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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Renting my property to husband’s ex

231 replies

literati · 21/05/2025 01:47

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 13:41

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/05/2025 13:30

For heaven’s sake, now you’re just enjoying the drama. Just get your dh to guarantee his ex-wife’s rent and the problem’s solved. If she pays her rent, his guarantee will have cost him nothing and you will have avoided a huge mistake.

And what if the husband comes up short?

At the very least he needs to divert the £800
per month from the ex to OP, up front.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 13:46

FloatingTurtles · 21/05/2025 13:39

Rentals are not affordable unless they are council housing rates.
Rentals are about 50% higher than mortgages in our area, and that then contributes to the cycle of not being able to afford deposits as well as inflated prices because of lack of houses available.
Noone is being a landlord to help out tenants, it's to make profit. Our neighbours who rent have a smaller property than us and pay £500 more a month than our mortgage.

There’s nothing wrong with making a profit. It’s how our economic system works.

Investing in residential property is a valid wealth-building strategy, as is investing in stocks, precious metals, etc.

Don’t blame landlords for our government’s failure to build more affordable housing.

Also most renters have champagne taste on a beer budget, wanting a room for each child and other amenities. That’s consumer demand, not greedy landlords. When I was young we slept 2-3 to a room, even as young adult housemates.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 13:47

notatinydancer · 21/05/2025 13:24

Why would she stop paying rent ?

She sounds shiftless and lacking in resources. I expect a plausible excuse will arise pretty quickly.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 13:53

He actually expects you to forego £6000 a year on top of the inflated CMS??

No. Just offer for the girls to live with you FT. They can have days out with their mother, who hopefully can finds a houseshare she xan afford on her wage.

You already are subsidizing these people to an excessive degree. Your husband is really taking advantage of your earning power.

SpryCat · 21/05/2025 14:41

Can your husband get a mortgage on a 3 bed property and instead of paying maintenance he could put £800 towards mortgage? His ex would have to pay shortfall and the house would eventually be his children’s property. That give his DC a roof over their heads plus it’s an investment for the future for them.

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/05/2025 15:02

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 13:41

And what if the husband comes up short?

At the very least he needs to divert the £800
per month from the ex to OP, up front.

@TheHerboriste I think you misunderstand me. I'm suggesting the ex-wife finds a private rental. The op has said the problem with a private rental is that landlords will not consider child support when deciding whether the ex-wife can afford the rent and will, therefore, require a guarantor. Op's dh can be that guarantor. That solution avoids the messy situation of current wife becoming landlord to ex-wife for the next 30 years and not being able to evict ex-wife if she doesn't pay the rent. Assuming that's what happens, then Op can continue to rent out her rental property and put any profit in an account for her daughter, which is what happens now. Op's dh will continue to pay ex-wife the £800 per month child maintenance because it's required for the private rental.

FrogFairy · 21/05/2025 15:12

I recently heard of a young family who were renting from an uncle who kindly charged them a very cheap rent to help them out. HMRC accused uncle landlord of fiddling by only declaring the cheap rent and having the rest paid cash in hand. The uncle has been forced to charge market rate, the family cannot afford it so have to find somewhere else to live.

By charging under market rent you could well end up in the same situation.

SwornToSilence · 21/05/2025 15:20

Just no

ex has 50/50 let the kids share a room at hers it’s only 50% of the time. Then she can rent a 2 bed which will be manageable

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 15:24

28Fluctuations · 21/05/2025 04:35

First: no. Do not rent her your flat.

She either needs to increase her income or move to an area she can afford.

How far away will she need to move to afford rent?

How could she increase her salary? This would obviously benefit her most longterm. Can dh help out there - if she needs training or assistance?

Dh could act as guarantor on a new rental, if he can afford that significant financial risk, along with raising his monthly contribution so that she can afford to live there.

Any help dh gives will be time-limited to his dc moving out or starting to work. So his ex really benefits most from a stable longterm home that she can afford herself, so when her dc move on she still has a home.

Noooooo. DH must not act as guarantor as that puts the OP at massive financial risk

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 15:26

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/05/2025 15:02

@TheHerboriste I think you misunderstand me. I'm suggesting the ex-wife finds a private rental. The op has said the problem with a private rental is that landlords will not consider child support when deciding whether the ex-wife can afford the rent and will, therefore, require a guarantor. Op's dh can be that guarantor. That solution avoids the messy situation of current wife becoming landlord to ex-wife for the next 30 years and not being able to evict ex-wife if she doesn't pay the rent. Assuming that's what happens, then Op can continue to rent out her rental property and put any profit in an account for her daughter, which is what happens now. Op's dh will continue to pay ex-wife the £800 per month child maintenance because it's required for the private rental.

Good grief another one. DH must NOT act as guarantor or the OP will be at massive financial risk.

MrsKeats · 21/05/2025 15:28

Absolutely no way.
Giving her 800 quid is already v generous.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 15:32

MrsKeats · 21/05/2025 15:28

Absolutely no way.
Giving her 800 quid is already v generous.

I wonder, what is her plan? Does she always intend to be dependent on others?

Her girls sound to be about halfway to adulthood and she still is scrambling to house and provide for them?? What is her job, career, working hours, etc.? Is she attempting any training, upskilling, anything toward upward mobility? Or just content for anyone around her to pick up the slack?

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 15:33

SwornToSilence · 21/05/2025 15:20

Just no

ex has 50/50 let the kids share a room at hers it’s only 50% of the time. Then she can rent a 2 bed which will be manageable

Exactly.
When did kids sharing rooms become unacceptable? We shared a small room till well into our teens, so did everyone else in my extended family and friends. The woman next door to me raised two boys who shared a room until they were done with uni, a v small room with single beds. They survived.

Tbry24 · 21/05/2025 15:40

Definitely no.

he’s already living a free life as you’ve bought a house he lives in!

if he wants to help he can rent a property for his ex and daughters and pay the rent in full.

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/05/2025 15:42

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 15:26

Good grief another one. DH must NOT act as guarantor or the OP will be at massive financial risk.

If dh acts as guarantor then he’s obviously at risk but why is the Op at financial risk? She’s not the guarantor, she owns the matrimonial home and says dh has signed a pre nup. Something has to be done to help the ex-wife but the only suggestion from dh is that Op rents her rental property to ex-wife at a £500 p/m discount for as long as ex-wife is there! Thus the Op is the only person taking a financial hit to keep a roof over ex-wife’s head. It’s interesting that dh doesn’t want to put his hand in his pocket. As I said, if dh acts as guarantor and ex-wife pays her rent then it’s cost dh nothing. If ex-wife doesn’t pay then it’s dh’s problem.

Frostiesflakes · 21/05/2025 15:47

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/05/2025 15:42

If dh acts as guarantor then he’s obviously at risk but why is the Op at financial risk? She’s not the guarantor, she owns the matrimonial home and says dh has signed a pre nup. Something has to be done to help the ex-wife but the only suggestion from dh is that Op rents her rental property to ex-wife at a £500 p/m discount for as long as ex-wife is there! Thus the Op is the only person taking a financial hit to keep a roof over ex-wife’s head. It’s interesting that dh doesn’t want to put his hand in his pocket. As I said, if dh acts as guarantor and ex-wife pays her rent then it’s cost dh nothing. If ex-wife doesn’t pay then it’s dh’s problem.

I think the op
said her DH has a share / percentage in the family home
so if he is the exes guarantor and she fails to pay a landlord and a court would find it easy to secure a ccj / against DH
most guarantors have to be home owners max well - they want someone who has something they can put a charge on / someone who owns a house is less likely to want a ccj and ruined credit

Starlight1984 · 21/05/2025 16:00

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 12:58

Then you should boost her budget rather than renting your property to her. xx

Why on earth should the OP "boost" her husband's ex wifes budget for a property?!?! Some of the suggestions on here are insane

Does the Ex even want any of this?! Because I don't think I would want my ex husbands wife as my landlady! Bit awkward and embarrassing, no?

Not sure if you've already answered this so apologies if you have but can DSDs come and live with you full time?

What's worrying is that she can't afford anywhere decent to like other than a "mouldy 2 bed flat" and that's with working full time AND getting £800 that she isn't even entitled to. Fair play to your DH but I think his ex needs to realise that she had means by which she needs to live and having her ex and his wife subsidising her life is not really practical, fair or feasible long term.

Waterweight · 21/05/2025 16:34

literati · 21/05/2025 12:55

I don’t want to go into specifics about the kids ages etc as I don’t want to out myself but all three girls are early to mid teens and I’ve been with my DH for 8 years. I’ve had a quick look online at rental vacancies in our town in her price range and I’ll be honest it’s pretty grim with very little choice and the quality of these places is frankly shit. I can’t believe the prices some owners are charging for these mould infested dumps. She would most likely have to rent a two bed as there is precisely zero three beds within a 30 mile radius of the kids school that she could afford. I think perhaps I’ve been a bit blind to how bad it really is with the lack of affordable decent options in our area. Pragmatism tells me that there are too many potential pitfalls if I agree to this. But on the other hand I am deeply uncomfortable with the idea of my SC living in a shitty 3rd floor flat sharing a mouldy room.

There is a middle ground here .... Your husband takes his children in full time while there mum presents as homeless to the council. He stops paying her child maintenance+ £200 a week & saves up to get her a house deposit for his children ... ?

It's not a black & white, keep everything as is with a 3rd person in their relationship to help support 2 households housing wise.

Things change & yes it will probably wreck your relationship with her either way but I'd be looking at their father getting full custody even if temporarily before I handed over my flat

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2025 16:35

MrsKeats · 21/05/2025 15:28

Absolutely no way.
Giving her 800 quid is already v generous.

And probably only possible because he’s getting a free ride from the OP. He’s playing the generous ex on her money.

Hayley1256 · 21/05/2025 17:17

TBH is would do it on a 5 year lease which should give her time to think about the more longer term

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 17:22

Hayley1256 · 21/05/2025 17:17

TBH is would do it on a 5 year lease which should give her time to think about the more longer term

So OP is supposed to lose £6000 per year for five years?

Orangesinthebag · 21/05/2025 17:39

Of course you should do it. You sound like you can afford to and it's for your step children,the children of the many you married & love.

You could set limits though - your husband as guarantor for the rent and a time limit
Once the kids are older and move on or if she earns more you up the rent or she leaves.
I find it sad to think that you can't share your good fortune of a inherited property and a double good salary with someone who is essentially family and who is struggling.

Plus your husband asked you, presumably so he doesn't have to worry about his kids living in poor conditions or being sucked into their mum's misery/poverty.

You married this man and that means you bought into all of his life, even the crap bits. Otherwise, why bother marrying if you wanted to keep things so separate?

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 17:46

Orangesinthebag · 21/05/2025 17:39

Of course you should do it. You sound like you can afford to and it's for your step children,the children of the many you married & love.

You could set limits though - your husband as guarantor for the rent and a time limit
Once the kids are older and move on or if she earns more you up the rent or she leaves.
I find it sad to think that you can't share your good fortune of a inherited property and a double good salary with someone who is essentially family and who is struggling.

Plus your husband asked you, presumably so he doesn't have to worry about his kids living in poor conditions or being sucked into their mum's misery/poverty.

You married this man and that means you bought into all of his life, even the crap bits. Otherwise, why bother marrying if you wanted to keep things so separate?

His ex-wife isn't "essentially family."

OP needs to preserve her assets for her own child.

Inheritance means someone close to one has died, it's not "good fortune." High salaries generally entail paying a lot of dues, and hard work, they also are not "good fortune." Why everyone who has more than a pittance is supposed to feel apologetic about it, and hand it out to slackers, is beyond me.

Orangesinthebag · 21/05/2025 17:50

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 17:46

His ex-wife isn't "essentially family."

OP needs to preserve her assets for her own child.

Inheritance means someone close to one has died, it's not "good fortune." High salaries generally entail paying a lot of dues, and hard work, they also are not "good fortune." Why everyone who has more than a pittance is supposed to feel apologetic about it, and hand it out to slackers, is beyond me.

What a sad attitude to have.
Obviously everything you say is true but I really think it's sad that someone can't help out another person when they are able to, especially when that person/those people are so close to your own life.

The children involved are her step children so, yes, I would class them as her "family".

caringcarer · 21/05/2025 17:53

I think it would be more appropriate if your Dh increased the amount he paid his ex to care for kids and possibly agreed to guarantor her rent payments until his DC were 18, if she is as you say responsible with money and paying bills. I'd tell DH although you have nothing against his exw you think it will be a weird relationship if you were her LL.

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