought I would update this thread as you have all really helped me with sorting my head out about this situation.

DH approached ex wife about the possibility of renting my house if she was interested. She seemed quite relieved I think and agreed to a meeting with just me and her. I have spoken to my solicitor about any potential pitfalls with UC and we are waiting on that advice. Ex wife and I have looked at the finances and if we ditch the gardener and management company and she is still entitled to UC then the financial cost to me is minimal. In terms of when the kids are 18, her plan is to downsize and move about an hour away from our town to be near her sister. We have agreed to rent to her until the kids are at uni, DH still pays her his maintenance and then she pays me rent. It’s important to both her and I that she maintains her financial independence and that DH is separate from this arrangement, as it is a business transaction between the two of us. He doesn’t know this yet but his contribution will be mowing the massive garden and keeping all the hedges trimmed haha

I know the majority of you advised against this course of action for a lot of sensible reasons but I have raised all of them with ex wife and to be fair to her she had a lot of the same concerns. We have come to an arrangement that we are all happy with that keeps the kids as the focus and maintains our easygoing set up. At the end of the day my rental property and the income it generates will be used for all the kid’s future and she knows this, so it makes more financial and emotional sense to try and keep the money within the family.

Also my tenants are moving out as they have purchased their own property so I’m not making anyone homeless.

That's a wonderful update OP and extraordinarily kind of you. I hope it all goes well and you all have happy futures!